Carter & June Page #5

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iron my suit real quick

and get changed?

Where's your car?

It was running a

little hot last night

so I didn't wanna

take any chances.

I'm sorry, Faustus, I think

I need to change the battery

on my hearing aid

because it sounded

like you said Canadian dollars.

F*** you!

You borrow US dollars,

I want US dollars

back, you greaseball!

(phone beeping)

I have another call.

Please do not make me

come up to St. Louis.

I hate the midwest.

Hey Maury, thanks for

getting back to me.

Now listen, tell the bank

they are going to

get their money.

I just gotta settle

up with you know who

and I gotta do a couple things

you do not wanna know about

so can you cover for me, baby?

What?

They can do that?

F***!

How much time do I have?

F***!

F***ing bankers are

worse than I am!

Hey baby.

What you doing in here?

I was thinking, baby.

Maybe we should just

tell Internal Affairs

what really happened.

No!

No, we can't do that.

This is the Lord's plan.

But the Lord,

You know what the

Reverend Jenks says.

What?

He talks to God.

Really?

That's right.

And God told him

that it's okay to sin

as long as you ask

for his forgiveness.

He's starting his own church.

A really cool church.

I just don't wanna sin, baby.

Let me show you something.

You see what you're

experiencing right now?

Mhmm.

That's lust.

And lust is a sin!

But you're my wife.

Exactly.

If you lust after your

wife, it ain't a sin.

Stealing, though a sin it may be

is not a sin if

you use the money

to start a church.

It cancels itself out!

Your conscience is clear, baby.

Now, go rob that

bank for the lord.

Oh.

I love you.

I love you too.

Three different

kinds of greens?

Wow, yeah green's a

very creative color.

Yeah, you can draw me some grass

and then an alligator.

Okay.

You be good.

I love you.

All right bye bye.

Bye, baby.

You ready?

Yeah.

Just give me two

shakes of a cocktail.

You sure he's gonna

go through with it?

Angola.

Rock and rollah.

You look good.

Wow, you look professional.

Let's go.

Agent Scully and I gotta

interview Bigfoot later.

Uh.

[Carter] The name

of the game is trust.

[Jason] Trust?

[Carter] First you're

gonna have trust us

that this isn't our first rodeo.

Second, you're a hero cop.

They're gonna trust whoever

comes in with you as legit.

[Jason] But how

do I trust you guys?

[Carter] You can trust

that we want the money.

[June] If we stick to the

plan, everyone can profit.

[Carter] Step one,

we follow you in

and you introduce

us as FBI agents.

Good morning.

Tell me your name.

I'm Anita Turner, I'm

the bank manager here.

Hi, Miss Turner.

I'm Officer Jason.

I know who you are.

[Carter] Step two, you

tell the acting bank manager

that we have to

examine the vault.

While that's going on,

you distract everyone

by signing autographs

and shaking hands.

[Jason] And what about y'all?

What are y'all gonna

do inside the vault?

[June] After

checking to make sure

the security camera

is still disabled,

Each of us will have our keys.

Sh*t.

We open the safe and

carefully switch out

the decoy envelope for

the real thing and wallah,

[June] We're all rich.

[Jason] Well what happens

if other cops come by?

[Carter] We've

got that covered.

[Jason] What if

Commissioner Reed shows up?

[Carter] Trust me,

that's never gonna happen.

Morning!

Heard you guys had a little

trouble here yesterday.

Yes we did, sir.

It'd have been much

worse had we not had

this brave gentleman right here.

Well done, Officer.

Twitty.

Officer Twitty, well done.

Now Miss Turner,

if you don't mind

I'd like to get to my safe.

- Yes sir.

- Uh.

Sh*t!

It's Commissioner Reed.

Oh, Commissioner, you're

running for Governor

this year, right?

Uh, maybe next year son,

but if you'd excuse me, please?

Well, well, if I could just,

Why don't you call

my office on Monday?

We could always use

a good cop like you

in our outfit.

Just stay in

character, we'll be fine.

Who are they?

[Anita] FBI, they

worked on the safe.

[Jason] Well.

Thought the FBI

finished yesterday.

Well we we're just,

we're looking for,

Bigfoot.

I mean Angola.

Ervin suggests this

is the work of a ring

hitting up banks

along the south.

They're known as

the Bigfoot ring.

The evidence indicates

that they originated

in Angola prison.

Hmm.

[Jason] That's what

I was trying to say.

Did you find anything?

Not yet, but we will.

But you're leaving.

Exactly.

[Jason] Nice to meet

you, commissioner.

[Carter] Yee hoo!

What the heck is that?

We've been had?

Relax, Alfalfa,

they're bearer bonds.

They're untraceable,

they're as good as cash.

This is easily half million.

Sweet Lord

Almighty, we're rich!

We did it.

We did it.

Wow.

There's photographs in here.

Of what?

Weird sh*t.

Shady meetings,

politicians with hookers

and f***ing cocaine

and weird sex.

And there's Caitlin!

Oh, disgusting.

[Jason] What?

There's a monkey.

It's gone.

It's all gone.

What's gone?

All of it!

Dolores, any word from Carter?

Not yet.

But Peaches wants to talk to

you about Cookie Stardust.

What?

Why can't you deal with that?

I tried but she

won't listen to me.

She said you're the rabbit

and this is your hole.

Takes a stripper named Peaches

to sum up my life.

Fine, send them in.

Goddamn idiot.

How many f***ing times

do I have to tell them

that I cannot sell

any more of these

piece of sh*t AKs?

How many f***ing times?

I need Glocks, goddamnit!

[Dolores] Nine mil, or 40 cal?

Stop ignoring us!

Why did you need to

fire Cookie Stardust?

It's not fair.

Because she started to show.

And nobody, nobody normal,

wants to see a

pregnant stripper.

Why can't she retire

like Jay Z or Eminem

and come back in a year?

See that's called

a sabbatical.

(phone ringing)

Hold on.

Albert, please do

not waste my time

unless you're calling to tell me

you have the money.

I don't care.

Hold on.

Okay you see, when you leave

a job for a year or two

and you come back, that

is called a sabbatical.

When you leave a job

and go to Florida

to play golf until you are dead,

that is called retirement.

There is a difference.

Jay Z and Eminem do not

know that but now you do.

Know what?

Okay, the class is over.

Get back to work.

I don't care.

If he doesn't have the

money, pull his gold teeth

out of his f***ing skull!

That means she can retire

for a year and come back, yes?

If you mean can she

take a sabbatical,

sure whatever, get the

f*** out of my office now!

All right, you heard the man.

Get out there and

shake something.

I don't care if you

don't have any pliers.

Use a hunting

knife or a crowbar.

Improvise like I taught you!

Dipshit!

Are you really gonna let her

just up and leave like that

and then come on back?

Oh please.

A fortnight after I

give away her shift

these girls won't even

remember the name of,

Cookie Stardust?

Cookie Stardust.

No.

Oh bless you Dolores,

you are my rock.

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