Casanova Page #4

canal, street, water corner by morning.

- Understand?

- Sign here.

Signor Papprizzio?

- At your service, sir.

- On the contrary, I'm at yours.

The family of your fiance sent me here to

greet you and to send you to your palazzo.

But palazzo?

I have a reservation at the Hotel Grifasi.

They didn't tell you?

The Grifasi is closed.

- Really? Why?

- Lupo.

- Rising damp, sir.

- Rising damp, indeed.

Palazzo, eh?

Well, lead on.

- My servant shall see to your baggage.

- I think you have everything under control.

The first thing I'm going to do

is call upon my betrothed

after I make myself presentable, of course.

Yes. And how long does that usually take?

"Casanova bought a pig."

"Casanova took the pig

to the Bruni house."

Clear it. Everything.

I'll take that.

Your Grace.

Inquisitore Dalfonso,

I am Bishop Pucci.

Oh, Bishop...

I have been instructed to relieve you

of your duties here in Venice.

To say that the pope is less than happy

with your rate of progress

is an understatement

of monumental proportions.

You and your entire staff

have been reassigned

to open a mission among the natives of

the equatorial region.

What kind of natives?

Let us just say, shall we,

they have a great hunger for religion.

So this place belonged

to the libertine Casanova, eh?

Yes, but he ran out on his debts, so

we got the villa at a very reasonable price.

Really? How reasonable?

Lupo?

- 1,600 lira.

- Yes.

- Get a receipt.

- Of course.

Do I get a bath for my 1,600 lira?

"Casanova bought a pig?"

"Casanova took pig to Bruni house."

"Casanova met with Papprizzio

at dockside."

"Took Papprizzio to his house."

Is there anybody here

who can explain this?

You sent them all away to be eaten.

Well, then we shall have to do

some footwork ourselves.

Papprizzio?

The pork fat mogul from Genoa?

We're here to discover

heresy and criminal licentiousness.

If there's bacon involved,

I dread to imagine the depths of depravity

we're going to find here in Venice.

I'm surprised,

but I have a good feeling about this city.

- Do you?

- There's a massive market for lard here,

and I plan to use a good old bit

of Genoan know-how to penetrate it.

- Good thinking.

- Handbills, newspapers.

- That's just what Venice is missing.

- That's exactly what I was thinking.

- You have to keep an eye for that servant.

- What? He's gone out.

- He's gone out where?

- How am I supposed to know?

I've arranged a trinket for my beloved -

a little wedding present for my bride-to-be.

Would you like

an advanced demonstration?

Yes, please.

- It's very...

- That's wonderful. Exquisite.

Really. Yeah.

Who is it?

Was that him?

How am I supposed to know that?

What are we looking for?

I don't know.

Something. Anything.

I found the house, sir.

Signora Bruni and her daughter

request the pleasure

of your company for tea.

Good. Good.

The chartreuse then, I think, Fulvio.

Right away, Master.

I'm certainly looking forward to seeing her.

Hope that she's

not disappointed by me.

Hope that she doesn't think I'm...

I don't know.

What's the... What's the word?

The expression I'm looking for?

- Rotund?

- Excuse me. What did you say?

Would sir require

a small snack before tea?

Well, do you see that trunk

shaped vaguely like a salami?

- Yes.

- It's filled with salami.

- There you are.

- Yes.

- Now, very impressive.

- Thank you.

- The choice of lime is very slimming.

- You're too kind.

I must be off.

Didn't I have an appointment?

What? Oh. The publisher.

That was it.

To see how my new book is doing.

You're a writer.

- I've been known to scribble a bit.

- Bravo.

My master's a famous writer

of love and how to please ladies.

You've heard of Bernardo Guardi...

- Lupo, hush.

- But he's a friend.

- I'm so sorry.

- Bernardo Guardi?

- I can't believe it.

- I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to.

You, sir, are Bernardo Guardi?

That's my nom de plume.

But you must swear to tell no one.

I swear.

On my honor, sir.

My solemn vow.

Bernardo Guardi.

Fulvio, this will need some thinking about.

Yes, it does.

It's my great honor, sir.

Look at me.

I am.

Now look at that.

Yes, in truth, it is not an exact likeness, no.

Yeah. In Genoa, we call it advertising.

Yes. Fine. But so what of it?

If she loves you as you are...

She's never seen me.

- Not even a glimpse.

- Really?

Yes. Oh, dear, Master Guardi.

Take me under your tutelage, I beg you.

I'll pay you handsomely.

Whatever you like, I'll pay it.

You want me to tutor you?

I want you to transform me.

Transform me.

My dear man, but you have but an hour

until you must you meet her.

I don't want to go.

You can't make me go.

As it happens,

my new book, which isn't out yet,

deals with the outer man.

You see, the relation between the physical

and the spiritual is little understood.

Except by me, of course.

- Master Guardi.

- Yes?

Can you make me look like that?

- Yes, I can.

- Oh, God.

But it will take courage.

It will take time.

- Long confinement to this villa.

- Courage. Yes.

- Do you understand?

- I understand.

Fulvio. I will send my servant Fulvio

to the house of Bruni with a note.

- No need. I will pass that way myself.

- Oh, excellent.

Can we start? I want to start right now.

Lupo.

Lovely.

Giovanni! Signor Papprizzio

is expected at any moment.

Signor Salvato.

Vittorio, tell Signor Salvato

I am not at home.

Now, how strange.

I'm sure that I was invited to tea.

- You were?

- We're not having tea.

Forgive me.

I must have forgotten an invitation.

- You told my servant, I believe.

- We were expecting Francesca's fiance.

Indeed. And here he is.

Ladies, forgive me. It is time I presented

myself under my true colours.

Signorina Bruni,

my name is not Salvato.

You see before you

your most devoted and fortunate fiance,

Pietro Papprizzio,

all the way from Genoa.

Signor Papprizzio.

All the young women I met back in Genoa

concealed their true natures from me,

dazzled by dreams of an empire of pork.

They looked at me

and they saw a mountain of lard.

No, no, no. Not at all.

If anything, you need fattening up.

I don't like thin men.

Francesca's father was enormous.

Nevertheless, I remained true

to the fiance that I'd never seen.

But I wanted to make sure before I declared

myself she likewise had kept herself for me

and hadn't been seduced by the first

charmer that came along with a...

Pig.

Perhaps you are the charmer

you warned me against, signor.

I'm engaged to be married,

and so far all I know about you is...

Perhaps you remember sending me this.

"To Pietro Papprizzio

from Francesca Bruni,

with my hopes."

Perhaps I should've brought

the other letters you wrote me.

The only desire I have

is that you'll come to love me.

And if you cannot or if there is someone

else for whom your heart beats in secret,

I shall release you from your engagement.

There isn't! There isn't.

His Eminence, Bishop Pucci.

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