Casanova Brown Page #2

---

Well, this is rather

a sinister method of solicitation.

"Dear Mr. Brown,

a matter of personal importance

"and one which I would rather not

be obliged to take up in correspondence,

"unless you prefer it. "

I... I was involved in a little

blackmail accident at one time.

Letter sounded exactly like this.

"I suggest that

at your earliest convenience,

"certainly not later

than the end of the week,

"you call up the hospital

and consult with me.

"Cordially yours, Martha Zernerke, M.D."

Let me see that.

Have you been in

or around Chicago recently?

No.

Not...

Not Chicago.

Now, will you get ready, please?

Everybody.

That's right.

Never mind that now.

Even if it was a mistake,

how did they get your address?

I don't know anything about it.

You didn't write to them,

asking prices or anything like that?

No, of course not.

They're waiting for you, Mr. Ferris.

- Who?

- Madge and Mrs. Ferris, out front.

Not for me. My nose is perfectly clean.

I told them from the beginning...

Go, will you, and find out what they want.

Very well, but they're not going to

suck me in on this clambake. No, indeed.

Now look, Cas.

Don't you think

you're taking this too seriously?

At the real ceremony, okay.

But today, what is it?

Just testing the gallows.

Fill up the gap. Fill up the gap.

Now, keep in step.

Splendid. Splendid.

Keep in step.

Do you know anything about the

Ellen Harris Maternity Hospital in Chicago?

Please, Father.

Don't rush, bride.

Keep in step.

Straighten up, groom. Mustn't sag.

Snap it up, will you.

Fill up the gap.

Come along, Madge. No, no, not too fast.

Well, I think everything

is about ready, Doctor.

Splendid. Splendid.

Now, may we have it quiet, please?

- What about the "Q"?

- "Q?"

Yes, if it was a mistake,

how'd they get your middle initial?

- Father.

- What?

- Rehearsal.

- But nobody was saying anything.

Is he all right?

- I heard that.

- Quiet, please. Please.

Someday somebody's going to say that

just once too often.

John, dear.

Cas, what is it?

I'm sorry, I don't feel very well.

- Cas, darling, I...

- No, please.

Excuse me for a few minutes.

Suppose somebody asked you if you were

out of your mind. How would you feel?

And how would you prove you weren't?

Cas.

Jumping Jupiter! Where's the light?

I'm sorry.

I didn't know it was getting so late.

Well, that's quite all right.

Listen, Cas, if that letter's a mistake,

we're in a very pretty position

to knock off a little quick dough.

They can't run around scaring the pants off

young bridegrooms with letters like that.

Suppose Madge had got a hold of it?

Now, my idea is this.

The first thing tomorrow morning,

I'll nip down to the public library

and get a hold of a law book,

just to see what kind of charges

we can slap on them.

And then I'll pop up to Chicago

and drop in on this female sawbones.

Of course, I don't think it'd be quite smart

to tell her outright that I'm a lawyer.

Something might snap back at me.

But if I lay it on the line

with a certain legal air. You know?

Why not?

Because it may not be a mistake.

But, of course it...

- What did you say?

- I said it may not be a mistake.

What... What gives, Cas?

I don't know. I can't find out.

I tried to call her

on the phone long distance,

but the number's been

temporarily disconnected.

Called whom?

I just don't know what to do.

Now, if I may suggest,

if you fail to touch a base somewhere,

I'm not without a measure of experience

Along certain lines.

No, no, no, nothing like that.

It's worse.

- J. J?

- Yes?

I am in a very...

A very strange situation.

Yes, I should judge so.

Perhaps a very serious situation.

Oh, I hope not.

Now, listen.

Can I trust you to keep your mouth shut

about this thing?

- At least just for the present?

- Well, of course, Cas.

Trouble is, I don't know.

I just can't be sure.

Yes, yes.

I mean, why Chicago?

I don't know. Why?

- Lf it had been New York...

- Yes?

But Chicago.

If you don't mind my saying so, Cas.

I don't seem to have anything

to keep my mouth shut on.

Well, look,

last year I wrote a book about that

scandalous ancestor of mine

called Casanova in Spain.

I wrote it because I wanted

to prove to the world

that I had something to look forward to

beside a schoolteacher's future.

Well, Cas, don't you think that we can skip

the high-minded aspects of this situation

and get strictly down to the nubbin?

Well, so I...

I took the manuscript to New York.

And while I was there I met a girl.

Well, now we're getting somewhere.

- Isabel.

- Isabel, eh?

What was she like?

Well, have you ever seen the sun

come up at dawn?

I have. It nauseated me.

I liked the way she walked,

the way she held her head

and her eyes...

Her eyes were like burned,

charred embers in a field of snow.

Big face, eh?

Little girl, almost childlike. We met...

Well, what was the score at this point?

Well, I took her back

to school one night in a taxi.

Thunderation, is this a schoolgirl?

No, college. Barnard.

She didn't want to get out,

so we drove on into the country.

- Yeah?

- On and on.

Then almost before we realized it...

And so, by the authority vested in me

by the laws of the state,

I pronounce you, Casanova,

and you, Isabel, man and wife.

Kiss the bride.

No, kiss her good.

How did you meet him?

Who introduced you?

Nobody. We just met at the library.

We asked for the same book

at the same time

- and then we got to talking.

- Talking.

- What does he do?

- He's an author, Dad.

Like Mr. Louis Bromfield?

Oh, well, not exactly.

See, they didn't accept Cas's book.

Oh, but it's wonderful, Mother.

All about his ancestor, Casanova.

Casanova?

Is this an Italian fellow?

A historical character, Father.

Rather fast.

But, Mother, he's nothing like that,

believe me.

Oh, he's kind and he's gentle.

What good is all this?

Just meeting him and talking to him

will tell you everything.

Why I fell in love with him.

Why I married him.

- Wait, just a minute, I'll get him.

- No.

Not yet.

At moments like this

when the way is not clear,

let us not forget that there is one place

where we can always find the answer.

In the stars.

Oh, Mother!

You're not going to drag

that stuff in again.

Oh, Dad.

Now, now, now, dear. Mother knows best.

And the stars know better still.

- Mr. Brown?

- Yes?

Would you be good enough

to tell me your birthday?

- Why, April the 8th, 1907.

- Thank you, sir.

You wouldn't remember the exact hour,

I suppose, sir?

- No, I'm sorry.

- Thank you, sir.

- Say...

- Yes, sir?

- Have you an ashtray?

- No, sir. I'm sorry. There aren't any.

Mrs. Drury doesn't approve of smoking.

April the 8th. Here we are.

Oh, dear!

Oh, dear, dear, dear!

Oh, you poor child.

Oh, you poor, poor, child.

Oh, dear.

Well, there's nothing to be gained

by keeping these facts from him.

Invite him in, dear.

Cas, dear.

- Are they sore?

- No, but just be careful, will you?

Of what, dear?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes