Casanova Brown Page #4

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The reason I never said anything

was because...

Well, it all happened so fast that,

well, I never had a chance

to break the engagement with Madge.

Well, this is what we call

a very droll situation.

Fatherhood on the wedding eve.

And yet,

- is it?

- Isn't it?

Let's sit down and discuss this again

more calmly.

Yes.

In the first place,

Isabel's home is in New York.

- Was in New York.

- They could rebuild, couldn't they?

So why Chicago?

They've got plenty of hospitals

in New York.

Lots of them.

Why would a New York girl

have to go to Chicago to have a baby?

Second, why this air of mystery?

If Isabel's going to have a baby,

there's no reason on earth

why they shouldn't just write

and say so in so many words.

They wouldn't have to hint and wink

and stall around like this.

And in the third place,

actually, there's nothing said

about a baby in this letter.

It's not even an intimation. Read it again.

That's right.

So the truth of the matter is

we've been working ourselves

into a fever over nothing.

This is exactly what I said it was

in the first place,

an advertising letter,

cunningly worded to arouse the curiosity.

What they call a "teaser. "

In a few days, I'll be getting the follow-up,

describing the accommodations

and quoting prices.

And that will be the end of it.

You believe that?

- Don't you?

- No.

Neither do I.

Well, so far,

they haven't called the constabulary in.

What are you going to do about it?

- Go to Chicago.

- Are you nuts?

I can catch the midnight,

be there tomorrow morning

and fly back in the afternoon.

But this is a chump idea,

nobody has anything on you.

I've got to find out about this thing,

and if it's true,

I'm going to make a clean breast

of the whole thing to Madge.

I don't want any secret like that

between us.

And if there's some mistake, well...

Now, look, will you promise me one thing?

- What is it?

- Don't go crashing in there yelling,

"I'm the papa. "

- You understand?

- I'm not.

Chicago's a big city. A lot of activity.

And if there's been a misdeal somewhere,

you don't want to be left

holding the spare card, do you?

- I understand.

- Yes.

From the moment you step

into that hospital, walk on eggs.

No matter what anybody says,

"No speak the English. "

You weren't even there that night.

You were in the YMCA in Cleveland.

- I know.

- Yes.

And above all things, don't sign anything.

- I won't.

Board!

Well, good luck.

Wasn't that Cas Brown?

- Where?

- On that train.

- Impossible.

- Are you crazy?

I know Cas Brown when I see him.

I am far from pleased, madam,

with this constant harping

on the question of my sanity.

- My name is Brown.

- Oh, you want Miss Petherbridge.

Thank you.

Miss Petherbridge?

- My name is Brown.

- Oh, you want Miss Gillespie.

- Miss Gillespie?

- Yes?

- My name is Brown.

- Oh, you want Miss Crampton.

She'll be back in just a moment.

- Excuse me.

- You want Miss Phillips.

Did you want something?

My name is Brown.

You wait right in there,

and we'll call you just as soon as we hear.

- I'm looking for Dr. Martha Zernerke.

- I know. I know.

You just wait in there, and we'll notify you

the minute there's any news.

And don't worry,

she's getting along splendidly.

Everything is going

to be perfectly all right.

This is a maternity hospital, brother.

If they had nine watches, they wouldn't

tell a father what time it was.

So you might as well do what she says.

- This your first?

- Yes.

- How long you been married?

- Oh, I'm not married.

Mr. Brown?

Will you come with me, please?

- Non-union.

- Yeah.

You go with him.

I wanted to see Dr. Zernerke,

you understand.

Yes, I understand, just go with him.

Thank you.

613. Here we are.

All right, get your clothes off.

Hey...

Here put this on.

Hey, just a minute!

There must be some mistake.

I came here to see Dr. Martha Zernerke.

I know it. Get your clothes off.

- Now, look...

- Get on here and lie down.

Hadn't you better call

the office about this?

What for?

You're 613, ain't you?

- Well, I suppose so, but...

- Well, hop on, mister, we're late now.

You're just nervous, that's all.

- What are they going to do to me?

- That's a medical secret.

She's doing nicely,

and the baby's a fine boy.

Oh, thanks. Golly, thanks.

Wait until Ripley hears about this.

Ninety-nine, ninety-nine, ninety...

Ninety-nine, ninety-nine, ninety-nine.

- This is a maternity hospital, isn't it?

- Oh, exclusively.

- Any tuberculosis in your family?

- No.

- Fits?

- No.

- Insanity?

- No, not yet.

That's all. You can put your coat on now.

Nothing else?

What's the matter?

Haven't you had enough?

Just routine, huh?

We always keep

a complete medical record.

Any particular reason?

Just reference. Future reference.

Just reference? That's all?

That's all and thank you very much.

You're in excellent physical condition.

Well, that's great, gee.

That takes a big load off my mind, too.

You have nothing to fear.

Well, I...

- Mr. Brown, isn't it?

- Yes.

I'm Dr. Zernerke.

How do you do, Doctor?

Mr. Brown's report.

Very good.

Very good, indeed.

- Excellent, Mr. Brown.

- Oh, I'm glad you like it.

- When is the wedding?

- Wedding tonight.

Oh, yes, I'm catching the 3:00 plane back.

You mean, you knew

about my getting married?

Well, naturally.

I see. Oh, I see.

Oh, well, that's what you meant

by future reference.

We like to have it on file,

you know, just in case.

Oh, of course. Well, that's a great idea.

Very practical.

And if anything happens

you've already got all the information.

Exactly.

Well, that's wonderful.

I approve of that 100%.

And if there's anything else, Doctor,

please don't hesitate to call me.

- Why, of course.

- Any time, the day or night.

Well, I hardly know what else

there could be.

And you, too, Miss Clark.

Just any time at all.

You really don't know how happy I am

about this whole thing.

But don't you want to take a look

at the baby?

Baby?

Oh, you must. She's such a little love.

Come along.

Even the nurses have fallen

in love with her, she's so cute.

And healthy.

You ought to see the way

she goes for her dinner.

You wait here.

Yours?

Yeah.

- Like her?

- Oh, she's fine.

But, say, how do you say she compares

with others of her age and weight?

Oh, perfectly normal.

Oh, just normal, huh?

A bit better, perhaps.

Well, I know this sounds rather foolish,

but she has all of her arms and legs

and fingers and toes, I suppose?

- Nothing missing, I mean.

- A full set.

The customary number and variety.

Isn't that wonderful?

Wonderful,

but not particularly astonishing.

Have you seen her mother?

- Who?

- Her mother.

- Miss Drury.

- Oh, is she here, too?

Well, she has been, oddly enough.

She's leaving either today or tomorrow.

- Shall I see if she's still here?

- Please.

623, please.

Hello, Miss Drury.

Mr. Brown is here.

Yes, all right. I'll tell him.

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