Cass Page #3

as usual.

And it ain't the best sight, 500 mad Geordie

lumps waiting at the station for you.

Right. We'll put our f***ing A-team on 'em,

right before the game,

when they ain't expecting it.

Have a squint at them, then.

Yeah, they're not bad.

Ain't you gonna put your name and address

on them as well, then?

- You cheeky bastard.

- Well, that's exactly what you need.

Something to let these c*nts know

exactly who the f***ing top firm is.

A little bit more f***ing exposure.

You gonna have a drink, then, love?

No, thank you very much.

Are you ready? Now, please, don't forget

just to look at me and not the camera, yeah?

Welcome to News Agenda.

Our subject today is the English disease,

football hooliganism.

An international poll

recently claimed that now, in 1983,

after the Royal Family,

it's what Britain is most famous for.

We've spoken to several authorities

from the world of football,

but today we're going to talk

to actual, real hooligans.

They've asked to remain nameless,

but the gentlemen concerned are members

of one of Britain's most violent gangs,

the Inter City Force.

Erm... It's the Inter City Firm, love.

Now, you're actual, real hooligans.

Can you tell me what it's like?

We've spoken to several authorities

within the world of football,

but today we are going to talk

to some actual, real hooligans.

They've asked to remain nameless,

but the gentlemen in question are members

of one of Britain's most violent gangs.

I'm intrigued to know why you in particular

are so attracted to such a violent way of life.

Isn't football the hotbed of racism

we always hear about?

Maybe so. But it's the only place

I've ever been accepted.

This is the way I see it, right?

Why did you bring me on this show?

I'll tell you why.

Cos the media in this country

is obsessed with hooliganism.

Most of it's sensationalised, cos that's what

sells papers. You've got a lot to answer for.

Admit it, the middle classes get a thrill

out of watching working class men

knocking seven bells out of each other

from the safety of their own living rooms.

We're not hurting anybody else.

We don't go round mugging old ladies

or robbing for drugs or anything.

It's something

for young men to do on a Saturday,

let off the steam

they've built up during the week.

We're not real criminals.

Some of my firm wore army fatigues

in the Falklands not too long ago,

and you lot called them heroes.

We're a warring nation. We're born to fight.

There's three million unemployed out there,

with what to look forward to?

Everyone's got to have some sort of buzz,

ain't they?

Some people do drugs, some are alkies.

Some smoke 60 a day.

Are you telling me they're not a strain

on the NHS or the taxpayer? Are we?

Well, that's the informed view

of someone who has a clear notion

of why we have this problem.

Now let's see

what the other side have to say...

- All right?

- Yeah, all right, son.

You seen me on TV last week, then?

Yeah, we saw you, Cass.

So did half London.

Phone hasn't stopped ringing.

Yeah?

Anybody else after an interview, then?

Do you honestly think

the police aren't going to come after you

and your silly little West Ham mates?

Now that they've seen you

mouthing off on the television?

What are you talking about?

I never admitted to anything.

And anyway, I got good money for that.

- Yeah? How much?

- Fifty quid.

- Fifty quid, eh?

- Cecil!

Don't bloody encourage him.

Well, was it worth it?

Or are you going to tell me it's all for

that overblown ego you value nowadays?

Fifty quid I got, yeah?

That's half a week's wages.

Well, start saving, son.

Cos a good lawyer's going to cost you

a hell of a lot more than fifty piddling quid.

I never brought you up to be an 'ooligan.

Yeah, well,

nobody asked you to bring me up.

Well, nobody asked me

to bring you up, either.

I didn't mean to say that.

You don't know what it's like for me.

I'm not like you.

I don't want to be another worker bee.

I ain't settling for that.

I ain't settling for a life like he's got.

Well, he put food on your table.

And he put a roof over your head.

And until you realise that

that's what it takes to make you a man,

then you will never amount to anything.

Yeah.

No. No.

Yeah. Yeah.

No.

Yeah. Yeah.

Everything, but everything, must be done.

But in the end, it comes to getting hold of

the perpetrators of these terrible things.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah.

That requires action

by the Football Association.

If need be, it requires fresh legislation.

It will get the full cooperation of the police,

and it requires the full cooperation

of the people in those clubs,

because they know who are their supporters

and they know who are not.

Yeah. Yeah.

- Behave! We ain't Crystal f***ing Palace!

- You what?

Maybe in a couple of years, eh?

I f***ing hate them Geordie c*nts, Cass.

I'll cut 'em to f***!

- Oh, come on, Cass.

- F*** off, mate.

F*** me, that knife was nearly bigger

than him.

Are you f***ing serious, mate? Piss off!

I wish we could get those responsible,

get them before a court,

and stiff sentences, so that they stop

anyone else in their tracks from doing this.

Now, that's what we want to do, because

we want to make it a wonderful game again.

Yeah, go on.

Yeah. Yeah.

It's the thugs that are destroying football.

Johnny Lyle's claret and Blue Army,

Johnny Lyle's claret and Blue Army!

Johnny Lyle's claret and Blue Army!

Johnny Lyle's claret and Blue Army!

Johnny Lyle's claret and Blue Army!

Who wants to have a f***ing laugh?

Come on.

I said, who wants to have a f***ing laugh?

All right, here we go.

How do you stop a dog shagging your leg?

Suck his cock.

Enjoy that, did you? You having a laugh?

Tell your f***ing face,

you miserable c*nt, eh?

ICF! ICF! ICF! ICF!

... East London, la la la,

East London, la la la, East London, la la la

You all right, mate, eh?

Did you leave Spit the dog at home today,

did you?

All right, listen.

My wife's got two c*nts, right?

I'm one of them.

Listen up!

We know who their top boys are, right?

So we go after them first,

and the rest of them will f***ing crumble!

These c*nts don't f*** about,

we saw that last season.

Any one of us goes down for this,

we all f***ing go there.

This is the f***ing big one. There'll be

no more talk after this on who's the top firm.

Well, come on, you c*nts!

What's got eight legs and a big, black c*nt?

The f***ing A-team!

All right, you all like football, right?

Yeah? You all like football?

Listen to 'em. F***!

- F***ing let me out!

- Let's get on with it.

This is where we make

a real f***ing name for ourselves, boys.

This is where we show

every other mob in Britain

who the real f***ing daddies are.

Are we the famous ICF or what?

Well, f***ing come on, then!

Ram it in!

He likes that one and all.

What do you call a lesbian Paki?

All right, Kunta Kinte, sit yourself down.

If Chicken George is coming in behind you,

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