Casual Sex?

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1

[ Chorus ]

Ol, ol

ol, ol

Ol, ol

ol, ol

[ Man ]

Yes, sir

Ha, ha

[ People Hooting, Whistling ]

Yes, girls

Me mind on fire

Me soul on fire

Feelin' hot, hot, hot

Party people

All around me

Feelin' hot, hot, hot

Oh, what to do

on a night like this

Music sweet

I can't resist

We need

a party song

A fundamental jam

So we go

room, boom, boom, boom

Feelin' hot, hot, hot

Feelin' hot, hot, hot

See people rockin'

Hear people chantin'

Feelin' hot, hot, hot

Keep up the spirit

Come on, let's do it

Feelin' hot, hot, hot

It's in the air

Celebration time

Music sweet

Captivate your mind

We have

this party song

This fundamental jam

So we go

room, boom, boom, boom

Feelin' hot, hot, hot

[ Woman ]

Casual Sex?

Feelin' hot, hot, hot

You gotta

be kidding.

I can't

deal with it.

Me neither.

Not anymore.

Just the thought of it

makes me paranoid.

We should introduce ourselves.

I'm Stacy.

I'm Melissa.

And right now we're both

scared of being single

and having sex.

I've always been

scared of sex.

Not me.

This is kind of embarrassing

to admit, but I remember when

it was actually fun to say,

"Wow, that really felt great.

What's your name again?"

I've never had

sex with someone

I didn't know.

For that matter I've never

said, "Wow, that felt

really great."

Sex always seemed like

the best way to feel

really connected with guys.

I guess that's cause

I grew up when I did.

I wasn't much of a trendsetter

during the sexual revolution.

It would have been a lot easier

if I would have been

more like Stacy.

Melissa,

you'll never guess what.

What?

Last night Kenny Kreiger

came over to

where I was babysitting.

- And guess what.

- What?

We were fooling around

and guess what happened.

What?

He made me touch it!

[ Both Squeal ]

It was so weird.

It was like skin,

only different.

What color was it?

I don't know.

I didn't look at it.

I just touched it.

You never saw it?

Well, I don't know.

It felt like... orange?

[ Both Squeal ]

By senior year, I saw it.

But I still couldn't

tell you what color it was.

A month after my 17th birthday,

I finally did it...

with it.

Is that it? Did we do it?

[ Boy ]

Yeah.

It kinda hurt,

but it was good.

Yeah. Did you see

my other shoe anywhere?

By my second year of college,

I knew I couldn't put it off

any longer.

I was the only virgin

left in the dorm...

except Ronny,

who knew even less

about sex than I did.

[ Exhales ]

Please, Ronny.

You're my best male friend,

and the first time I do it...

I want it to be with someone

I'm comfortable with.

[ Sighs ]

Well-- Okay.

But let's not get

all freaked out afterwards.

Thanks. I really

appreciate it.

[ Sighs ]

[ Flips Pages ]

I guess I should

undress now?

That would be good.

You want foreplay?

Yeah, that...

would be good.

[ Stacy ] I was especially hot

for struggling artistic types

with a lot of potential,

like Baylor Schneff,

neo-post-pop expressionist.

His lovemaking

was just like his art.

Primitive but passionate.

[ No Audio ]

Brian Ellis, lead guitarist

for Dripping Sweat.

I couldn't get enough

of those backstage passes.

Gunter Kroger,

the sous-chef that trained me--

He taught me to

trust my instincts

in the kitchen.

[ Laughs ]

Stop! I can't--

Joey Egan, the closing act

at the Giggle Box--

His timing was even better

horizontally.

[ Laughs ]

But not every man in my life

was an artistic genius.

Some I must admit

were very attractive strangers.

It was the early '80s,

and sex was still a good way

to meet new people.

[ Man ]

Uh, excuse me.

[ Melissa Narrating ]

I was never as adventurous

as Stacy.

Apart from that time

with Ronny, I only slept

with one other person.

Gary Erdman,

the guy I almost married.

[ TV Announcer ]

Three-pointer!

[ Melissa Narrating ]

I teach kindergarten,

and one of my kids fixed us up.

Well, actually

it was Joey's mom,

but Joey took the credit.

[ Urinating ]

God, I love the idea

of being married,

of not being by myself.

[ Toilet Flushes ]

Now with Gary, I thought

I was finally comfortable

with my own sexuality.

[ TV Announcer ]

No call. To Bird.

Inside. Off the glass.

[ Melissa Narrating ]

But deep down, I guess I knew

it wasn't gonna work.

Okay, so I didn't know,

but I had a feeling.

Gary?

Mm-hmm.

Do you love me?

Sure.

I love ya.

Unbelievable! The Celtics

always get the breaks.

[ Sighs ]

Two weeks before the wedding,

Gary changed his mind.

He said he was sorry,

but he was going through

a selfish phase.

Luckily, the tags

were still on my dress,

but I couldn't return

the 600 monogrammed napkins.

Just once I'd like to wear

a sexy white dress

blowing all around me...

and not have men

run away screaming.

Just once I'd like to have

the kind of sexual experience...

where you don't have

to go to the bathroom

and cry afterwards.

I bet Marilyn cried

in the bathroom after sex.

Probably more than once.

Everyone does.

Men too?

They can't.

They're asleep.

Maybe Melissa envied

my reckless past,

but some time

around the mid-'80s

I started regretting it.

One day I was standing in line

at the mini-mart, and I happened

to look at the magazine rack.

Time, Newsweek, People.

It was on every cover.

So, Stacy.

How are things

at the restaurant?

Oh, fine.

Yeah, when are they

gonna make you a chef?

Soon. Do you have my results?

Yeah, don't worry.

You're fine.

You tested for everything?

Yeah, I tested

for everything, okay?

And you're

perfectly healthy.

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

Good-bye, Stacy.

Oh, thank you, thank you,

thank you for sparing

a formerly flirtatious,

spontaneous, and let's face it,

much too promiscuous slamhound.

You won't be sorry,

'cause from now on I swear I'll

lead a life of pure sublimation.

I'll aerobicize

my little heart out.

I'll meditate.

I'll compose symphonies.

I'll do anything

to keep myself from ever

touching human flesh again.

I'll give new meaning

to the word "celibacy."

Ooh!

Stacy, you don't

have to commit to

lifelong celibacy.

Just practice safe sex.

Safe sex. Who'd have ever

thought those two words would

exist in the same sentence?

I don't know.

Maybe abstinence

isn't such a bad thing.

Beats sleepin' with guys

who don't call you back

afterwards.

And you and I have more

in common now that we're

both afraid of sex.

That's consoling.

I miss it.

I mean, I don't know how to

get close to men without it.

There's your boyfriend.

So what?

There's yours.

[ Snorting ]

Well, it's been 10 months

and 17 days,

and the only man

who looked safe to me

was Dr. Goodman.

And I wasn't

attracted to him.

Then it seemed like I wasn't

attracted to anybody,

and that scared me

more than AIDS did.

Where were you?

God, I'm sorry.

I got a great surprise.

What?

This is where we're going

on our vacation.

Okay.

"Oasis Health Spa."

They're all exercising.

That's not a vacation.

There's all kinds

of social events.

Look. There's dancing, parties.

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