Casual Sex? Page #2

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Look how pretty it is.

I don't know.

My mom told me about

a cruise to Hawaii...

where we can

lay out in the sun

and be blobs for a week.

That's a vacation.

Yeah, but what kinda guys

are we gonna meet?

At this place at least

we know everybody's

into being healthy.

It'll help me

with my paranoia.

Stacy. How's it goin'?

[ Gasps ]

Hi, Baylor.

Do you remember him

from the Fringe festival?

Oh, yeah. Hi.

Stacy, I'm into something

totally different now.

[ Shudders ]

I can't even put it into words.

Why don't you come over?

[ Stuttering ]

I'm sorry. We're having lunch.

Oh, yeah. Okay, great.

Let me give you

my new address.

My new number.

Okay?

It's a garage arrangement.

Great.

[ Sighs ]

[ Giggles ]

I gotta

get out of this town.

Good-bye!

Yea!

[ Giggling ]

[ Man ]

Yes, sir

Ha, ha, yeah

We're so

color coordinated.

God, we're gonna be

the best lookin'

ones there.

[ Car Backfiring ]

[ Man ]

Me mind on fire

Me soul on fire

Feelin' hot, hot, hot

Party people

All around me

Feelin' hot, hot, hot

Oh, what to do

on a night like this

Music sweet

I can't resist

We need

a party song

A fundamental jam

Feelin' hot, hot, hot

I want you two to know

you got the biggest room

in the place.

Really?

Yeah. It used to

be the honeymoon suite

when this was a regular hotel.

Why don't you two

take a look around?

I'll get your luggage

up to your room.

Okay.

Ready to go

break some hearts?

Uh-huh.

Bye, darling.

Bye.

See people rockin'

Hear people chantin'

Feelin' hot, hot, hot

[ Melissa ]

Oh, wow!

This is beautiful.

Oh, my God. I feel

so much healthier now,

and we just checked in.

It's in the air

Celebration time

Music sweet

Captivates your mind

We have

this party song

This fundamental jam

So we go

room, boom, boom, boom

[ Chorus ]

Hot, hot, hot

Come on.

Hot, hot, hot

How ya doin'?

My name is Vinny.

Oh.

Hi.

Hi.

You girls better be nice to me.

I came all the way from New York

just to meet you.

- Really? What part?

- Actually,

Paterson, New Jersey.

You familiar with

the Straight Street exit?

Mmm.

Not really.

No? What ya do, you hop on

the George Washington Bridge.

When you get past

the Leona Park exit,

you pick up Highway 80...

which is also known

as the Passaic Highway.

Vinny, I'm sorry,

but we-we have to get back

to our rooms.

Our suitcases.

Yeah. Sorry. Bye.

That's your

boyfriend.

Did I say

go West on 80?

Hey, how ya doin'?

My name's Vinny.

I came all the way

from New York just

to meet with you.

A lot of people

don't know that.

Yeah.

[ Continues ]

Make way for the condom express.

[ Melissa ]

What's that?

Just in case

you fall in love.

There's enough in there

for the whole planet

to fall in love.

- Well, that's the point,

Melissa. Hello?

- [ Knocking ]

[ Man ]

Hello.

Hi.

Hi.

Welcome to Oasis.

Would you like

to come in?

Yeah. Okay.

Room service.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I'm Jamie.

Uh, but for some reason,

I don't think you're

Chuck and Eli?

Oh, no. This is Melissa,

and I'm Stacy.

What can we do for you?

Uh-- Uh, part of my job

is to take the measurements

of all the male guests.

- [ Scoffs ]

- [ Chuckles ]

Uh, you're not hiding

Chuck and Eli in here, are you?

No.

[ Sighs ]

Why don't you take our

measurements? We gotta

get it over with anyway.

Right. Right.

[ Whispers ]

Confidence.

Well, come on. Who's first?

These aren't really my hips.

They're a cruel joke

that runs in my family.

Melissa, why are you

being so hard on yourself?

You look great.

Yeah,

I absolutely agree.

Now, Melissa, I have yet to meet

anyone who has come here totally

satisfied with their bodies.

Now, you may not have noticed,

but I'm not exactly what you

would call--

- Tall?

- Tall. Yeah.

And I've never

liked my feet.

Really?

I love my feet.

If you'd like me

to provide you with

some vital statistics...

that can't be measured

in a public place,

I'd be happy

to do so.

You mean your I.Q.?

My weight's okay.

It's just the way I wear it.

[ Gasps ]

[ Woman ]

Natural spring water.

From deep underground.

It purifies. It cleanses.

And everyone must drink

at least 10 glasses of it

a day.

Ooh!

How you doin',

Megan?

Pretty good.

You look good.

All right.

Thank you.

[ Jamie ]

Come on, with some energy.

Pick those knees up.

Pick 'em up!

Pick 'em up!

Oh, come on, Bianca.

Have some fun.

[ Jamie Laughs ]

[ Panting ]

Megan obviously got

the good trampoline.

Don't let it get to you.

Just think if you separated

her individual body parts...

with, say, like,

a huge meat cleaver and then

laid them out on a table,

you wouldn't think

she was such hot stuff.

You got

your flag?

- Hi. I'm Nick.

- I'm Stacy.

Hi, Stacy.

This is my friend

Melissa.

Hi, Melissa.

Hi.

Wow, did you guys

get all dressed up for me?

I'd love to say yes, but I was

really just hoping we'd look

fantastic in these beanies.

And you will.

But you need the flags

for the full effect.

Okay.

Okay?

Dig in.

Now remember,

don't show your flag until

Frankie gives you the word.

- All right.

- I hope you meet someone nice.

Okay.

[ Stacy ]

Let's get a drink, okay?

[ Melissa ] Okay.

I need

to cool off.

Hi.

Hey, hi.

It's Chuck and Eli.

Good to see you.

Welcome. Welcome to

the spa beverage center.

You guys want

something to drink?

I take it that's got

mineral water in it.

Ninety-seven percent,

just like your body.

If it was like my body,

it would be 97% ice cream.

I'll have some

guava juice, please.

Okay.

How about you, Melissa?

You remembered my name.

Hello! Okay, everybody.

Get over here. Come on.

Come back anytime day or night.

I live for makin' this stuff.

[ Emcee ] Okay, everybody.

Get over here. Come on. Come on.

Okay.

That guy's got

the biggest boner for you.

Stacy, he makes

fruit drinks.

He's a nutritionist.

You're a kindergarten teacher.

I say go for it.

No way. He's one

of those, you know,

really nice guys...

you just joke around with

like somebody's brother.

Wait. Where is everybody?

I thought you disappeared,

you all look so thin already!

I can't believe it.

[ Crowd Laughs ]

This is International Night.

Here's your chance to say...

bonjour, guten abend,

buongiorno and howdy

to all your new best friends.

[ Crowd Cheers, Applause ]

I hope you kept your flags

well hidden, because if you

haven't guessed by now,

the person whose flag

matches yours will be your date

for the evening, okay?

But now the moment has come.

So let's unfurl our flags.

Let's take them out right now.

Let's wave them up in the air,

shall we? Come on.

There we go. Wave them.

- Yea!

- There we go.

This is how it works.

You take your flag and

you stick it in the lovely hole

right on top of your head.

That's right.

Just like that.

Then when I blow the whistle,

you run, find your partner,

fall in love and have babies.

Yes, it's that easy.

[ Chuckles ]

Get ready, and--

[ Whistle Blows ]

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