Catfish Page #6

really sure l want to be now,

but l'm going with it because l feel

like l owe it to you. L really do.

You have such

a beautiful smile.

l keep changing your smile, because

you keep changing your smile.

But it's beautiful.

Can you show me

some of your things?

Well, my mom

painted that painting.

That's done by my mom.

My mom did that.

Do you like that painting?

Yeah.

l think l can see City Hall from

right here. Let me just get on my bed.

l think l stepped

on one of my bears

while they were sleeping.

l knew it was you.

l'm not a bear!

l'm a bunny.

When was the last time

you cleaned your room?

Uh...

Don't know.

Hey, baby.

l know what's wrong.

You want your

television back on?

You not happy today?

You took your shirt off.

You have to strap

this down to the floor,

because he was tipping

himself over in the chair.

We just got this

new wheelchair,

and it has too high

of a center of gravity.

What?

My arm doesn't

bend that way, baby.

You're going to have to stay there

for a little bit longer, honey.

All of his medications

also go through his G-Tube.

This one's Risperdal,

and this helps with

his self-abusive behavior.

lt helps to calm him down,

keep him from hurting himself.

Why do you think

that he does that?

lt's self-stimulating.

lt's just really,

really retarded. L don't

know how else to tell you.

Hi, Anthony. Luckily Anthony

doesn't sneak up on you.

He gives you

a little warning.

So you have to shave him

and everything? Everything.

They're in diapers. They're

just totally dependent.

He's going to bludgeon me

to death with the pan here

if l don't get up

and do something.

Sauce.

Yeah, l mean, she's got, like,

a lot of kids running around.

Her son was plowing.

He knocked over a power line

that knocked into a tree.

So, they had to cut down this,

like, 150-year-old maple tree.

She's, like, you know,

dealing with it.

She must be awesome'cause

her kids are pretty awesome,

at least from Facebook.

Hey!

No fair!

Hey, Megan?

Hey, it's Nev.

Your voice is not at

all what l expected.

Wait, that was a bad...

Another bad joke.

But you don't even

stop to tell me

that it's a bad joke.

You just ignore it.

She's got a really

nice voice, right?

Like soft and...

Mature,

very mature voice.

lt's hard to say anything until

we meet, and then... Whatever.

l don't know. L guess l could

agree to not get involved,

which is probably

what l should do.

Why would Angela

want you to agree to that?

Because l don't feel

like, realistically,

there's any way that

Megan and l can go out,

or be together,

without her getting hurt.

l'm not getting hurt.

This is how l typically spend

from 11:
00 on, every evening,

seeing who would call.

So,

which one is which?

This is 1211, that's the phone

number that was for Megan.

And this is 0580,

and that was mine.

Your home phone.

This is...

The home phone is there.

Add that, too. So, we'd

use that occasionally also.

What if

Vince picked up?

He never answers the phone.

l mean, hardly ever.

l have to tell him

to answer the phone.

So really not much of a

challenge there, with that.

What did she tell you about our

relationship, with my photographs?

Well, you are her

primary customer.

Right.

Primary.

Very happy with

that relationship.

ln fact, in a sense,

very appreciative

of what you have

done for her.

Because not only is

she a good artist,

but it takes somebody that

appreciates the art, you know?

l can drive downtown,

downstate in Ann Arbor,

and see starving artists all over with

vanloads of their velvet-painted Elvises.

You know, it ain't going

nowhere. And l've told her this.

"You've been given an

opportunity of a lifetime.

"Not many people have this."

But really it's... But you told

him that l was commissioning.

Yeah.

Every piece.

Yeah.

How much did you tell him

l was paying for them?

lt just varied. Whatever

came off the top of my head.

And it was part of my problem,

too,'cause l never wrote that down.

So he's like, "How much

did you charge for that?"

l'll be like,

"l don't remember."

So, he thinks l'm just terribly

forgetful all of a sudden.

l mean, it was an

amazing correspondence.

Yeah.

You know?

lt was a real, you

know, friendship... Yeah.

...that l was also

looking for, myself.

And l didn't want to

lose the friendship.

And there was times where l felt

like l was really overstepping,

and l'd try to pull it back

by being like,

"l don't want to

lose the friendship."

Right.

No matter what. L didn't want to

lose that, but then l was like,

"lf l'm lying, it's not

really a friendship anyway."

So, it just got harder.

And l really thought

you'd just end up hating me.

You were able to show me things

that l don't have access to.

We don't have access

to dance like that.

So, it's really been nice.

Dancing was an important part

of my life when l was younger,

and l always wanted to be

a professional dancer.

l just threw it away, really.

Threw it away to

have a good time.

So, a lot of the personalities that

came out were just fragments of myself.

Fragments of things l used to

be. Wanted to be, never could be.

That's all l ever want

to say about that.

You know, when l met the boys, l knew

l was making a sacrifice with my life,

but l didn't count

the cost of things

that l was going

to be giving up.

l'm sort of resigning

for the rest of my life.

And this year,

when l resigned my career,

l don't know, it's like

l gave up a lot of myself.

And l don't know

most days who l am.

She did express some

maybe suppressed

disappointment, in a small way,

at not being able

to pursue some of the

dreams that she may

have had growing up.

Did you ever talk

about that with her?

Did she ever

express that to you?

Yeah, she says

things like that to me.

Yes, and then

l remind her, again,

"What is it you want in life?

Because you can't have it all."

And then she comes back, "l

want to be with this family.

"l want my house, l want

security, and that's what l want."

Then, that's what

you shoot for.

Because if there's

something else you want,

then you need to

go looking for that.

l mean, l wanted to

ask Angela to

speak to me as Megan

for a little while.

Oh, gosh. L don't know

if l can. L think you can.

Here, you can use this.

That's cool.

l don't know.

lt's been a long trip.

Painful?

This has been the hardest

drawing l've ever done in my life,

for so many reasons.

Well, it better

be good.

Better be.

That's that.

Start over.

lt's...

What do you want me...

l know what's inside.

What's inside?

What's inside? Why don't

we just open it and see?

They used to tank cod from

Alaska all the way to China.

They'd keep them in vats

in the ship.

By the time

the codfish reached China,

the flesh was mush

and tasteless.

So this guy came up with the idea that

if you put these cods in these big vats,

put some catfish in with them, and

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