Cats Page #4

Probably quite ineffable

Moonlight

Turn your face to the moonlight

Let your memory lead you

Open up, enter in

If you find there

The meaning of what happiness is

Then a new life

Will begin

Moonlight

Turn your face to the moonlight

Let your memory lead you

Open up, enter in

If you find there

The meaning of what happiness is

Then a new life

Will begin

Gus is the cat

At the theatre door

His name, as I ought to

Have told you before

Is really Asparagus

But that's such a fuss to pronounce

That we usually call him just Gus

His coat's very shabby

He's thin as a rake

And he suffers from palsy

That makes his paws shake

Yet he was in his youth

Quite the smartest of cats

But no longer a terror

To mice or to rats

For he isn't the cat

That he was in his prime

Though his name was quite famous,

He says, in his time

And whenever he joins

His friends at their club

Which takes place at the back

Of the neighbouring pub

He loves to regale them

If someone else pays

With anecdotes drawn

From his palmiest days

For he once was a star

Of the highest degree

He has acted with Irving

He has acted with tree

And he likes to relate

His success on the halls

Where the gallery once gave him

Seven cat calls

But his grandest creation

As he loves to tell

Was Firefrorefiddle

The Fiend of the Fell

I have played in my time

Every possible part

And I used to know seventy

Speeches by heart

I'd extemporise backchat

I knew how to gag

And I knew how to let the cat

Out of the bag

I knew how to act

With my back and my tail

With an hour of rehearsal

I never could fail

I'd a voice that would soften

The hardest of hearts

Whether I took the lead

Or in character parts

I have sat by the bedside

Of poor little Nell

When the curfew was rung

Then I swung on the bell

In the pantomime season

I never fell flat

And I once understudied

Dick Whittington's Cat

But my grandest creation

As history will tell

Was Firefrorefiddle

The Fiend of the Fell

Then if someone will give him

A toothful of gin

He will tell how he once played

A part in East Lynne

At a Shakespeare performance

He once walked on pat

When some actor suggested

The need for a cat

And I say that these kittens

They do not get trained

As we did in the days

When Victoria reigned

They never get drilled

In a regular troupe

And they think they are smart

Just to jump through a hoop

And he says as he scratches himself

With his claws

Well, the theatre is certainly

Not what it was

These modern productions

Are all very well

But there's nothing to equal

From what I hear tell

That moment of mystery

When I made history

As Firefrorefiddle

The Fiend of the Fell...

(MUSIC FADES AWAY, GHOSTLY WIND)

These modern productions

Are all very well

But there's nothing to equal

From what I hear tell

That moment of mystery

When I made...

Skimbleshanks

The Railway Cat

The cat of the railway train

There's a whisper down the line

At eleven thirty-nine

When the Night Mail's

Ready to depart

Saying Skimble, where is Skimble?

Has he gone to hunt the thimble?

We must find him

Or the train can't start

All the guards and all the porters

And the stationmaster's daughters

Would be searching high and low

Saying, "Skimble, where is Skimble?

For unless he's very nimble

"Then the Night Mail just can't go"

At eleven forty-two

With the signal overdue

And the passengers

All frantic to a man

That's when I would appear

And I'd saunter to the rear

I'd been busy in the luggage van

Then he gave one flash

Of his glass-green eyes

And the signal went all clear

They'd be off at last

For the northern part

Of the northern hemisphere

Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat

The cat of the railway train

You could say that by and large

It was me who was in charge

Of the Sleeping Car Express

From the driver and the guards

To the bagmen playing cards

I'd supervise them all

More or less

Down the corridor he paces

And examines all the faces

Of the travellers

In the First and the Third

He establishes control

By a regular patrol

And he'd know at once

If anything occurred

He would watch you without winking

And he saw what you were thinking

And it's certain

That he didn't approve

Of hilarity and riot

So that folk were very quiet

When Skimble was about

And on the move

You could play no pranks

With Skimbleshanks

He's a cat that cannot be ignored

So nothing went wrong

On the Northern Mail

When Skimbleshanks was aboard

It was very pleasant

When they found their little den

With their name

Written up on the door

And the berth was very neat

With a newly folded sheet

And not a speck of dust

On the floor

There was every sort of light

You could make it dark or bright

And a button you could turn

To make a breeze

And a funny little basin

You're supposed to wash your face in

And a crank to shut

The window should you sneeze

Then the guard looked in politely

And would ask you very brightly

Do you like your morning tea

Weak or strong?

But I was just behind him

And was ready to remind him

For Skimble won't let

Anything go wrong

When they crept into

Their cosy berths

And pulled down the counterpane

They ought to reflect

It was very nice

To know that they wouldn't

Be bothered by mice

They would leave all that

To the Railway Cat

The cat of the railway train

Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat

The cat of the railway train

Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat

The cat of the railway train

In the watches of the night

I was always fresh and bright

Every now and then

I'd have a cup of tea

With perhaps a drop of Scotch

When I was keeping on the watch

Only stopping here and there

To catch a flea

They were fast asleep at Crewe

And so they never knew

That I was walking

Up and down the station

They were sleeping all the while

I was busy at Carlisle

Where I met the station master

With elation

They might see me at Dumfries

If I summoned the police

If there was anything

They ought to know about

When they got to Gallowgate

There they did not have to wait

For Skimbleshanks will help them

To get out

And he

Gives you a wave

Of his long brown tail

Which says I'll see you again

You will meet without fail

On the midnight mail

The cat of the railway train

The cat of the railway

Train

(CRASHING AND BANGING)

(SINISTER LAUGHTER)

(CRASH)

Macavity!

(LAUGHING)

Macavity's a mystery cat

He's called the Hidden Paw

For he's the master criminal

Who can defy the law

He's the bafflement

Of Scotland Yard

The Flying Squad's despair

For when they reach

The scene of crime

Macavity's not there!

Macavity, Macavity

There's no one like Macavity

He's broken every human law

He breaks the law of gravity

His powers of levitation

Would make a fakir stare

And when you reach

the scene of crime

Macavity's not there

You may seek him in the basement

You may look up in the air

But I tell you once and once again

Macavity's not there!

Macavity's a ginger cat

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