Cats Page #5

He's very tall and thin

You would know him if you saw him

For his eyes are sunken in

His brow is deeply

Lined with thought

His head is highly domed

His coat is dusty from neglect

His whiskers are uncombed

He sways his head from side to side

With movements like a snake

And when you think he's half asleep

He's always wide awake

Macavity, Macavity

There's no one like Macavity

For he's a fiend in feline shape

A monster of depravity

You may meet him in a by-street

You may see him in the square

But when a crime's discovered

Then Macavity's not there

He's outwardly respectable

I know he cheats at cards

And his footprints are not found in

Any files of Scotland Yard's

And when the larder's looted

Or the jewel case is rifled

Or when the milk is missing

Or another Peke's been stifled

Or the greenhouse glass is broken

And the trellis past repair

There's the wonder of the thing

Macavity's not there!

Macavity, Macavity

There's no one like Macavity

There never was a cat

Of such deceitfulness and suavity

He always has an alibi

And one or two to spare

Whatever time the deed took place

Macavity wasn't there

And they say that all the cats

Whose wicked deeds are widely known

I might mention Mungojerrie

I might mention Griddlebone

Are nothing more than agents

For the cat who all the time

Just controls the operations

The Napoleon of Crime!

Macavity, Macavity

There's no one like Macavity

He's a fiend in feline shape

A monster of depravity

You may meet him in a by-street

You may see him in the square

But when a crime's discovered

Then Macavity

Macavity

Macavity

Macavity

When a crime's discovered

Then Macavity's not there

(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)

(SINISTER LAUGHTER)

(CATS) Macavity!

(CATS WHISPER)

Macavity's not there.

We have to find

Old Deuteronomy

You ought to ask

Magical Mr Mistoffelees

The original Conjuring Cat

There can be no doubt about that

Please listen to me

And don't scoff

All his inventions

Are off his own bat

There's no such cat in the metropolis

He holds all the patent monopolies

For performing surprising illusions

And creating eccentric confusions

The greatest magicians

Have something to learn

From Mr Mistoffelees'

Conjuring turn

And we all say

Oh! Well, I never

Was there ever a cat so clever

As magical Mr Mistoffelees

He is quiet, he is small,

He is black

From his ears

To the tip of his tail

He can creep

Through the tiniest crack

He can walk on the narrowest rail

He can pick any card from the pack

He's equally cunning with dice

He's always deceiving you

Into believing

That he's only hunting for mice

He can play any trick with a cork

Or a spoon and a bit of fish paste

If you look for a knife or a fork

And you think

That it's merely misplaced

You have seen it one moment

But then it is gone

But you find it next week

Laying out on the lawn

And we all say

Oh! Well, I never

Was there ever a cat so clever

As magical Mr Mistoffelees

Presto!

Oh! Well, I never

Was there ever a cat so clever

As magical Mr Mistoffelees

Oh! Well, I never

Was there ever a cat so clever

As magical Mr Mistoffelees

His manner is vague and aloof

And you would think

There was nobody shyer

But his voice can be

Heard on the roof

While he was curled up by the fire

And he's sometimes

Been heard by the fire

While he was about on the roof

At least we all heard

That somebody purred

Which is incontestable proof

Of his singular magical powers

And I've known the family to call

Him in from the garden for hours

While he was asleep in the hall

And not long ago

This phenomenal cat

Produced seven kittens

Right out of a hat

And we all say

Oh! Well, I never

Was there ever a cat so clever

As magical Mr Mistoffelees...

(LAUGHTER)

Magical!

And not long ago,

This phenomenal cat

Produced seven kittens

Right out of a hat...

(DRUM ROLL)

(DRUM ROLL)

(CATS GASP)

And we all say

Oh! Well, I never

Was there ever a cat so clever

As magical Mr Mistoffelees

Oh! Well, I never

Was there ever a cat so clever

As magical Mr Mistoffelees

Oh! Well, I never

Was there ever a cat so clever

As magical Mr Mistoffelees...

Mystical!

Oh! Well, I never

Was there ever a cat so clever...

Magical! Mystical!

Oh! Well, I never

Was there ever a cat so clever

As magical Mr Mistoffelees

I give you the magical...

The marvellous... Mr Mistoffelees!

Daylight

See the dew on a sunflower

And a rose that is fading

Roses wither away

Like the sunflower

I yearn to turn my face to the dawn

I am waiting

For the day...

Now Old Deuteronomy

Just before dawn

Through a silence you feel

You could cut with a knife

Announces the cat

Who can now be reborn

And come back to a different

Jellicle Life

Memory

Turn your face to the moonlight

Let your memory lead you

Open up, enter in

If you find there

The meaning of what happiness is

Then a new life

Will begin

Memory

All alone in the moonlight

I can smile at the old days

I was beautiful then

I remember

A time I knew what happiness was

Let the memory

Live again

Burnt out ends of smoky days

The stale cold smell

Of morning

The street lamp dies

Another night is over

Another day

Is dawning

Daylight

I must wait for the sunrise

I must think of the new life

And I mustn't give in

When the dawn comes

Tonight will be a memory, too

And the new day

Will begin

Sunlight through the trees

In summer

Endless masquerading

Like a flower

As the dawn is breaking

The memory

Is fading

Touch me

It's so easy to leave me

All alone with the memory

Of my days in the sun

If you touch me

You'll understand what happiness is

Look, a new day

Has begun

Up up up

Past the Russell Hotel

Up up up up

To the Heaviside Layer

Up up up

Past the Russell Hotel

Up up up up

To the Heaviside Layer

Up up up

Past the Russell Hotel

Up up up up

To the Heaviside Layer

Up up up

Past the Russell Hotel

Up up up up

To the Heaviside Layer

Up up up

Past the Jellicle Moon

Up up up up

To the Heaviside Layer

Up up up

Past the Jellicle Moon

Up up up up

To the Heaviside Layer

The mystical divinity

Of unashamed felinity

Round the cathedral

Rang vivat

Life to

The everlasting

Cat

You've heard of

Several kinds of cat

And my opinion now is that

You should need no interpreter

To understand our character

You've learned enough

To take the view

That cats are very much like you

You've seen us both

At work and games

And learnt about our proper names

Our habits and our habitat

But how would you

Address a cat?

So first

Your memory I'll jog

And say a cat

Is not a dog

So first

Your memory I'll jog

And say a cat

Is not a dog

With cats

Some say one rule is true

Don't speak till you

Are spoken to

Myself, I do not hold with that

I say you should address a cat

But always keep in mind that he

Resents familiarity

You bow

And taking off your hat

Address him in

This form

"Oh, Cat!"

Before a cat will condescend

To treat you as a trusted friend

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