Cats Kill

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1

(silence)

(dramatic music)

(ominous electronic music)

(door opens)

- How was your shower?

- [Cat] Warm.

- Careful.

- Oops.

So what do you wanna do tonight?

- Really?

- What?

Let's go have some fun.

- [Ron] Cat, there's

jack to do around here.

- Well, let's go make some fun.

- [Ron] Like what?

- I don't know,

something dangerous.

An adventure maybe?

- We could rob the gas station.

- Ron, I work there.

- So?

- So, I need a paycheck.

And they would know

it was us in a second.

Plus, we wouldn't make enough

to run away with anyway.

- Welp, I'm all out of ideas.

- Come on, babe, let's

do something dangerous.

Something crazy.

- We could become

serial killers.

Take out a few tourists.

- Yes.

- Cat, I was kidding.

Look, being here is better than

being in the slammer, right?

Or dead.

- No, Ron, let's do it.

- Who are we gonna kill?

- Tourists, just like you said.

People come around

here all the time,

especially this time of year.

They come into the

gas station and flash

that same stupid

look on their face.

"Let's go to the country side.

Let's get away from it all.

Our lives are so stressful.

We're really important people."

It's bullshit, and you know it.

Let's show them just

how important their

lives really are.

- Yeah, I hate those people

too, but f***in' kill 'em?

- It's not like anyone's

gonna miss them.

They're all the same.

They're so replaceable.

- Look, it's not that I

don't agree, it's just--

- It was your idea, after all.

- I was messing.

- Yep, but you said it.

That means you were thinking it.

- Cat, we could get in--

- You were thinking, right Ron?

- Cat, seriously?

So how would you wanna do it?

(distorted electronic music)

(funky upbeat music)

- Can't believe your

dad let us drive this.

It's so nice.

- My dad has a better one.

(horn honking)

- Jesus.

- I'm so glad we're

doing this, you guys.

- Me too.

New Years was way too insane.

- I know, I don't even

wanna talk about it.

- It's not even worth all the

stress and, I mean, I had fun.

- Yeah, you did.

- Oh, shut up.

Go back to sleep, please.

I mean, I had fun,

but I just wanna relax

a little, you know?

Get out of the city.

- It's so nice

where we're going,

and the people are

really, really cute too.

(ominous piano music)

- Oh my God.

- Oh my God.

It's so quaint.

- So this is it.

Really beautiful little house.

You ladies did well to

pick it this weekend.

- It's so cute.

- It's perfect.

It's just like the photos.

- Yeah, on a nice

bit of land too.

It's very quiet.

As the agent of the

property owners,

I've got to give you a little

tour and go over a few things

before handing over the

keys for the weekend.

- This isn't your house?

- Oh no, I wish.

I live a town over.

I work for the owners.

- And they are?

- Older couple.

Like their privacy.

From what I know,

they live down in Florida

during the winter.

Unlike me, you don't have to

worry about them bothering you.

- Aw, snowbirds.

- Not a bother.

- I bet they have

some cool sh*t.

- On the property,

there are two sheds.

I doubt you find

any use for them.

In the first shed,

there's a tractor

and some other gardening

and lawn equipment.

Please don't use the tractor.

I don't know why you would.

- We won't, I promise.

- You could take a nasty tumble.

- Damn, that thing sounds fun.

- Looks like I'm gonna have

to watch out for you, huh?

Now, where was I.

- The second shed.

- In that shed there's a more

eclectic collection of items.

And, as you can see,

this is the pond.

Pretty, ain't it?

- It's really beautiful.

- Let's go swimming.

- Huh uh.

- Gorgeous.

- So these are the

lights for the kitchen.

Now, just check if that

water's running hot for you.

It should be.

- [Alana] Yep, all good.

- Okay, then that's about it.

- Thanks so much, Jim.

- My pleasure.

Here you go.

Now, it can get a little

cold here at night.

You know how to start a fire?

- Not really.

- I figured as much.

Here, I'll show you.

- Okay.

- Like an old monitor

that has tubes inside.

You see what I'm talking about?

- Oh my God, that's creepy.

- You guys going skiing?

- Not today.

- Guess it is

getting a bit late.

I hope I didn't

keep you too long.

Your friends look

ready for the slopes.

- Oh, no, we want to

get settled in first

and maybe explore the

town a little bit.

- Eh, not a bad idea,

although there's really

not much to explore.

(flames crackling)

You should probably

hold on to those.

- Don't worry, we'll be good.

- I'm sure you will.

Bye, girls.

- Bye, Jim.

- [Both] Bye, Jim.

(door closes)

(laughing)

- Finally, I call the big bed.

- They're the same size.

(ominous electronic music)

- [Rikki] Where do you think

you're going, marshmallow?

Ain't it familiar

The words are the same

You're playing a

game with my heart

- Ew.

- Ew.

What is this stuff?

- I don't know, Rik.

Definitely not gluten free.

- Ya think?

- [Liz] Hey, look, Twizzlers.

- [Rikki] Oh sh*t, yeah.

- 40 bucks on two, please.

And this too.

- Will that be all, honey?

- I think so.

Just one second.

Are you guys getting anything?

- Here?

- No thanks, we're full.

(laughing)

- You guys on a trip?

- How'd you guess?

We're staying in

town for the weekend.

- [Cat] That's

great, good for you.

- Just drove up from the city.

From there.

- Wow, I never would've guessed.

Well, you did pick a

good weekend to come up.

- You think so?

I'm a little worried

about the weather.

- Oh no, don't be.

You guys look

dressed for whatever

Mother Nature throws at you.

Here's your change.

You have a good weekend.

- Thanks.

- Take care now.

- I thought you guys wanted

to relax this weekend.

- You wanted to

relax this weekend.

I said no such thing.

- Relax, Alana, we're just

taking in some of the sights.

- Mhm.

- [Rikki] That's right, Alana.

Plus, doesn't he look relaxing?

- Hey, there.

- [Alana] Hi.

- You need any help?

- [Alana] I don't think so.

- You sure?

- [Alana] What do you mean?

- Let me just...

(gas cap opens)

Catherine inside told me

you guys had been out here

for like 20 minutes

without pumping any gas.

So thought I'd

come check it out.

- God, I'm so embarrassed.

I never drive.

We just drove up from the city.

- [Ron] Oh yeah, she

mentioned that too.

- [Alana] You guys

know each other?

- Yeah, everyone knows

everyone around here.

I'm Ron.

- [Alana] Alana.

Those beautiful squeegee snow

queens are Liz and Rikki.

- Erica Ostravsky,

at your service.

- Oh, Miss Ostravsky,

how elegant.

I'm Liz.

- [Ron] Hi, Liz.

Ron.

- We're saying at the

rental on Humberside Road.

Know the place?

- Oh, for sure, yeah.

Nice view from up there,

especially in the morning.

I'm sure you guys are

wondering what there is to do

around here.

We do have on bar.

- Not really.

Looking forward to staying in.

- Don't listen to her.

We'd love to go to one

bar with you tonight.

- [Ron] It's called The Shire.

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