Cattle Call Page #5

Oh, wow.

Oh, my God. There's something

about a man that can|play an instrument

that just makes me... hot.

Ooh, yeah.

Listen, um...

Let me walk you to your car. I have an idea.

- Oh.|- Okay?

But what about the audition?

I, uh... Even though|we're in callbacks,

I'll read you, okay?

- In the car?|- No, no, no, no.

A little later.

And maybe something|can happen between us.

We just, you know... We can't do it here.

Do you know what I mean?

- Okay? Okay, yeah.|- Yeah?

Definitely.

All right? Audition time. You ready?

Oh, no, no, no,|no, no, not that easy.

You need to play a song|for me on your guitar,

and then I'll audition.

Oh, if it's for you? I'll|do anything for you, baby.

Anything, okay?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. I almost climaxed.

That was good, right?

Yes, it was.

Have you ever had an orgasm|while playing the guitar?

Well, you know, there is this sort of, uh,

euphoria that comes over|you when you play, you know?

No, no, no.

I mean an actual, like...

orgasm.

No.

Well, let's take care of that, Papi.

You're a great girl, you know that?

Okay.

L... Listen... I... I can't...

No, play! Play!

- L... I can't do it.|- Keep playing. It's beautiful.

Listen, I, uh...

- I... I can't do it. It... It...|- Play it, b*tch!

- Listen, I...|- Play that f***ing guitar.

I can't split my brain up.

I can't...

You can come in my hair.

We found what we're looking for,

and you, you,|and you got the part.

- Oh, my God!|- What? Shut up!

Oh, my God! Congratulations!

Oh, my God. Without...|Wait, I didn't even read.

The new cast for Perfect For Me.

- Oh, My God!|- Oh, my gosh. That was so easy.

Got champagne. Congratulations, guys.|It's gonna be fun.

So when do we get a script?

Richie?

The script is at the printers.

Yeah, the printers. Exactly.

Cool.

Okay.

- So what is it about?|- It's about women.

- Yeah, women.|- And men?

No, no men.

I don't do girl on girl.

Oh, I do.

So when do we start shooting?

Uh, soon.

Yes, it's right around the corner.

We're shooting around the corner?

The studio in Hollywood.

We're gonna...|The big one where everyone shoots.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I wish that there were more producers|like you guys, 'cause you rock.

and that's our script.

That's a lot of work, man.

So we'll make Glenn do it.

It's so obscure, no one's gonna know|where we got it from.

I'm proud of you.

It took a while, but you are finally here.

Good work. All right.

You want a pad and a pen?

I'm Leland Briskin. Don't judge me|by this ridiculous badge.

It was taken off a dead|tour guide some time ago.

But pay attention to what|I'm about to tell you.

First of all,|hang very close together.

You're not to annoy|the stars at any time.

Action.

Did any of you ever|remember the film...

probably many of you are|too young, gazing about...

Sunset Boulevard?

I can tell you, I was a director.

Well, not a full director.

I was an A.D., and I was damn good.

I had too many affairs.

Anyway, don't use your cameras.

And the stars,

if they appear to be odd to you,

to be a little bit different,

a little off-bubble, as we say,

don't bother them.

They're here for a reason: To shoot.

Sometimes each other,|I suppose. I don't know.

Yes, what is it?

How do you make a film?

"How do make a film?"

Now stop it.

By the way, I'm not supposed to take tips,

but I want something.

Gosh, the lighting|is just perfect, you see.

Just overhead.|Look up, my dear.

Don't do everything you're told.|Yes, I'll look up.

Stop for a moment.

The arch here was used|in The Fall of the Roman Empire,

and they brought it back from Rome,

where they shot also in Spain,

and left this exact place|where all those...

I can't remember all the actors...

but isn't it marvelous, you see?

And they, of course, painted over it.

Robin Hood was shot...

I don't know if you|remember Errol Flynn...

fantastic actor...

And, of course, Olivia de Havilland,|Basil Rathbone...

It was all shot inside.

Oh, it's them. Hi.

Yeah, we're out front.

Okay. Okay, bye.

What are you doing on the phone?

Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.

How rude. It's the second|time I've caught you.

First it was the watch,|and now you're talking on the phone.

Do you have a cell phone?

Yes, I do. But it's in my pocket.

I don't care to see it.

- Well, I wasn't going...|- Yes, what does he want?

Could we use the bathroom?

I'm a Christian Scientist.|I don't have to go at all.

Thank God, they just called.

They're gonna come|and get us out front.

- What's going on?|- I don't know.

They said our names|weren't in the system.

So embarrassing.

Richie, come here.

- Come on, let's go. Act like you belong.|- I want to finish the tour.

This is where Lassie took a dump.

Hey!

Hey! How you doing? What's up guys?

Yeah. What are you talking about?

You gotta be kidding me.

You tell him he's an a**hole.

And you tell him I said that|to his face, all right?

I am so sorry. It's been a crazy day.

Yeah, lots of big|Hollywood meetings in there.

Wow.

We were hoping you guys|could, like, show us around.

Maybe show us, like, your office and...

Oh, yeah. You're gonna see|plenty of the studio

- when you're shooting.|- Right.

You're probably gonna get sick of it,

'cause you're gonna|be living here so much.

But, um, we actually|have to go, you girls,

because, uh, we're running late|to another meeting,

so I'm really sorry.

What the devil's going on?

I'm talking to you over there.

How dare you go off limits!

I think that old guy|is calling you guys.

I've begged you, begged you|and all the rest...

Just ignore him. He's crazy.

Excuse me for a second.

He's not talking to...

...not to go wander|out into the streets.

Do you understand that?

You are delusional!

That's a big word for a little chap.

You are not working|on this picture, okay?

- I gave you a chance...|- I told you never to break away.

What the devil's your name?

- Sherman Oaks!|- I won't have it.

- Oh, God.|- Is there a problem?

Yes. This young chap,|Sherman Oaks.

Isn't that something for you?

This guy stole the lighting grid|on my last picture,

- and we fired him!|- I want this man arrested.

He's unwilling to accept it, okay?

And he's making terrorist threats to my|crew and more importantly to my family!

I love that scene.

God, you were good for the first time.

- See what I'm saying? He's delusional.|- Excellent.

This man's out of his mind.|Get your hands off me.

I'm not gonna stand for this stuff!

Sorry, sir. We'll take it from here.

- What do you mean?|- Come on, Leland.

Just a moment.|I know what you're saying.

We're doing a prison picture, aren't we?

Honey, I've never seen you like this.

And it is sexy.

Do you think you guys are okay?

Yeah, everything's fine.

It's a tough business,

but, you know, you gotta love it.

Cheers.

Me, too.

Look, he's still working on it.

- It's a little strong.|- I'll show you how to do it.

Watch this.

Where are we going?

Richie, I... I gotta go.

L... I can't.

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