Cavalcade Page #3

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- Just coming, sir.

- Stop!

What gives? What gives?

What happened here?

My friends, you heard my call

And so I thank you all

But while you chatter here

My heart has been betrayed

Not so, not so

What foolish words you said to me

'Tis naught but your pride that's hurt

I'm very much afraid

Have you seen this? Have you seen this?

It's been all around

Who is this man who dares offend

The Princess Mirabelle?

Lied to me and cheated me

My daughter, let it be

Your poor heart's breaking

Whatever future

You are mistaking

All my life I have been dreaming

Now my dream must die

Within my heart I hid the song away there

But now I find the melody will stay there

Ladies and gentlemen,

Mafeking has been relieved!

(SHOUTING AND CHEERING)

(AUDIENCE SINGING)

(CHEERS)

- (CROWD CHEERING)

- (BAND PLAYING)

Come and hold this fork a minute, Annie,

or they'll have to call

a fire brigade to put my face out.

I once knew a woman whose front hair

caught fire when she was making toast.

And before you could count ten,

the whole room was ablaze.

They'd never have been able

to recognize her remains

- if it hadn't been for her cameo brooch.

- Fancy that now.

And how's our ladyship today?

Who's a lovely girl?

Don't burn that toast, Annie.

Kitchy, kitchy, kitchy, kitchy, kitchy.

Your dad's comin' home today, love,

safe and sound.

Safe and sound.

I only hope he is safe and sound, I'm sure.

You're a nice, cheerful body, I must say.

I've had experience.

When I was a girl, a friend of mine's

husband come home unexpected-like

from the Crimea with no legs at all.

(GIGGLING)

Stop it, Annie!

Now look what you've done.

Put another piece, quick!

They'll be here in a minute.

I do hope Ellen didn't cry at the station.

It does make her nose so red.

Alfred will be that pleased to see her

that he won't care whether it's red or blue.

(GIGGLING)

Come on, Annie. Hurry up.

- Where is Africa?

- What do you mean, where's Africa?

Where is Africa?

- Don't be silly.

- Well, where is it?

I never heard such an ignorant girl

in all my life.

Haven't you ever seen it on the map?

I seen it on the map.

But where is it, really?

You ought to be ashamed

of yourself asking such daft questions.

Well, do you know where it is,

Mrs. Snapper?

Oh, get away, Annie.

You're getting on my nerves.

Well, I would like to know where it is.

Whoa!

- I was dying and laughing at the time.

- (BOTH LAUGHING)

That's right, Ellen, you pay.

I want to see that baby of mine.

Cheers, old blowhard. Takes my kit in.

- ELLEN:
How much?

- DRIVER:
Half a crown.

ELLEN:
Ooh-eh!

Where's my love-a-duck? Hello, cook.

Hello, Ma.

- Where's my girl?

- There she is.

Hello, Fanny.

Ooh, ain't you grown?

You ain't half been feedin' her up, Ma.

Look at her smile. She knows her old dad.

(CHUCKLES)

Here. Put it down there.

- Good luck, old man.

- Same to you, mate.

Ooh, I thought it would never

come to an end, that I did.

And all the people yelling and screaming.

(CACKLES)

Here, Alfred. Take your great head out of

that pram or you'll frighten her.

Oh, she's knows me, that's what.

She knows her old dad.

Look at her, rosette and all.

Smart as me eye.

Hello. Who's this?

We haven't had the pleasure.

- COOK:
That's Annie.

- Hello, Annie.

Oh, welcome home, Mr. Bridges.

(GIGGLES)

- Well, Ma, how's everything?

- Well, I mustn't grumble.

I should just think not.

I've got a surprise for you.

- What is it?

- Ellen knows. I told her in the cab.

- Tell her, Ellen.

- No, you. Go on.

Well, Ma...

You know I said in my letters

about a lad named Herbert Smart?

Yes. Ellen read your letters out loud.

- Not all of them, I hope.

- Get on with you.

You never let yourself go further than

a PS and a couple of crosses.

- (ANNIE GUFFAWS)

- (LAUGHING)

Well, listen, Ma. This chap's got a pub.

- Pub?

- A pub. A beer house.

Oh, now, don't pretend you don't

know what a pub is, you rascal.

Well, anyhow,

he's got a pub in London here.

But he's stayin' in Africa,

so I bought it from him cheap.

Now, you can come and live with us, Ma.

What do you say?

Is it a respectable pub?

Oh, well, of course, it all depends

how you behave, Ma.

You know what you're like

after you've had a couple of snifters.

(CACKLES)

- Well, what do you think?

- What about them upstairs?

Oh, that's all right.

I took the master into me confidence.

He helped me with the money.

Oh, I can hardly believe it,

not having to live alone anymore.

(SOBBING)

Here, cheer up.

Have a cup of tea.

Let's all have a cup of tea! Come on.

Well, cookie, old girl, here,

how would you like to be a barmaid?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Where is Africa, Mr. Bridges?

Well, I don't rightly know where it is,

but it's bloody hot when you get there.

(ALL LAUGHING)

- BOYS:
We're so glad you're home, Daddy!

- Ohh.

I'll be glad too when you stop

pounding the breath out of me.

- Children, not quite so rough.

- Did you see many Boers?

Mmm? Oh, yes, lots of them.

- Did you kill any?

- No, we won't go into that.

- Did you kill any lions?

- Forty-four lions, a zebra, two ostriches

and, uh... Oh, yes, a cockyolly bird.

What is a cockyolly bird?

I'll come up and tell you

tonight in the nursery.

Now, then, off with you both.

I want to talk to your mother.

- Can I wear your hat, Daddy?

- You may.

Off with you.

(DOOR CLOSES)

- (WOMEN LAUGHING)

- (MAN SHOUTING)

Quiet, Annie.

- (MAN SHOUTING) Paper! Paper!

- What's he yelling about?

(MAN SHOUTING)

Paper! Extra special from the palace!

- The Queen! Paper!

- Well, what's the matter? What's up?

It ain't nothing to concern us.

Oh, Ellen, how can you,

when it concerns the whole country?

- (SHOUTS CONTINUE)

- What concerns the whole country?

Alfred's coming home

is all that concerns me.

Well, what are you all looking

so miserable about?

COOK:
The Queen.

The Queen?

The Queen. It says she's sinking.

- There, I told you so.

- Let's have a look.

She's very old, ain't she?

Oh, be quiet, Annie.

What's that got to do with it?

Well, I never seen her.

I have.

Driving along Birdcage Walk once...

Years ago.

God.

England won't half seem

funny without the Queen.

Mum, will Father be riding in the beginning

part of the procession or at the end'?

At the beginning, darling.

He'll be with the troops

that go in front of the gun carriage

with the Queen's coffin.

All these crowds of people.

They've been waiting for hours,

so patient and quiet.

There's hardly a sound.

I feel listless and sad...

As though her death were a personal loss.

Mum! Mum! There's a policeman

on a lovely white horse!

Oh, darling, don't jump about

and get excited.

- Edward, keep Joey quiet.

- Yes, Mum.

- Mum, could I ever be a policeman?

- Perhaps, if you're very good.

- Are all policemen good?

- Oh, as good as gold.

Why did Queen Victoria die, Mum?

Because she was a very old lady

and very tired.

Could I have another piece of cake?

Only a tiny piece, then.

There.

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