Cavemen

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Uh huh

Hey

We got to get started

We got to make it right

We're gonna keep on going

All day and to the night

We had a will to do it

We got the attitude

All right

We got to,

We got to get it started

We got to make it work,

work, gonna keep it going

We got to get started

We're going all day

and to the night

I said come on

All right

I said, I said, I said, come on

Hey

We got to get it started

We're gonna keep it going

all day and to the night

We just came from, uh,

80s night at 107.

We were in a...

Echo and the Bunnymen,

do you know that band?

No, what do they sing?

Uh... oh!

How the f*** am I supposed

to tell what song that is?

You do? Of course. I love you.

- And I love you.

- Hmm.

Anyway. So we're doing our thing.

Suddenly, I spot these

two Indian babes.

Pete later on discovers that the two

Indian babes are actually Indian dudes.

Oh no no, that's a different story.

Andre used to date an Indian babe.

That's right. Lovely ladies.

Anyway, I'm telling you.

These f***ing chicks were hot.

One was hot, one was not.

She was cute.

You are so f***ing insensitive.

Would you let him tell the story?

So the one sexy Indian

chick and her hairy friend

happen to make eye contact

with us from across the bar.

So I look over and I, uh,

signal them to come on over.

And they dance on over you

know Kama Sutra, some sh*t

and the hot one, she's ready to go.

And Pete here... he thinks

she's coming over to him.

She sits down next to me.

I'm telling you guys,

he's f***ing smoking.

You know, starts coming on to me and sh*t.

Like in what way?

Well she starts saying things like...

You have nice lips.

Is it bad if I want to

kiss you in public?

Bad for who? Not for me.

And being the gentleman that I am.

I lean over and I give

her these luscious lips.

Pete and the hairy chick,

they're just watching us.

Finally, Pete says...

Okay. I gotta get up early for work.

Wha-what do you do?

Uh, I'm a trader.

Ohh, mind if I join you?

Lucky for me, Pete

took one for the team.

You had sex with her?

- Oh yeah.

- No. I didn't.

I didn't have se...

Remember the brush burn?

Beth! Babe! Wait!

Dude, you're such a douche.

Whoops. Anyway.

So, I lean into the Indian chick.

I'm like, wanna go?

Why not?

So she grabs me,

pulls me into the alley.

She says, I want to

taste your hard candy.

And I'm like, my what?

Your hard candy.

So I'm like, f***. Savor the

flavor. Taste the rainbow.

She gives me the f***ing knob

slob right there in the alley.

After that, we go

back to her place,

drag her comforter out, take it up to

the roof, seal the deal right there.

My bare ass exposed

to all of downtown.

Quite pretty.

I got a nice ass.

Can you use it in your script?

Dean!

Hmm?

I'm giving you f***ing gold here.

I'm sorry, man.

Ohh, she's giving you E.

E?

Energy.

It's my new word.

Whatever. She's giving it to you.

No, she's not.

- Andre?

- Serious E, kid.

Capital E, kid.

- Hello.

- Tess!

- Hey.

- Hi, love.

You are looking quite

lovely tonight, Tess.

Yeah, okay. Thanks.

Um, what's the situation? Hm?

Well, Dean here was

about to go to work.

Would you stop?

Really? Who?

Nothing.

Back?

Oh, blondie?

You know what? The dress

is a little slutty, Dean. But...

Dean, she's got talent.

I would, but I already have

my lady for the night.

Oh yeah? Who's the lucky girl?

What are you doing?

What's he doing?

He's giving you E.

E?

E.

Oh. Right.

Uh huh.

I don't think so, buddy.

- All right.

- Oh.

You save me a dance and I'm

gonna go change this music.

Of course.

Damn, kid.

That was, that was subtle, man.

Hey, I'm in it to win it. Okay?

These people aren't here

to play f***in' Yahtzee.

They're here to get laid.

Look, all this talking is

just foreplay. It's bullshit.

Back me up, Andre.

We were just fulfilling our

primal needs, like cavemen.

Except for in prehistoric days,

They just exchanged a

few grunts and f***ed.

So basically, you're saying

that the only difference

between us and cavemen is

the evolution of language?

Which is ironic because

language is that very thing

that usually gets in the

way of us getting laid.

Pssh. Where do you

come up with this sh*t?

Little place called the

world wide web, my friend.

- Gay porn.

- Yeah.

Now. Get out there and

take what's yours.

Such an a**hole.

And see if she's got a friend.

Two friends.

Here we go.

Ah! Ah! Ohh.

Hey! Good job!

We have an announcement.

Oh yeah? What's that?

We are no longer quarreling.

That's a f***ing relief.

Why haven't you not called me?

It's been two days!

The kid's been busy.

Well, I can find me another man.

Oh, I know you can, baby.

Baby?

Baby.

Oh, baby.

- Aww. Baby.

- Baby.

I missed you.

So much.

Okay. Excuse me.

Taxi!

Jesus.

What happened to my dance?

I had to get out of there.

You never dance with me.

I think you'll get over it.

Sara's a crutch, Dean.

Who said I was going to Sara's?

Uh huh. Where are you going then?

Uh huh. Okay, you know what?

Whatever.

You've been warned.

And you know that I love you for it.

Mhmm.

Contact.

- Bye, babe.

- Bye.

Next stop, Union Station.

Are you really going

to Sara's, Dean?

Seriously, dude?

She's kind of a ho.

Look to your right, Dean.

Excuse me?

Look to your right.

That is love.

Are you lonely?

That's because you're alone.

Oh, yes. Yes, yes.

Yes, oh yeah!

- Hey, Sara?

- Yeah?

Have you ever been in love?

You ever think about it at all?

Just about love. You know,

about being in love.

With you?

Oh, not necessarily with me.

Just in general.

Not really.

What if I said it?

Say what?

What, what if I said I loved you?

Do you?

What if I said it?

Why say it?

Cause you wouldn't mean it.

Okay, so what if I meant it,

what would you say?

I don't know.

Think about it.

I think we've got a pretty

good thing going on here.

You do?

Of course I do.

Huh? Oh, no no.

No thanks, man.

You buy for girl?

Uh, no thanks. No girl.

Ah. You buy for boy?

No, I buy for a girl.

Ah. You buy for a girl.

All right. Here. Let's

see what I got here.

K. All right. There you go.

Ah. Arigato.

Sure.

Interior. The Cave. Night.

Pick up with Jake

wearing all black,

weaving his way through

the uber-hip crowd.

Another hopeless

night in La La Land.

That is until he sees her:

A Siren.

Goddess.

A Muse.

Call her Kat.

I love you.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

This dude's gonna tell her that he loves

her even though they've never met?

No. It's actually meant to be

symbolic of Jake's need to find love.

Let me rephrase the question.

Does Jake have a vagina?

Oh, you mean is he a transsexual?

Or maybe he's thinking about

becoming a transsexual.

Or maybe he got his deal lobbed off before

they could dig out a vag or something.

Yeah, yeah.

But they left him with a sack.

But with only one ball.

What the f*** are you

guys talking about?

Jake is a dude.

Fully equipped.

The most manly of men.

Right.

Who wants to fall in love?

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