Celal ile Ceren Page #6

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- Yes, that's me.

- You've got a package.

- Who's it from? What package?

Let me see.

Celal Manki.

Damn him.

What's he sent me?

What could that bastard be sending me?

What's he sent after all that?

We're not authorized

to open packages.

But the word "bastard" implies

there's been a separation.

Old belongings tend to get sent.

- Good bye.

- He sent it COD.

That'll be 47.90.

He must have decided to screw

you one last time.

He sent it COD.

That d*ckhead.

- What did he send?

- That loser. All my stuff.

- Here it is.

- The jerk.

Open it up.

What's in it?

Asweater.

Slippers. A hair clasp.

What's this?

What's this?!

This isn't mine. Why's he sending

other women's underwear?

Have I got underwear like this?

With butterflies, the idiot.

Is he trying to rub it in?

- Okay, calm down.

- Why should I?

- What are you doing, Kubi?

- What do you think?

- Did you sort it out, son?

- No, Dad. She didn't let me.

She wouldn't let me touch a thing,

and said she wanted my experienced dad.

- She said my dad should lay it.

- She's a good customer.

- I'll go sort her out.

- Sure, she's a good customer.

And such a welcoming hostess...

...so eagerto serve and please.

Such a good person.

Would you believe it, she was all over

me? You really should go.

- Fine, I'll go...

- Go and screw...

- What?

- Go and screw the cables down.

- She's got this amazing entre.

- Okay, I'll handle it.

- Did you send it?

- Yes.

There's a problem with the mother board.

The RAM's burned out.

We need RAM money.

I see, RAM.

How does RAM bum out?

Did you sit on those

RAM's?

It came with 250 GBs.

I got you another 32 GBs.

We salvaged 8 GB from Cemal's

old computer.

That's 290 GBs of RAM.

MIT doesn't even have that much RAM.

- I'll top you up at 300, but that's it.

- Okay.

What I feel right now is

something like disappointment.

I want him to suffer.

I want him to grovel like a dog.

We'll kill him and

play with his corpse.

So... What shall we do?

I've got an idea.

I'll torment him. The dog.

So, girls. Your problem is

attachment and tying the knot?

That's right, Mjgan.

A knot. Like a noose.

- Who's been wronged?

- Her.

Me.

- Have you got a photo of the dog?

- No. I tore them all up.

I've got one. I brought it

just in case.

- Hand it over.

- Dog.

This ragdoll is him.

First a curse,

to dry up all his luck.

So he can't meet anyone new.

And it all goes wrong if he does.

- Amen, sister.

Do you know what I want?

Awhole lifetime with you...

...full of smiles and laughter.

First get that parsley out of yourteeth.

That's no way to talk to a lady!

Don't look at me like that.

Go rinse out your mouth.

Where you'd get that T-shirt?

It's nice.

What T-shirt?

You're looking at my b*obs.

- No, I'm crazy about fabrics.

- Pervert. You're all the same.

You're all perverts.

Some like brunettes,

others like blondes.

I like them light-skinned,

like you.

Do you think you can say just anything

just because we're having a drink?

- What are you talking about?

- Are you looking at my b*obs?

- No, I'm not.

- Are you looking at my b*obs?

Pervert!

The first thing I notice in a woman

is her eyebrows.

Yours are amazing,

like twin gliders.

What's that supposed to mean?

Did you just goose me?

Have you no shame?

What do you mean, goose?

My hands are up in the air.

Don't lie.

I felt it.

- He did it.

- No, you did. Pervert.

Are you all crazy,

you're all smacking me.

Can you let me get off?

We've dried up his luck.

Now we can come at him

from the other direction.

- What do you mean?

- We'll get other men to want him.

Have you got nine-inch cable, sir?

- What kind of cable?

- Athick nine-incher.

No.

- Have you got a 12-incher?

- No.

- Have you got a 15-inch cable?

- Here you go, sir.

What's up, fag?

What's going on?

Hello. How are your oranges

today, Hasan?

Never mind my oranges, Celal.

Let me give you a peach.

A nice, smooth one at that.

Hasan, what are doing?

And at your age.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

What's that?

- What are you doing?

- You give me goose bumps.

What are you doing? Go.

- Hey handsome, want to go get a tea?

- What are you talking about?

- Please? Just a cup of tea.

Get out of here. I don't want any tea.

Just get out!

You're sure you haven't got any cable?

Bye-bye.

Is there a protest somewhere?

They keep coming one afterthe other.

Is there a parade or a procession

orwhat?

Okay girls, we've done a lot.

Shall I curse his very being now?

- His very being?

- I mean his everything.

Uncle Murat, as you know, Ceren and I

were togetherforsix years.

And it just ended.

I expected to run around

sowing my oats.

But there's nothing. Nada.

Like it's been cut off.

Sliced right off.

I can't believe it.

What used to be hard as a

hatchet handle...

...is now like a dead fish.

A leaky balloon.

I tried everything.

My friends all gave me advice.

I rubbed it with bleach.

I soaked it in ketchup.

I stuck it in the vacuum cleaner

for 5 or 6 hours.

When it turned purple I took it out.

I shocked it with batteries.

One at the tip, one at the base.

Nothing. No signs of life.

Okay. I understand.

It's completely psychological.

Look at this.

Primitive man. The problem

goes all the way back to them.

He lives in a cave with his family.

Here, he's going out to hunt.

He kills a deer and brings it home

to his woman in the cave.

They eat theirfill.

Then they hit the sack.

- Ah...

- You see...

Every man has a cave.

A place where they feel safe.

- Right.

- At the same time...

...they have a woman...

...with whom they feel safe.

- They do.

You don't have a cave

or a woman.

That's your problem.

Do whatever you can...

...to get one of those women

into your cave...

...and make love to her. Only then

will your dead fish wriggle back to life.

I see.

Murat, I've only had

two women so far...

...and I just broke up with Ceren,

So she's out of the question right now.

I'll have to find my

first love, Sibel.

If she's worthy of entering your cave...

...she'll do.

- She's worthy.

Now, I'm going to give you

a special syrup.

Take one capful one hour

before sexual relations.

Don't take too much.

It can cause loose bowels.

- I take it orally, right?

- That's right. Just one capful.

Or you'll get loose bowels.

A single capful.

A capful.

What do you mean, "loose bowels"?

It's better known as "the runs".

- Okay, Murat.

This is very difficult for a man.

There's no need to be afraid.

Murat is always at yourside.

Thanks. But there's one thing.

Don't tell anyone...

- I won't, son.

- Please, it's really tough.

I understand. Alright, Celal.

You can trust me.

Okay. Here goes.

This will make it easier.

Why not take two more capfuls.

So it's certain to work.

Here we go.

You haven't changed at all.

Flesh firm as ever.

- Makes a nice smacking sound.

- Don't do that.

- Don't.

- Don't.

Come on, let's do it.

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