Cellmates Page #2

If I get an early releasefrom prison,

I'm fixin' to return to my life as a door-To-Door

vacuum salesman.

- A vacuum salesman?

- That's brill vacuum cleaners, mind you,

- Unquestionably the finest value on the market!

- Well,

that sound like a hell of an honest job, Leroy.

But, uh...

what about the klan?

Hmm. Well, the klan's gonna have to get along without me,

- As I'm gonna be gainfully employed and all.

- I heard they're already gettin' along without you just fine..

- What have you heard?

- That they've elected a new grand dragon in your absence.

So there's plenty of time for you to sell vacuums when you get out...

In 19 months.

I want this place shinin'

like a pair of new boots!

You hear me?

Ever heard the story of the woman who walks into a man's life

And don't make one bit of difference?

Neither have I.

I think the time's come for me to give the good ol' warden here

A display of my influencein this neck of the woods.

- I'm gonna stir up a hell of a fuss!

- You are?

- Uh-Huh.

I'm gonna write the white tuna and I'm gonna call

On every klansmen east of the mississippi,

to support my cause!

- Right.

- Hundreds of folks are gonna rally at the doorsteps

of this institution

To demand that I be set free!

- Be a mighty spectacle.

- Pure jesus.

Pure jesus. Amen.

- You think you might make it saturday instead?

- What? Why?

Well, I'd rather not cause a hullabaloo on friday.

It's sweet potato day.

b====ryanon====/b

You should try the potatoes today, Leroy.

Pretty darn good for prison fare.

I don't see nothin' in here about my

stirrin' letter,

my call to action!

Don't even see my name mentioned in here.

Oh,

- Wait.

Here's somethin'.

- What?

"The New Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan, Ratt Sloan,

Had this to say about his predecessor, Leroy "The White Knight" Lowe--"

"I know he tried to join the Louisiana order

on at least two occasions

When he felt attendance

to his klan was slippin'..."

- Well, that's a goddamn jew lie!

- You went to bogalusa once.

- I ain't never been to Bogalusa!

I wouldn't be caught dead in Bogalusa!

- What else it says?

"Furthermore,

Grand Dragon Ratt Sloan "Has learned from unassailable sources

"That Leroy Lowe's mother is a...

Half-Breed jewess by the name of Finkelstein."

Oh, hell no! Oh!

Oh, when i get out of here,

I'm gonna find this son of a b*tch!

Bubba!

Bubba, bubba, bubba,

oh, come on now.

Come on, boy, get up!

Guard! Guard!

That piece of baked potato

That got stuck in bubba's throat

Cut off the oxygen flow to his brain

Longer than any piece of potato has the right to.

Bubba survived,

but he was never quite

the same after that.

He was transferred to low lee tuna

psychiatric ward,

Where he spent

the remainder of his sentence

in imbecilic hebetude.

I know bubba wasn't much to look at,

But he sure was good people.

It's a shame about Bubba,

a real shame.

He was a hard-Working member

of this establishment,

A man who packed potatoes

swiftly and efficiently.

He will be woefully missed.

But we must press on.

I reckon it ain't right for a man

To spend all his time alone

with nobody to talk to,

No matter what his crime is.

Besides, space is a scarce

and valuable commodity here at Low Lee,

And we need to fill

that empty bunk in your cell.

So i'm fixin' to pair you up

with a new cell mate.

Somethin' was in the air

That balmy summer day at Low Lee.

I could sense it as clear as a man feels/i

The hot desert wind on his face.

Somethin' big was headed my way.

Who the hell are you?

- My name is Emilio Ortiz.

- What?

- Emilio Ortiz.

- Guard! Guard, get back here!

You left a Mexican in my cell!

Guard!

Well, well, well...

Leroy Lowe don't like Jews,

He don't like negroes,

and he don't like mexicans neither.

I don't have a problem with nobody, warden.

I ain't anti-Colored, I'm Pro-American.

Pro-American?

( Chuckles )

You think you're the only one who's Pro-American around here?

Don't you think that I would like to tar and feather me

A colored folk from time to time?

Of course i do!

But it don't work that way no more.

Them civil rights laws make it very hard

To discriminate and segregate these days.

Of course, that's on the outside.

In here, the time-Honored tradition Of indentured servitude

Is alive and well

And doin' just fine.

This country was built on the backs of minorities

Workin' for nothin',

And I'm here to make sure

that it stays that way.

- Do you think that these award-Winning potatoes pick themselves?

- No, sir.

Of course they don't.

Before he was arrested,

That mexican sharing that cell with you

- Was working in the fields, he was getting paid for it,

and you know what he'd do?

- What?

He says he ain't gettin' paid enough!

He and his fellow workers organized a strike!

Well, the Tuna County Sheriff's Office

Marched right down there,

Clamped handcuffs on them radicals,

And they turned 'em over to me.

Now they're workin' my potato fields,

And they don't get paid a single penny for doin' it.

And that's how i take care of the minority problem,

legally.

I appreciate your position, warden.

I really do.

But if there's any way you could transfer

This particular radical to any other cell--

No way, no how!

I got me radicals fillin' every cell in this institution!

You know what happens when you put two radicals in the same cell?

You got a revolution!

But i figured that a few months

In tight quarters with you

Is gonna break

this radical's spirit.

Just make sure you don't break nothin' else

Because a broken body cannot meet quota.

- Am I gonna have any more trouble with you, Leroy?!

- No, sir.

Figure you could say I felt like

American frontiersman Davey Crockett.

Surrounded by savage Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo

With nowhere to run.

Well, I hear there's a mutinous agitator

in my institution.

- I believe this situation just ain't gonna work, Warden.

- I don't give a hoot what you believe!

I will not tolerate insubordination

And infighting in my prison!

You have got to learn to get along amicably

With your fellow prisoners.

- Do I make myself clear?

- I protest!

- I request, no, I demand a separate cell!

- Oh, really?!

Oh, si, the East Texas Alkaline soil is very hard,

My friend Cleto say to me,

"we strike."

And i say, "Cleto, if we strike, how we

can make any money?"

"Well," he say, after we finish the strike,

"We will get more money,

better working conditions,

And we will get more respect."

And so we strike.

We paint a sign that say we want more money.

We put it on a tractor and we drive the tractor

around the field

To show everybody we mean business.

I drive the tractor.

But I can't drive no tractor.

I hit one side of the barn.

The roof fall, It destroy 200 crates of melons.

In the truck on the way to jail,

I ask to Cleto,

"Cleto, we strike, But we didn't get more money."

"No," he say.

"We didn't get no respect."

"No," he say.

"We didn't get more work."

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