Cemetery Junction Page #2

What do you mean,

I never amounted to anything?

-You know what I mean.

-I don't. I've got two jobs.

-Two jobs?

-Yeah.

Working in a factory all week,

window-cleaning at the weekend.

-What kind of life is that?

-Window-cleaning is my business.

-Not proper business.

-How do you make that out?

-Cleaning windows?

-Yeah.

It's almost like begging.

It's not a proper job.

It's not in the Bible. It's pathetic.

-Go to your room.

-What for?

-Talking back to your elders.

-What is this, a Navajo village?

If I'm telling him off about swearing...

...why are you coming out

with cats' a**holes?

-"Bollocks" is worse than "ass."

-It's not.

Cats' a**holes

are worse than any bollock.

What would you rather have

in your head?

-Bollocks or a cat's a**hole?

-Len.

I don't want bollocks or asses

in my head.

Well, don't say it, then.

You're a lodger here.

-That's enough.

-I pay my pension every week.

Doesn't even cover your cheese

and crackers and omelet every day.

No wonder you're bloody constipated.

You're egg-bound.

"What am I selling?"

"I am selling security.

A great advantage

of a new life-assurance policy...

...to the man with money to put aside

is that it is the only means of saving...

...which instantly creates an estate

for his dependants...

...in the event of his death."

Do you have any questions so far?

No.

Okay.

"Life assurance helps to counteract

inflationary tendencies, contributes--"

Can I stop you there?

This is all fascinating,

but we're really not interested.

If you let me finish, you'd see

that for a few pence a week--

We can't afford a few pence a week.

We're saving for a holiday.

-Oh, where are you going?

-Spain.

I heard that's lovely.

The neighbors went.

They had a wonderful time over there.

They brought that donkey back

for us.

That's a lovely donkey.

It's nice, isn't it, Mike?

So that's what we're working towards

at the moment.

We really want the holiday.

We'd rather have the memories,

wouldn't we?

Fair enough. Thanks again.

Excuse me. I just need to speak

to my colleague for one moment.

-Mate, what are you doing?

-They don't want a policy.

-You gotta make them think they do.

-What about the holiday?

-F*** the holiday.

-Right. F*** the holiday.

Did you fight in the war, sir?

-Yes. Egypt.

-Well, I'd like to thank you for that, sir.

I'd like to thank the good Lord

that you came back safe and sound.

But, and pardon me for asking this...

...what's the point of fighting

and surviving...

...coming back to your wife

and building this lovely home...

...for her donkey...

...if you're not gonna

see the job through?

-What do you mean?

-If you don't put this money aside...

...and you die suddenly,

then your wage packet dies with you.

Your wife will go on living.

How is she gonna cope?

Is this government

gonna look after her?

They can't keep the lights on.

They can't keep the streets clean.

They will do nothing

and she'll be on her own.

I mean, I've sat with so many widows

who used to be...

...full of life.

Their husbands died and within

a month, they were a bag of bones.

They can't afford to buy food, clothes.

They can't afford to buy soap.

Soap. They can't afford

to keep themselves clean.

And they beg me, they say to me,

"Tell every wife what I now know."

Which is that old age is a living hell

if you are old and you are poor.

If that happens

because you didn't make provision...

...then it begs the question:

What the hell did we fight a war for?

Mrs. Waring,

is a two-week holiday...

...worth 20 years of misery?

Could I just speak to my wife

a moment, please?

Yes. Of course.

That was amazing.

Let them smell the wraith.

-How long you been doing this?

-Four years.

Top seller in three months.

Been to three Winners Balls.

-Winners Balls?

-Yeah. Balls for the best salesmen.

Amazing, fantastic.

Free food, all the booze

you can drink, and birds on tap.

You get yourself a pair of lemons

like this once a week...

...and you'll be down there too.

-Actually, we would like to--

-Of course.

There's a couple of things

you need to sign.

Freddie Taylor.

-Julie.

-You didn't recognize me.

-Yeah.

-You said you were gonna write to me.

-I haven't heard from you in 10 years.

-A lot's happened since I was 12.

-I've been busy.

-Really? What's been happening?

Well, my voice broke...

...I worked in a factory,

and I just bumped into you now.

-That's it. What about you?

-Nothing much.

-Made you cry when I moved away.

-Yeah.

-Forced to learn Latin for no reason.

-Nice.

-Got my camera.

-Yeah.

Oh, and I got engaged.

-You jealous?

-Yeah. I've always wanted a camera.

-Do you work for this lot?

-Just started. District agent. You?

No. I'm just meeting my dad.

He works here.

-Oh, who's your dad?

-He's the district manager.

Julie Kendrick. Of course.

Why aren't we going out?

That'd have been great for my career.

-Since when did you have a career?

-Since I bought this tie.

-Lovely tie.

-Thanks.

-What you? How goes it?

-Mike, this is--

-...Julie.

-Met the missus?

-Yeah, we know each other.

-Well, we used to.

-Need a word. Dad know you're here?

-Yeah.

-Okay, see you later.

-Okay, see you later.

-It was good to see you, Freddie.

-Yeah, absolutely lovely to see you.

-I didn't know you were--

-Banging the boss's daughter?

-It all helps. Morning, Janine.

-Good morning.

-See you tomorrow, Len.

-See you later, mate.

Ask him again. Keep asking him.

We're gonna break him. Talk!

All right?

-Hello?

-In here.

-Hello, Mr. Pearson. All right?

-Freddie, nice to see you.

-How's your mom and dad?

-Still together.

-Yeah. Good, thanks.

-And what about your new job?

-It's all right.

-Good for you, Freddie.

Told him about your new job, Dad?

Sitting on your ass all day

watching telly.

-It's my old back, like, you know?

-Still bad, is it?

-Well, have another beer.

-Oh, cheers. I will.

Yeah, I know you will,

you useless twat.

Hey, you shouldn't talk

to your dad like that.

He's lucky.

I don't usually talk to him at all.

-He's your dad, though.

-So it's f***-all to do with you.

See you later, Mr. Pearson.

Now we've got Mr. and Mrs. Wade

from Pype Hayes, Birmingham.

So I asked her out.

-Hello, Brian, Louise.

-Here they come.

-You all right?

-All right. How are you?

-Yeah, Snorky.

-Hello.

Three bacon sandwiches.

-Three--

-I want two.

-Two for my friend on a diet.

-On a diet.

-Hi.

-Hello.

I like your hat.

-Oh, cheers.

-Stop chitchatting.

Serve the customers.

Charlie Willis there ain't got all day.

Charlie, you haven't got all day,

have you?

Don't die there.

I'll stick you in the deep fat fryer.

Serve your knob up

as a battered sausage...

...and your old bollocks

as pickled onions.

I'm just joking.

-All right there?

-She likes you.

-What?

-She likes you. She told me she did.

-Want me to put a word in?

-No.

-Come on, she's nice.

-No way. I can do better.

-Doesn't wanna lower his standards.

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