Cemetery Man

- Hello?

- It's me.

Oh, am I bothering you, Francesco?

No, don't worry, I had to get

out of the shower some time.

Hold on a minute, Franco...

You were saying, Franco?

No, no, nothing. Just

calling to see how you doing.

You know how things are...

...life goes on.

Gnaghi!

I've been shouting at

you for hours. Gnaghi!

He's Ghigini, the surveyor.

- 12th row, 3rd grave, right?

- Gna.

Grave three.

Here we go.

I know you've heard this before,

but this time,

my dear Ghigini,

it is forever.

Rest in peace!

Oh, my back...

What a waste of good marble.

Never looks right when you fix it.

All this fancy packaging.

I don' know why they don't

just cover the graves with dirt.

The gun! I forgot the f***ing gun!

- Ea...t!

- Gnaghi,

give me the spade! Gnaghi!

give me the f***ing spade!

There we go.

You handle the rest Gnaghi.

My name is Francesco Dellamorte.

Weird name, isn't it?

Francis Of Death.

Saint Francis Of Death.

I often thought of having it changed.

Andrea Dellamorte would

be nicer, for example.

I'm the watchman of

the Buffalora cemetery,

I don't know how the epidemic started,

All I know is that some people,

on the 7th night after their death

come back to life.

I call them "Returners",

but frankly I can't understand

why they're so anxious to return.

The only way to get rid

of them once and for all,

is to split their heads open.

A spade'll do it, but a

Dum-Dum bullet is best.

Come and have a glass of wine.

Is this the beginning of an invasion?

Does it happen in all cemeteries,

or is Buffalora just an exception?

Who knows? And in the end, who cares?

I'm just doing my job.

Good morning engineer.

How are you doing today?

Fine, Miss Chiaromondo. And you?

The cemetery is open, isn't it?

For you, any time.

Hello cutie. Here...

How are you?

He's happy. He likes

it when the sun shines.

I'm not an engineer...

...and you are no cutie.

Poor Gnaghi, on his ID card it reads:

"Distinctive physical marks: all".

He has a real passion for dead leaves,

can't stand it when the

wind blows them away...

Oh well,

we all do what we can

not to think about life.

The most beautiful living

woman I have ever seen!

Will I see her again?

I just came to water the flowers

on your poor father's grave.

Husband.

How long has he been dead?

Two weeks.

- Thank goodness.

- What?

- I mean, I'm very sorry.

- Have you no respect for pain?

Well, you know how these

things are... You see:

- in time, pain heals.

- It's not healing a bit.

He was wonderful,

he was a wonderful lover, incredible,

tireless.

He was fantastic!

I messed it all up,

I've lost her.

Will I see her again?

Hey, Franco!

Franco is the only living person

who even calls me. Now and

then I stop by his office

to remind myself what he looks like.

You can't live on memories alone.

It's for you. Sign as usual.

- Have you got a pen?

- No.

Hold on a sec, here we are.

Have you had any visits last nights?

A couple, yes.

All this extra work! It's

much if the pay me any more.

Tell the Mayor...

Oh, tell the Mayor then what?

They'd close the cemetery.

Good-bye job and

good-bye house!

Come on, who do you

think would believe you?

Listen, I don't care if

you don't believe me Franco,

you're not the one who pays me!

I believe you,

I believe you, and you're right...

- At least have him pay the overtime.

- Good.

Well, let's go to the Mayor, then!

It's not that easy.

First you have to fill out an M3 form,

report with an M3 form...

Forms...

I could speed things up there for you...

It's easier just to shoot them.

One M3 form!

Going to get our willies wet tonight?

Some of us, yeah.

Hell, at a certain point

in life, you realize

you know more dead people than living.

Sorry about the other day, I was

a bit crass. I didn't mean to be.

My name's Francesco Dellamorte.

You know, this is the

only job I could get

even with a degree in biology.

Anyway we all end up here

sooner or later, don't we?

I've got a great little

house... Want to see it?

I don't live alone, I've

got a helper, Gnaghi.

He's a real conversationist!

The cemetery's small, but

it's got a marvellous ossuary!

An ossuary...

I have never seen anything so...

exciting!

Neither have I.

It's like in my dreams!

This is my dream.

I couldn't ask for anything more.

Me neither.

You know, you've got

a real nice ossuary.

Thanks.

You will allow me to return, won't you?

You will allow me to kiss

you just once, won't you?

No.

Not like this.

Like this.

I must be faithful to

the memory of my husband!

I can't. I can't!

It's not my fault... It's this place.

I feel strange tremors.

It's not the cold...

I'm not afraid...

This place wants me to...

It's forcing me to...

I don't want to!

I don't want to!

I can't! I can't!

Don't be afraid, it's just ignis fatuus.

Why here?

Why on your poor husband's grave?

I've never kept anything from him...

We trusted each other implicitly.

He would have liked to know.

Well, if that's the case...

All these lights!

Let them watch.

What's better than watching

two lovers making love, hey?

Just to have a bit of privacy.

Sorry, but the lady wants stars only.

It's never been like

this before, with anybody.

Only you.

No one will ever make us part.

Gnaghi! The gun!

I can explain! Listen to me,

you've always been so understanding!

That's life!

It's nothing my love,

you're fine.

Great,

just when I don't need it anymore.

Well don't just stand there!

Go call doctor Vercesi!

Go on, get the doctor!

Go on! Move!

Nothing can separate us.

I swear, nothing.

Nothing will separate us, will it?

Nothing, my love. Nothing.

Not even death?

Not even death.

Dellamorte, are you

in there? Dellamorte!

Jesus! You scared me to death!

Were you looking for

me, Chief Straniero?

Yes, Dr. Vercesi called.

What happened last night?

Well you know. Why are

you asking me? She's dead.

I know she's dead,

but how did that happen?

Her husband.

Sure! He came back from

the dead, he raped her,

then bit her to death.

Is that what he did?

No, he didn't rape her.

Oh, you always crack me up, you know!

Dr. Vercesi, are you spying on us?

No, I dropped this certificate.

Her heart stopped from fear, it

wasn't the bite that killed her.

She died while making...

well you know... doing it.

You know what that means, my boy?

I'll have to look somewhere else

for the creep who killed her!

- You are no longer a suspect.

- Why not?

Well, you know what I mean.

Look, don't make me say it!

Go on, you can say it. I

don't mind, I'm impotent!

Don't use that word! A young

man like you, at your age...

Did she have any relatives?

No, no relatives, no friends.

Well, I have to say that...

Sh*t! This is definitely not my style!

- Can I keep her here?

- If you pay for the funeral, of course

you can do whatever

the hell you want with her.

- Does that wrap it up, then?

- Yeah, except for a killer on the loose.

Care to join me for a cup of tea?

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