Cemetery Man Page #2

The weather's changing at last!

I can't forgive myself

for having lied to you:

I don't have a degree in biology,

I didn't even finish high school.

I haven't read more than

two books in my whole life:

one,

never finished,

and the other is the phone book.

I don't want her to become a Returner.

I don't want to see her again.

No!

Yes, my love!

No, don't make me do it!

But if you do it so well... so well!

Not to you!

It will be better with

me than with the others!

Gna!

You do it!

Well go on! If you finish

fast I'll buy you an ice-cream.

Gna!

- Here comes the Unforgiven.

- Who?

The Tombstone Mayor.

The man whose dick's so

small he pees with tweezers.

He could become a

woman. That'd solve it!

They are sewing them

back on in the States now.

Yeah, they can stitch it right on,

if you've got one to start with.

Forget it, I started that rumour.

The more they laugh, the

further away they seem.

You can never be too different, Gnaghi.

Maybe you can.

Engineer!

Engineer, engineer, come! Have a seat!

Well well well, what a surprise!

Yes! It's a miracle

seeing you here, engineer!

It's a miracle seeing

you here, Mr. Mayor.

So, how are things down at

our cemetery? How are things?

Well how do you think things are?

Population's shrinking.

You're lucky, my dear engineer!

You just can't imagine how

things are at the Town Hall.

Now that the elections are upon us,

it is chaos, right, inspector?

Yeah, it's a thrill for all,

nobody wants to lose their job.

I was hoping for a New Deal...

Daddy, what's this?

This is my assistant Gnaghi.

He's sweet!

Will you buy him, daddy?

That's great, it even knows how to cry!

Gnaghi, don't stay so close to her.

Could you move over, darling?

Would you tell your

daughter to move over please?

Yes of course.

Sometimes Gnaghi gets a little bit excited...

Oh, I'm sure he's

charming. Now, where was I?

What's he doing? Dancing?

No, no, he's just about to...

What the hell are you doing Valentina?

He threw up on me, Claudio!

Oh, a new fact!

Would you like to go for a ride?

I knew you'd understand!

Take off!

By the way, one of these days

I have to talk to you

about the cemetery.

The youth of today...

They're so... emotional.

Come on, Gnaghi! Get in, for God's sake!

Don't do this, just get in the car!

It's not the end of the world,

It didn't even bother her!

She understood it was just a

demonstration of your affection.

Anyway, it's not the first time

you threw up over a woman, is it?

Come on, Gnaghi, get in!

Look, first love doesn't count.

It's last love that counts!

Nobody came today.

I was a bit bored,

not even the admiral...

he's just disappeared!

Let's hope tomorrow, okay?

Yeah, come again and stay a while.

Oh, he was such a

distinguished man, the admiral!

Always used to bring me, always,

a touch of Sambuca.

Oh, come on Gnaghi!

You'll get over, you'll see!

Time passes,

nothing seems the same...

It just gets worse.

God, is it ever difficult

trying to make you feel better!

What were you doing with the Mayor's

daughter anyway? She's only a child!

Gna!

Oh yeah, that's not true,

you are not a child, Gnaghi.

You're a year older than I am. Anyway...

One day,

you'll settle down with some...

poor creature like yourself.

In the meanwhile, why do you care?

They all end up here

sooner or later, Gnaghi.

Often sooner than later.

Faster, open it up!

- If daddy could see us now!

- He'd kill me!

Claudio!

- Off we go!

- Go!

Go! Go!

Go!

- Hang on!

- Eat our dust!

Four motorcycles racing...

The Mayor's daughter is on one of them.

Her head was sliced right off.

They had to sew it back on the body.

The bikes crashed into

a bus loaded with scouts

on their way back from

a church-sponsored rally.

Slaughter of the innocents!

And they were all so young.

They felt their life was ahead of them,

but in fact they were already passing by.

Well, you've got your hands full!

Oh, more than you know!

Gnaghi, we're going to

need a lot of bullets.

# Never should have gone

out on the Boy Scout picnic,

# never should have, never

should have gone just then.

# Never should have gone

out on the Boy Scout picnic,

# Never should have, now

I'll never go again! #

Claudio! Take me with you!

Don't leave me all alone, Claudio!

Take me with you, my love!

Nasty tart!

My son wasn't with you!

He was promised to the Mayor's daughter!

- But he loved me!

- Liar!

He was mine, he loved me!

- Only me!

- Have you no respect for a mother's pain?

We're born to die,

born merely to die.

Do you remember?

Just yesterday,

she was alive, happy.

Do you remember?

Dear Gnaghi even threw up on her,

and she took it so well!

And now, she's gone...

and right on the eve of the elections!

I better get the pickaxe and shovel.

Pumpkin, how could you do this to me?

Is it true as they say, that the

dead come back to life here at night?

Tell me the truth!

Hey! Who told you that?

Is it true or not? Is it true or not?

What if it is?

I've got to see Claudio again!

I have to know whether

he loved me or her!

If I hear anything, I'll let you know.

No, wait...

Go away! I haven't got

time for the living!

Gnaghi?

Gnaghi!

Gnaghi, they came back

sooner than we thought!

Gnaghi wake up!

Gnaghi, watch out!

Gnaghi,

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.

Well, that's it, time's up and

I want you upstairs and

ready in five minutes! Okay?

Oh no, what's she doing here?

Visiting hours are over!

No one is going to

take me away from him!

Quick, get the f*** over here! Quick!

No, Claudio!

Claudio, take me with

you! Don't leave me!

Stupid cow!

Come on!

Wait! Wait!

Claudio please, take me with you!

Tell me you only love me!

Please...

Claudio!

You only love me, right?

Damn! It always shoots to

the right when it's cold.

Gnaghi!

No, please don't! He's only eating me!

Move aside.

Mind your business! I shall

be eaten by whoever I please!

This is my business. They pay me for it.

The living dead

and the dying living are all the same.

Cut from the same cloth.

But disposing of dead

people is a public service,

whereas you're in all sorts of trouble

if you kill someone

while they're still alive.

Wait!

This way they'll be together forever.

I'm sentimental.

Patience, Gnaghi.

In love, it's the waiting

that's the best part.

You have to learn how to wait.

- What's your name again?

- Gna!

Gnaghi.

I'm Valentina.

Haven't I seen you before?

Oh yeah. Now I remember.

You threw up on me. How sweet!

But I like shy boys.

And you never say no to a kiss.

Take advantage.

I'm certainly in no position

to refuse. Besides,

I don't think I'd refuse anyway.

False alarm!

It was only a cat.

No use you trying

to help me, little thing!

If I can't do it, imagine you...

Putting this skull together,

is one of the most difficult

things in the world.

You know, you really are

disgusting when you eat, Gnaghi.

Gna!

Yes, you're right. I suppose it all does

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