Chain of Fools Page #2

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...I figured he could use

a couple of million dollars.

This Avnet guy was a pig.

How are we going to find a couple of coins

in this mess?

We'll tear this place apart.

This place makes me sick.

I'm going to clean up.

Andy, no, you're not.

We don't have enough time.

We've got time, the guy's dead.

Fine, you do what you want.

I'll find the coins.

Hey, sugar, I'm glad you're home.

Who the hell are you?

We're the cleaners.

We're the cleaners.

- Cleaners?

- Merit Badge Cleaning.

- And we're here to clean.

- Yeah.

We're going to vacuum.

Did you get the vacuum?

I left it in the van.

- We'll go down to the van...

- Bullshit! That is bullshit.

What are you doing with Avnet's keys?

We had to get in.

Zachary Seymour Avnet.

I'm going to call the police,

because y'all is lying.

Don't do that.

- We're the cleaners.

- Put it down! Put it down!

- Put it down!

- Oh, sh*t!

Enough talking, all right?

Just tell us where the treasure is.

I don't know nothing about no treasure.

You know damn well

what I'm talking about, lady!

I think it's a guy.

You're a transvestite?

Yeah.

That is a sin against God!

That is a sin against country!

Come on, let's just go.

We're just going to go.

Wait one second.

Not only are you an abomination...

...but you are the ugliest transvestite

I've ever seen.

F*** you! That tears it!

I'm the best...

Andy. I got the coins.

I got the coins. Andy?

I got the coins.

Fireman's carry. Like a fireman.

Okay, come on.

Bollingsworth here.

Hello, Bollingsworth, it's Mikey.

I know you told me never to call

your mansion, but this is important.

I'm at Avnet's, but he got away

before I could finish him off.

Don't worry, I'll get him.

Hello? Hello?

How did I ever get into this mess?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, Mr. Avnet.

Get up here.

- There you are.

- Quick!

I dressed in black as you instructed.

I even brought the black Jaguar.

I'm ready to heist away.

Remember now...

...you're not here to heist away.

Just to watch.

I want to be part of the action.

I want to ruin Melander Stevens

with my bare hands.

You really hate that Melander Stevens,

don't you?

Yes.

I hate Melander Stevens.

The Shiny New Enemies...

...are my crowning achievement

as director of the museum.

A feat you would never have been able

to pull off, my dear Bolly.

You don't know Mandarin like I do.

The coins are coming in tonight.

You must have arranged

quite a lot of security for their arrival.

That's the trick.

I've announced the coins are coming in

Monday morning, in an armed escort.

They're actually arriving tonight,

under cover of darkness...

...in a regular delivery truck.

It's genius.

True genius.

No one will ever steal them

as long as I'm director of the museum.

Yes, I'm sure no one will.

Excuse me.

I heard you are

one of the craziest motherfuckers around.

What do you want, Mr. Businessman?

I wondered if you wanted

to make an obscene amount of cash.

- You're serious, aren't you?

- I never make light of money.

Do I have to have sex with you?

I certainly hope not.

Look, Mr. Avnet...

...let me buy you a gimlet

and perhaps I can explain.

What's your angle?

I mean, obviously you have a ton of money.

You don't need these coins.

It's perfectly simple to explain.

Melander Stevens is my worst enemy.

For example, he was made Grand Boar

at the Hunter's Club without a single kill.

He stole the stewardship of

the Mahjong Society from under my nose.

Recently, he bought the directorship

of the museum...

...a position that was rightfully mine...

...with the donation

of a decidedly questionable Gainsborough.

- I haven't understood a word you've said.

- I hate him.

He cheats...

...and he chews with his mouth open.

This robbery will absolutely ruin him.

But how are we going to fence these...

...ancient Chinese coins?

- "Fence"?

- Get rid of. Sell.

Yes, fence.

There are several disreputable collectors

in France...

...that would pay a pretty penny

for these coins.

The coins should be here any minute now.

When the van gets here,

I'll handle everything.

- No, I must be involved to the utmost.

- Fine, fine.

You asked for it.

Don't blame me if things get rough.

We agreed upon no rough stuff.

Take your hand off me,

before I rip it off.

If it gets rough...

...it gets rough.

You brought a sandwich to a heist?

Pastrami on rye. It's my favorite.

Care for a bite?

- Caraway seeds.

- It's good, isn't it?

Get out, get out! Now!

In front of the car! On your knees!

Hands on your heads!

- Avnet, don't do anything rash.

- Hey, pipe down!

Are you carrying

those ancient Chinese coins?

Answer me.

One...

...two...

...three, four, five.

Oh, God!

- Yes, we have the coins.

- Right.

Where's the key to the back of the truck?

- They're on my belt.

- Give me!

- Why did you kill those two men?

- That's your fault.

The number one rule of thievery:

There are no witnesses,

especially ones who have heard your name.

Are these those Shiny New Enemies?

Yes, those are they.

What's the number one rule of thievery?

Wait a minute. You can't kill me.

I have the gun, you have the brain

the bullet lodges in. Simple arithmetic.

What about the fencing?

I have to fence the coins.

You told me what to do.

I'll just go to France

and look for disreputable people.

How hard can that be?

If you let me live, I'll make you a rich man.

I am a rich man.

Goodbye, Bollingsworth.

Two men dead, Bolly.

Two men.

And the coins are gone.

And it's all my fault.

I'm ruined. Ruined.

I'm sure they'll be returned.

I can't believe this...

...cocksucker, or cocksuckers...

...knew about the secret delivery.

How the hell did that get out?

I'll have to remember

every single soul I told.

Well, Stevens...

...it could be anybody.

Perhaps the thieves just happened

to be driving by at the right time.

That's highly unlikely, don't you think?

Sergeant Kolko.

What a pleasant surprise.

Good morning, Mr. Stevens.

Sergeant Kolko,

this is Robert Bollingsworth, an old friend.

Bolly, this is Sergeant Meredith Kolko.

She's heading the robbery investigation.

- Pleased to meet you.

- Please, sit.

So, any leads?

- That's what they say, isn't it? Leads?

- Yes, it is "leads. "

We know two people were involved.

But I heard there were no witnesses.

That's right...

...but I discovered this

at the scene of the crime.

- What is it?

- A sandwich.

Pastrami on rye.

But not your common pastrami on rye.

This is bakery fresh bread

with two types of seeds:

Poppy and caraway.

Just like the one you're eating now.

No fingerprints...

...but we have two distinct sets

of teeth marks.

Will you make everyone in the city

take a bite till you find the culprits?

Not a bad idea, Mr. Bollingsworth.

Maybe we should start with you.

Sergeant Kolko is infamous

down at the station house.

It's rumored that she has a sixth sense

when it comes to tracking criminals.

I like to think my success rate

has something to do with my persistence.

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