Chalk It Up Page #2

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by staying with you this long.

We couldn't expect him

to last forever.

We couldn't?

No, mom.

I've already started

the paperwork

for the women's gymnastic team.

He'll be back.

It's a no-brainer.

Oh, apple,

you can't fix this.

- Yes, I can.

- Let it go.

Sure, we got you into Greene

to find a husband,

but obviously

Todd just isn't the one.

Start looking at the other

guys in your classes.

Figure out who's single...

Mom, I can be

more than a girlfriend.

Let's be serious.

What have you really done

since you've been there?

I started my own business

grading students papers.

Honey, we are

Mccreighton-hill.

We sent you all the answer keys.

Well, it's just

who you are, honey.

A pretty peppy girl.

Embrace it.

Focus on your business

classes not liberal arts.

They're happy middle class.

Dixie!

Get off the chaise lounge!

I gotta go.

Kisses.

N- no, no, mom.

Uh, a minute 30.

Yep, a new record.

I can be more than a girlfriend.

Absolutely. You are

going to be a wife.

We should set up

between the two trees

using space over there.

- Apple.

- Oh, Emily.

- Apple.

- Emily.

How are you?

This is Tanya

my wedding coordinator.

We're mapping out seating

on the quad.

- We know each other.

- She has me on retainer.

- Ooh.

- Can't wait for yours.

Todd moved to Oxford.

What?

Besties.

English wedding are divine.

And, left apple here.

Oh, honey.

No, no, it's fine.

It's fine. And I've got

a meeting to run to.

- Okay.

- Of course you do.

- Bye-bye.

- That's it, honey.

Make a new life for yourself.

Maybe I shouldn't have

said anything.

- Although your presentation is...

- Impeccable.

Disturbingly informative,

I can't just form a varsity

team out of thin air.

But you have a gym

just sitting on campus unused.

Plus, it says here

in the NCAA manual,

that once the gymnastics roster

is certified eligible,

the rugby team

can be back on the field.

Bing, bang, done.

I'm sorry. What is your

interest in this again?

Mr. Kelly...

- May I call you Preston?

- No.

We both know that rugby alumni

make up the second

largest donation pool

at $255,692 a year.

Are you really willing

to give up all those donors

just because you're not adhering

to title 9?

How would, how do you know the,

just the exact amount?

Your firewall is junk.

I hacked it...

I found it in seconds.

Look, these are the

simple steps to success.

Okay.

Recruit a team.

Certify eligibility.

Practice.

Compete.

All you have to do

is allow me to start

the women's gymnastics team.

No.

I want you to go.

No, he said absolutely not

in no way would he allow me

to mar his athletic legacy

with harebrained idea like this.

- So it's a maybe.

- Totally.

- On to plan b?

- Yay! I love plan b.

All right,

we start with recruiting.

Should be easy. There's got to

be lots of gymnasts at Greene.

There are no gymnasts at Greene.

But we found 12 former

gymnasts in the database.

I know.

I talked to all of them.

Only Emily said

she would on the team

if I agreed

to hand tie 600 ribbons

on her wedding invitations.

One even told me that I

didn't deserve to be here.

It's like

she channeled my mother.

Oh, BT-Dubbs,

your mother called.

- Yeah, how long?

- 15 seconds.

She said she was wondering

if you had any potentials yet.

- For the gymnastics team?

- Husbands.

Oh, and she wanted

to remind you to,

"get off your duff

and find a boyfriend already."

- Stakeout training?

- Yep.

I need to practice being

statue still for hours on end.

My roommate in the CIA.

Oh, speaking of which.

Greene students are busy.

I think you should do

what the CIA does...

Kill people.

No, you lunatic.

When they can't find an

agent they make one.

I don't know anyone in robotics.

No, like, ah...

Find people with

gymnastics-like skills.

And then turn

them into gymnasts

and make the team irresistible.

Exactly.

Like a secret society.

Ooh, that's even better.

I'll call it

"the skulls."

I think that's already taken.

Fine.

"The skills."

Mm.

There you go.

Goggles.

Cali, really? People

are starting to stare.

- Rugby guys?

- Yeah.

I gotta see who's left

to make sure you'll have a team.

They'll all come back

once our team is formed.

- Are you sure?

- Yes. All right.

Angelina Rubens former

cirque Du Soleil performer.

She took off after high

school for two years

- to join Librecon.

- No.

Let's get her.

Angelina, you

have been requested to join

"the skills,"

skills, skill, skills.

Follow the instructions

on the tombstone

outside your door.

Door, door, door.

Got it.

High-five.

Next is cashew.

A junior and a surfer girl.

- Ooh, good balance.

- Mm-hmm, exactly.

Cashew is her

native-American name

because they say

she's a refined nut.

And of course, Emily,

a two-time

national diver

and she did gymnastics

when she was little.

She made the JV rather than the

varsity team this year though.

So she quit.

Ever since didn't get to flip.

I've got Rebecca Moore.

An avid snow ski jumper,

goes by Becky.

Oh, I heard she almost made it

to the winter Olympics.

That is until her family

moved to Florida.

Hmm.

Courtney Castellanos.

A real gymnast.

The only one we didn't find

in our first search.

She's been out of the sport

for three years now,

but claims to be avidly pursuing

rhythmic gymnastics.

Perfect.

- My precious.

- Oh.

Sorry.

She's just so perfect.

Let's get the rest.

40 transfers.

40 transfers!

I know, but in our defense,

only one actually transferred

the rest we calmed down.

From Greene to brown just...

It's not funny, apple.

- Kind of...

- It's not funny, apple.

- Greene to brown.

- Oh, boy...

I could go for

a freezie pop right now.

- Can I ask about that?

- Yeah, I used to smoke,

and the freezie pops

calm me down.

- Does it always work?

- Do I have a freezie pop?

Am I calm?

No!

- You don't care about me.

- Preston, I care.

It's Mr. Kelly.

I care.

So he's not

totally on board.

No, no, but we must move on.

Meet the team,

and establish eligibility.

All right.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- Whoa.

- Oh.

- I have a boyfriend.

- Didn't ask you that.

I love Todd.

Am I on a secret quiz

show or is there...

No, oh, crazy town.

Must be like

oxygen depletion, right?

I am totally okay now.

Yeah, no, you totally look it.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Apple Mccreighton-hill.

- We've met.

Uh, when you wouldn't

look at my paper.

My name is Chet.

- You're in Todd's frat?

- Yeah.

And on the rugby team?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, I've got to go.

Okay, um, well,

I'll see you around.

Okay.

Ahem! Ahem!

I think I'm gonna be sick.

So you have the hots for him.

What?

No, I don't.

Yes, you do, but it's okay.

I have been spying on

the rugby team,

and he's trying to get

the team together.

Todd. My boyfriend

and future husband

who is hot and perfect.

Sure he is...

Let's meet our team.

Your next initiation test

- to the skills...

- Skills, skills, skills.

Athletic aptitude.

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