Charlie & Boots Page #7

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No. How can that be a limerick?

A limerick has to have

a certain rhythm, a count to it.

It goes, "Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da,

da-da-da-da..."

Da-da-da! Bullshit!

That's not a limerick.

Mine's a limerick.

Yours is not a limerick.

It's not. A limerick's

supposed to be funny.

Mine's hilarious. Yours isn't.

CHARLIE:
Limericks are an art form,

an ancient art form from Ireland, OK?

And I taught ya!

Can I help you, boys?

Yes, you can, love, as a matter of fact.

You look to me

like a woman of the world.

"There was a young lady from Bude..."

- Let it go!

- "Who got on a tram in the nude..."

No, "There was a young man

from McLeod

"Who was caressing

a girl in the crowd..."

No, that's a joke, not a limerick.

- It is a limerick, Dad.

- No. It's the "Girl in the nude."

- And it's not a vicar.

- It's always a vicar.

- It's never a vicar.

- Vicars are funny.

- They ride round on bikes...

- Look...

- On bikes? You are off your trolley.

- Look!

- What's it got to do with a bike?

- Look, I'm not interested.

It sounds disgusting.

You're both old enough

to know better, especially you.

Now, if you want to order food,

go ahead.

Otherwise, you can leave.

MAN:
Where are you blokes headin'?

Up to Cape York.

We're going fishing

off the tip of Australia.

Not in this, you're not.

Especially this time of the year.

This won't even go close.

Oh?

Oh, well, um...

..have to get a hold

of a four-wheel drive.

- Eh, Dad?

- Yeah.

Yeah, we can rent one.

Anywhere near here

we can get one of those?

Yep. Down at Cairns. No worries.

Well, there you go.

But unless it's got fins,

I don't think it'll help ya.

What do you mean?

It's the wet season.

River crossings are 30ft deep

this time of the year.

Then there's the crocs.

Bloody wet season.

Mate, we did bloody well

to get this far.

We can still

whip over to Port Douglas.

I reckon the fishing there's great. Eh?

Yeah, I know, Dad, but...

..you know, just once in my life

it'd be nice to actually achieve

something I've set out to do.

You know what I mean?

Does that thing work?

(FLY BUZZES)

I'm not going up in that.

Oh, yes, you are.

You've already dragged me

We're going through with this now.

Does it even fly?

Well, it did last time

we dragged it out.

Sorta.

(DOOR CREAKS)

I've gotta tell you,

I'm not too crazy about flying.

Especially in small planes.

MAN:
If you get scared, just close

your eyes. That's what I do.

Oh, fantastic.

Well, you could always stay here.

Look after the servo with Marge.

BOOTS:
Nup. Your missus scares me.

MAN:
Yeah, that makes two of us.

CHARLIE:
Hey, where do you get

your aviation fuel around here?

Aviation fuel? That's just

revenue raising for the government.

I use what I've got in the pumps.

That works just as well?

Yeah. Well, seems to.

MAN:
That'll do it. Climb on in.

(SIGHS)

I'm glad you blokes turned up.

I've been looking for an excuse

to see if the old girl

will still get off the ground

with a big load like this.

(SIGHS)

(ENGINE PURRS)

Mate, you know, I'm really glad

you talked me into this trip.

(GRUNTS)

CHARLIE:
Here's the captain.

Yeah, well...

Well, she's started.

That's always a good sign.

All tied in?

- Yep.

- Sort of.

OK.

PILOT:
Ah, sh*t!

BOOTS:
Are they cows

up there on the runway?

PILOT:
Not mine, the neighbours'.

I keep forgetting

to fix that bloody fence.

CHARLIE:
They look like Brahmas.

Good stock.

BOOTS:
Shouldn't we be pulling up?

Can we pull up, pull up?!

- (COWS BELLOW)

- BOOTS AND CHARLIE: Oh, sh*t!

That was a bit of fun.

PILOT:
Look at that, fellas.

Atherton Tablelands.

Home of agriculture, bananas,

pineapples...

Oh, f*** me! Not you too.

He's bad enough.

CHARLIE:
You get her up very often?

PILOT:
Nah.

Haven't been flying much lately.

Due to the fact

that the carby's a bit dodgy.

How long's this gonna take?

Oh, dunno.

Two...three hours.

Hope you had a pee before we left.

You do know how to find it, yeah?

I've flown to Cape York dozens of times.

Never as the pilot, though.

Now, the ocean's meant to be

on our left or our right?

Right!

Oh, well. No worries, then.

Mate, this thing,

can you do aerobatics in this?

No, it's not built for it.

I went up with a crop-duster pilot once.

And he done one of those stall drops.

Geez, it was fun.

I can do a stall.

Easy.

Thing is not to panic

just because the ground's

coming up at 200 miles an hour.

See that, Boots?

That's the beautiful Daintree forest.

Amazing, isn't it?

Just gently... pull it back.

Oh, that was fun.

PILOT:
Do you want to have a try?

CHARLIE:
(ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

Oh, me? Ohh.

Uh, I'd better not.

PILOT:
Look at that.

Great Barrier Reef.

One of the true wonders of the world.

PILOT:
It really is something, isn't it?

Wow.

I hope that's broken.

See that?

You can see both coastlines.

We've almost run out of Australia.

PILOT:
There she is.

CHARLIE:
So, that's Cape York, eh?

- Where's the airstrip?

- Airstrip?

I'll chuck her down on the beach.

- BOOTS:
Does that work?

- PILOT:
No worries.

As my old mate Bill used to say,

"Any landing you can walk away from's

a good landing."

PILOT:
God rest his soul.

(LAUGHS)

- PILOT:
You got everything?

- BOOTS:
Yeah, that's the lot, mate.

- Can't thank you enough, Roly.

- No worries.

Yeah, thanks, mate.

- I'll be back in a few days.

- Sounds good.

Well, better get goin'

before the sun disappears.

I hope I can find me way back.

(CHUCKLES)

("CATCH THE WIND'

BY DONOVAN PLAYS)

- There you go, son.

- Thanks.

Oh.

Sarsaparilla! (CHUCKLES)

Ahhh.

I... I've been thinkin' about buying

old Tommy Noonan's farm.

Of course l'd...

..I'd need someone to help me run it.

Photo.

For the fridge.

Ripper.

"There was a young man

from Bombay..."

"Who caught a slow boat

to China one day..."

"He was tied to the tiller..."

"By a sex-crazed gorilla..."

BOTH:
"And China's a long way away."

- (CHUCKLES)

- Here we go.

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