Charlie And The Chocolate Factory Page #4

Instead...

I found the Oompa-Loompas.

They lived in tree

houses to escape from...

the fierce creatures

who lived below.

The Oompa-Loompas

ate nothing but...

green caterpillars...

which tasted revolting.

The Oompa-Loompas

looked for things...

to mash up with

the caterpillars...

to make them taste better:

Red beetles,

the bark of the

bong-bong tree.

All of them beastly...

but not quite so beastly...

as the caterpillars.

Mmm.

(LAUGHS HAPPILY)

But the food they

longed for the most

was the cocoa bean.

(LAUGHS)

An Oompa-Loompa was

lucky if he found...

three or four cocoa

beans a year.

But, oh, how they craved them.

All they'd ever think about...

was cocoa beans.

The cocoa bean is the...

thing from which...

chocolate is made...

so I told the chief:

(EXCLAIMING)

(IMITATES FARTING)

They are such wonderful workers.

I feel I must

warn you, though,

they are rather

mischievous.

Always making jokes.

(LAUGHS)

Augustus, my child...

that is not a good

thing you do.

Hey, little boy... my chocolate must

be untouched by human hands.

(SCREAMS)

(GASPS)

He'll drown!

He can't swim!

Save him!

Augustus! No!

MRS. GLOOP:
Augustus!

Augustus, get out!

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMS)

(GASPS)

There he goes.

(SCREAMING)

Call the fire brigade!

It's a wonder how

that pipe is big enough.

CHARLIE:
It isn't big enough.

He's slowing down.

He's gonna stick.

(SCREAMING)

I think he has.

(GRUNTING)

He's blocked the whole pipe.

Look. The Oompa-Loompas.

Back off, you little freaks!

What are they doing?

They're going to treat

us to a little song.

It is quite a

special occasion.

Of course, they

haven't had a

fresh audience

in many a moon.

ALL:
♪ Augustus Gloop,

Augustus Gloop. ♪

♪ The great big, greedy nincompoop ♪

♪ Augustus Gloop, so big and vile ♪

♪ So greedy, foul and infantile. ♪

♪ "Come on!" we cried ♪

♪ "The time is ripe." ♪

♪ "To send him shooting up the pipe!" ♪

OOMPA-LOOMPA 1:
♪ But don't,

dear children, be alarmed. ♪

ALL:
♪ Augustus Gloop

will not be harmed ♪

♪ Augustus Gloop will

not be harmed. ♪

OOMPA-LOOMPA 2:
♪ Although,

of course, we must admit. ♪

OOMPA-LOOMPA 3:
♪ He will

be altered quite a bit. ♪

OOMPA-LOOMPA 4:
♪ Slowly,

wheels go round and round. ♪

OOMPA-LOOMPA 5:
♪ And cogs

begin to grind and pound. ♪

ALL:
♪ We'll boil him

for a minute more. ♪

♪ Until we're absolutely sure. ♪

♪ Then out he comes,

by God, by grace. ♪

♪ A miracle has taken place. ♪

♪ This greedy brute,

this louse's ear. ♪

♪ Is loved by people everywhere. ♪

♪ For who could hate

or bear a grudge. ♪

♪ Against a luscious

bit of fudge? ♪

(YELLING)

Bravo! Well done!

Aren't they delightful?

Aren't they charming?

I don't say, that all seemed

rather rehearsed.

Like they knew it

was gonna happen.

Oh, poppycock.

Where is my son?

Where does that pipe go to?

That pipe...

it just so happens to lead...

directly to the room...

where I make delicious...

strawberry-flavored,

chocolate-coated fudge.

He will be made into...

strawberry-flavored,

chocolate-coated fudge.

They'll be selling him by...

the pound all

over the world?

No. I wouldn't allow it.

The taste would

be terrible.

Can you imagine

Augustus-flavored,

chocolate-coated Gloop?

Ew.

No one would buy it.

(EXCLAIMS)

I want you to take Mrs.

Gloop...

up to the Fudge Room.

Okay?

Help her find her son.

Take a long stick and...

start poking around...

in the big chocolate-mixing

barrel.

Okay?

(MRS. GLOOP GRUNTING SADLY)

Mr. Wonka?

Huh?

Why would Augustus'

name already...

be in the Oompa-Loompa

song, unless...?

Improvisation is

a parlor trick.

Anyone can do it.

You, little girl. Say something.

WONKA:
Anything.

Chewing gum.

(RECITES) Chewing

gum is really gross

Chewing gum, I

hate the most.

See? Exactly the same.

No, it isn't.

Uh, you really

shouldn't mumble.

Because I can't understand

a word you're saying.

Now, on with the tour.

Are the Oompa-Loompas

really joking, Grandpa?

Of course they're joking.

That boy will be fine.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

What's so funny?

I think it's from all those...

doggone cocoa beans.

Hey, by the way,

did you guys know...

that chocolate

contains a property...

that triggers the

release of endorphins?

Gives one the feeling

of being in love.

You don't say.

All aboard.

(LAUGHS)

Onward!

WONKA:
Here.

Try some of this.

It'll do you good.

You look starved to death.

It's great!

That's because it's

mixed by waterfall.

The waterfall is

most important.

Mixes the chocolate,

churns it up,

makes it light and frothy.

By the way, no other

factory in the world...

You already said that.

You're all quite

short, aren't you?

Well, yeah.

We're children.

Well, that's no excuse.

I was never as

short as you.

You were once.

Was not. Know why?

Because I distinctly

remember...

putting a hat on

top of my head.

Look at your short,

little arms.

You could never reach.

(CHUCKLES)

Do you even remember

what it was like being a kid?

Oh, boy, do I.

Do I?

NARRATOR:
In fact,

Willy Wonka...

hadn't thought about...

his childhood for years.

KIDS:
Trick or treat!

Trick or treat!

ALL:
Trick or treat!

(LAUGHING EXCITEDLY)

Who do we have here?

Ruthie, Veronica,

Terrance.

And who's that under the sheet?

Little Willy Wonka.

(LAUGHING SOFTLY)

NARRATOR:
Willy

Wonka was the son

of the city's most

famous dentist...

Wilbur Wonka.

Now...

let's see what

the damage is...

this year, shall we?

Caramels.

They'd get stuck in your braces,

wouldn't they?

Lollipops.

Ought to be called

"cavities on a stick."

Then we have all this...

All this...

chocolate.

You know, just last week,

I was reading in a very

important medical journal...

that some children...

are allergic to...

chocolate.

Makes their noses...

itch.

Maybe I'm not allergic.

I could try a piece.

Really?

But why take a chance?

CHARLIE:
Mr. Wonka?

Mr. Wonka!

We're headed for a tunnel.

Oh, yeah.

Uh, full speed ahead.

How can they see

where they're going?

They can't.

WONKA:
There's no knowing

where they're going.

Switch on the lights!

People, keep an eye out.

We're passing some

very important rooms here.

What do you use

hair cream for?

To lock in moisture.

(MOOING)

Whipped cream.

Precisely. (LAUGHS)

That doesn't make sense.

For your information,

little girl...

whipped cream isn't

whipped cream at all...

unless it's been

whipped with whips.

Everybody knows that.

Stop the boat.

I wanna show you

guys something.

Now, this is the most

important room...

in the entire factory.

Now, everyone,

enjoy yourselves,

but just don't

touch anything.

Okay? Go on.

Go on, scoot.

Hey, Mr. Wonka,

what's this?

Oh!

Let me show you.

Thank you.

These are Everlasting

Gobstoppers.

They're for children

who are given

very little allowance mind.

You can suck on

it all year,

and it'll never

get any smaller.

(LAUGHS)

Isn't that neat?

It's like gum.

No.

Gum is for chewing.

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