Chasing Christmas

---

1

Ah, good morning, Present.

Right on time, as usual.

Ah, as punctual

as the devil himself.

You know, I've never

understood that expression.

- I met the guy.

He's late for everything.

- Hmm.

Speaking of

"late for everything,"

you would think the Ghost

of Christmas Past would have

a better concept of time.

You've got to love the irony.

Off the record, sir.

Have you noticed anything

strange about Past today?

What do you mean?

It just seems that every time

that I've talked to him,

he seems... distant.

He's always been distant.

Like over-distant.

[Present]

Well!

Well, let's get this

over with.

You have a hot date?

Oh, I don't know, dear.

What are you doing later on?

Ghosts, please.

Okay, let's hear it.

Who gets to go on this year's

spiritual guilt trip?

Mm-hmm.

Very well, then.

Meet this year's target.

[static]

His name is Jack Cameron,

currently residing in

Seattle, Washington, USA.

["Deck the Halls"]

[music continues]

[record scratching]

[TV] The highs are high,

and the lows are

getting chilly,

and with a little help

from our friend

Jack Frost

and a low humidity

cold front,

we might even see

a white Christmas

tomorrow morning.

Merry Christmas.

- [doorbell rings]

- [grunts]

Yeah?

Merry Christmas.

What do you want?

We don't want anything.

We want to give you something.

We saw you don't have

any decorations,

and we had extra ones

at our house.

Yeah, so we thought we would

help you out for Christmas.

You thought you'd help me out

for Christmas, huh?

That's great.

So this is like a gift, huh?

So I could, uh, I could

put this thing anywhere

'cause it's a gift.

I could put it here,

but then nobody could get by.

That'd be dumb.

You know what?

What about out here

in this area?

But, you know, it wouldn't

look right with the house.

Uh, how about right here?

- Perfect!

- [horn honks]

Merry Christmas, kids.

Wow.

So...

Yeah.

Party?

What time?

I don't know.

You know how weird

my dad is about today.

- [knocks]

- Hey, did you ta--

- Let me call you back.

- [phone beeps]

Come in!

Wow. Is that a new dress?

Yeah. Do you like it?

Yeah.

It's my Christmas present

from Mom.

Yeah.

Looks like something

your mom would get you.

It's very inappropriate.

You can see

your whole... arm.

My arm, Dad?

Yeah, both of 'em.

Well, at least she gives me

Christmas presents.

Listen, I give you double

birthday presents, okay?

That's not the point.

Yeah, well, I'll tell you

what the point is.

Do you know anything about

those two things dangling

from the mantle downstairs?

And what do those

"things" look like?

They look like decorations.

It's just stockings.

Stockings are

decorations, honey.

Are stockings a gateway into

more hardcore decorations?

I'm glad you think

this is funny.

Lighten up, Dad.

It's just two red stockings.

Respect my rule.

Your rule is stupid.

- Is it stupid?

- Yeah!

- Is it really stupid?

- Yeah!

Excuse me for trying

to spread some holiday cheer.

I thought maybe

after seven years

of banning Christmas,

you might've changed.

It's time to get over this!

Get over--

Hey, I am over this!

I am so over this!

But there's things

that you don't know, okay?

Oh, I know. I know...

that you're a psycho!

I am not a psycho!

I am not a psycho!

I'm not... a psycho!

This is my room.

You're supposed

to storm out!

- [whispers]

I am not a psycho.

- Whatever.

Jack was married in 1978

to one Alison Addison.

Has one daughter, Suzanne.

Born in 1990.

On December 24th, 1998,

Jack and Alison attended

Suzanne's Christmas pageant.

In the middle of the pageant,

Alison left to go

to the restroom.

She was taking a bit long,

so Jack went to check on her.

Only she wasn't

in the restroom.

She was in

the coat check room.

So?

- She was with Jack's dentist.

- Oh.

And they weren't

checking coats.

Ouch.

Jack and Alison were officially

divorced shortly thereafter.

She claiming she didn't want

to be married to a workaholic,

and he claiming he didn't want

to be married to a woman

who cheats on him.

She moved to London and

sees Suzanne once a year

during the holidays.

I know all this already.

Of course you do.

You know everything

that's happened.

I'm informing Present.

You know her... condition.

[Past]

I know, poor thing.

She'll forget all this

by tomorrow.

Doesn't it ever bother you

only knowing what is

and not what was?

Doesn't it ever bother you

only knowing what was

and not what is?

[Trevor]

All right, all right, please.

Can we get back

to the case at hand?

Now, since that night,

Jack has had a contempt

for Christmas

and forgotten

its true meaning,

causing him to be

chilly toward others

and weakening his relationship

with his daughter Suzanne.

Fascinating!

And completely

and utterly common.

Lots of people have lost

the true meaning of Christmas.

So what makes this--

What's his name?

- Jack.

- Ja-- Jack--

What makes him

this year's target?

Well, alphabetically speaking,

we are on the C's.

Yeah, the sleeve is about

a half short still,

and I wanted the collar

thicker, not thinner.

Yeah, by tomorrow.

Well, it's not a holiday

at my house.

If you can't do it,

I'll find someone

that will, okay?

- All right? Thank you.

- [hangs up]

- Mr. Cameron?

- Yes?

The workers were wondering

if they could leave

early today.

- Which workers?

- All of them.

All 79 workers

came in your office

and asked if they could

leave early today?

Sir, I volunteered to come in

and ask because, you know--

What is so special

about today?

Um, it's...

Christmas Eve?

Yeah, but besides that.

- Um, people want to shop.

- Uh-uh. See, as you know,

today is just like

any other day around here.

We all work our regular shifts,

and when we're done,

we can go home.

Yes, sir.

Also, the homeless shelter

called,

asking what time

they should stop by

to pick up the coats.

What coats?

The irregulars,

of course.

Oh, oh, yeah.

We're not doing that

this year.

What?

But this company has donated

the irregular coats

to the homeless

since your father

founded it in 1941.

Actually, I don't need

a Cameron Coat Company

history lesson right now.

We found a paying customer

for the irregulars.

The Guatemalan Army.

They bought 'em all.

They don't care if the epaulets

are upside-down or not.

They're not a very good army.

They'll probably only

wear 'em once.

So they get some decent coats,

we get a bucket of money.

Everybody wins.

Except

the freezing homeless.

Ms. Creed,

I am not heartless.

I'm gonna donate some coats

on the Fourth of July.

But it'll be

90 degrees in July!

Thank you!

Thank you.

As usual, you have

until midnight tonight

to complete the assignment.

Sounds pretty simple.

We make an appearance,

we show him the error

of his ways, and poof!

By morning he'll be singing

"Fa la la la la."

I hope it's that easy.

We need a success

on this assignment.

The head office

has been threatening

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