Chasing Christmas Page #2

---

to close the Ghosts

of Christmas program,

due to ineffectiveness.

Ineffectiveness?

When have we been

ineffective?

Hello! The Miami incident?

Ah! Hey, look, he could swim

when he was a kid.

Look, just stay sharp

this year.

The last thing we need

is to look bad.

Past, here's your

candy cane chronometer.

It's been preprogrammed

to take you back in time

to key points

in Jack's history.

Here are your

spectral snowflakes,

which will allow

you and the target

to remain transparent

while on the journey.

Ohh! I really need a smoke.

Do you have any

cigarettes in there?

- Ghosts can't smoke.

- Oh, please, Trevor.

What's it gonna do,

kill me again?

All right, then.

Twelve-hour countdown

begins...

now.

Uh, you haven't told us

who the point person is

on the assignment.

Matthew Preston,

Jack's ex-business partner.

Died one year ago

in a freak accident

while on vacation.

What exactly do you mean

by "freak"?

Hey, what was I

supposed to do, huh?

For one thing,

keep your eye on the fish!

I looked away for one second,

I mean, come on!

Okay.

Let's get down to business,

shall we, Mr. Preston?

Uh, hmm.

We need your help.

What?

Good night, Mr. Cameron.

Yup, good night.

And Merry Christmas.

[bell dings]

[phone rings]

Cameron Coats.

Well, well, well.

What a surprise.

Working on Christmas Eve.

What do you want, Alison?

I'm calling to wish you

a Merry Christmas.

Well, there,

you said it.

Jack, are you

still wallowing

in the holiday spirit?

Did Suzie get

the gift I sent her?

Yes, she got the dress,

and we're both happy to know

there's a Hookers 'R Us

in London, too.

Oh, and I suppose

you did better.

Oh, wait.

I remember, Jack.

You didn't get

our daughter anything

for Christmas, did you?

I wonder why, Alison.

Are you still banning

the entire holiday, Jack?

Don't you think that's

getting a little immature?

Would you like

to hear something

really immature?

What?

[muffled yelling]

[laughs]

[blues]

Jingle Bells

Jingle Bells

Jingle all the way

Oh, what fun

It is to ride

Yeah, yeah, yeah

In a one-horse

open sleigh

[Jack]

You know, Suzanne,

I was thinking

that since we're in the store

that has literally everything

that you might see something

that you really, really want,

and then I could

buy it for you.

[Suzanne]

But, Dad,

this is a drugstore.

Wait, you mean

a Christmas present?

No, see, it's nothing

to do with Christmas.

It's just one of those things

a cool dad does for his daughter

any day of the year.

Yeah.

Go ahead.

Anything you want.

You name it.

Anything except makeup.

Good evening, ladies.

Excuse me.

- Yeah.

- Do you have any other cola?

You need more than

what we got?

Well, I like this brand,

but I want the plain can.

I'm not following ya.

That's Santa Claus.

Don't want him on there, okay?

You got something

against Santa Claus?

No, but I just don't support

what he represents,

so... plain cans.

Santa not give you,

like, a train set

when you were a kid?

- That's funny. That's--

- Hey, Dad!

I got this

really great lipstick,

and it's on sale.

I'm sorry, but you have

to put it back because...

we are no longer shopping

in this establishment.

- Why not?

- Because apparently

the employees do not

respect the customer's

holiday beliefs.

Dad, you're embarrassing me.

Sir, I respect

your holiday beliefs.

I just, um, I just think

they're kind of weird.

Oh. Did you

not hear that?

Dad, they are kinda weird!

Honey, do not side

with the help.

Dad!

[groans]

Merry Ho-Ho!

So you just want me

to visit Jack Cameron-- Ah.

And-- And tell him that

he's gonna be visited

by three spirits?

- Yeah, that's it.

- What's the point of that?

I mean, why not just you guys

show up instead of me--

Well, it makes

the transition easier.

Seeing someone that you know

just smoothes the way.

I always thought you guys

were just fictional characters

that Charles Dickens

made up in that, uh--

Charles Dickens

was a two-bit hack!

Hey, don't get him started.

Charles Dickens was

a former target of ours

who chose to write a book

about his experiences,

even though we explicitly

told him not to.

But it was a great book.

It was crap!

Like everything he did!

Did you ever read

A Tale of Two Cities?

"It was the best of times,

it was the worst of times."

Make up your mind,

Mr. Dickens!

Okay, okay, okay.

But why me, huh? I mean--

Well, in a roundabout way,

you died as a result

of working too much.

And for our cause,

that is...

incredibly effective.

You're the only one

that can do this,

Mr. Preston.

Will you help us?

Will you help

your friend Jack?

Oh, where are we off to?

- Out.

- Out where?

- A party.

- A Christmas Eve party?

Yes, Dad,

a Christmas Eve party.

A Christmas Eve party.

Well, have fun.

I'm gonna sit right here

and give this night

the respect it deserves.

By getting drunk

and watching TV?

And eating frozen burritos.

But, Suzanne, go ahead.

Celebrate the worst day

of our lives.

Dad, we have two options

for focusing our attention

today.

One is presents, cheer, elves,

candy canes and sugarplums.

The other is an event which

took place seven years ago

that did indeed suck.

But it was seven years ago.

Honey, maybe one day

you'll grow up

and then you'll understand

what this day symbolizes.

And maybe one day you'll realize

that there's more to life

than dwelling in the past.

Really? Like what?

I'm gonna let you

figure that out.

Okay.

Now, I'm going

to this party,

and you should

consider yourself lucky

if I come back at all.

Oh, really?

Well, I'll tell you what.

You should consider yourself

lucky if I'm-- if I, uh--

[door slams]

Be home at midnight!

I'll have something witty

to say then.

Oh, if I... if I, um...

I got nothing.

I got nothing.

[sighs]

What, are you crying?

Are you kidding?

It's been, like, seven years.

Funny, I was expecting you

to be a little more shocked.

It's been

a really long day.

What happened to you, Jack?

Huh? I mean, you look bad.

- [Matthew chuckles]

- Uh, I look bad?

What happened to you?

The Matthew I knew

wouldn't have been

caught dead in that shirt.

Oh, wait. Too late.

Very funny. You know,

I could sit here all evening

and exchange witty banter

with you, Jack,

but I'm actually here

to tell you about your

plans for this evening.

Well, my plans are to stay in

and take it easy.

Oh, there's gonna be

a lot more than that

happening.

You're gonna be visited

by three spirits.

Is that three spirits

counting you,

or three in addition to you,

'cause that would be four.

Uh, in addition.

Okay, well,

that's four spirits,

and I wish you'd have

said that right up top.

Are they all gonna be

dead former coworkers?

No. They're gonna be

the Ghosts of Christmas.

Like in the book!

Yeah, like in the book.

But do yourself a favor.

Don't even mention the book

to these guys

because it's kind of like

a sore subject.

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