Chasing Christmas Page #3

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That would make me...

Scrooge,

and you would be like

that Bob Marley guy.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Something like that.

- Ah.

Doesn't any of this shock

or concern you at all?

You know, it would

if I didn't know that

it was a hallucination

brought on by the combination

of alcohol and stress.

All right, well,

don't say I didn't

warn you.

Okay, one's gonna

be here at 8:
00.

And then there's gonna be

another one at, uh...

What is that? At 9:00.

Oh, and then the third one

comes at 10:
00.

And that's the Ghost of

Christmas Future, am I right?

Yes, yes.

But you know what?

I gotta get going.

And, Jack, Merry Christmas.

Oh...

That ain't right.

[sighs]

[screams]

How'd you get in here?

Were you not listening

to the dead-fish guy?

It was only an hour ago,

for crying out loud.

Who are you?

Are you gonna hit me

with that lamp?

Are you gonna

lamp me to death?

Who are you?

Well, who do you think I am?

I'm the Ghost

of Christmas Past!

You mean, that was--

That's right.

No. No, no, no, no.

No, you're a hallucination

brought on by a combination

of alcohol and stress.

Try this

for a hallucination.

All right!

Let's get going.

- Ouch.

- Chop chop!

We've got places to be.

Mustn't dawdle.

Whoa, whoa, what are you

gonna do with that?

This.

[beeping]

Snow?

Get up!

Hey.

That looks just like

the house I grew up in

in St. Canard, Illinois.

You're kidding!

Except it can't be 'cause

they tore it down years ago.

Ha! That's why the call me

the Ghost of Christmas Past.

It's December 24th, 1965.

And inside that house is you

as a young child, sleeping.

Why me?

In the book,

Ebenezer Scrooge

is a mean old man

who hates Christmas.

I, I just--

Ding ding ding!

Congratulations,

contestant!

Let's see what's behind

door number two, shall we?

Wait a minute.

I'm not just some

mean old man, okay?

I hate Christmas

for a reason.

Something very bad

happened to me,

and no amount of

memories you show me

is gonna change that.

Zip it! Zip, zip, zip!

You know, Jack,

I could honestly

not care less about you.

Your messed up,

whiny little life,

your inability

to function in society,

your relationship

with your daughter,

which any psychologist

would call disastrous.

All I really want

is to get your butt

in that house

so we can do our thing,

and I can go.

Okay, so long as

we're on the same page.

Ta-da!

Hey!

Can they hear me?

Yes, Jack,

they can hear you.

That's why I brought you

back in time,

so we can all sit around

the fire, chew the fat.

Talk over old times.

Change the course of history!

Yeah, why don't you

trot over there and,

and tell 'em who won

the 1968 World Series.

Dad! Bet on

the St. Louis Cardinals.

Listen, I'm not gonna

let your attitude problem

ruin this for me, okay?

Attitude problem?

You have a hissy fit

every time you hear

"Jingle Bells,"

and I've got

an attitude problem?

Where are they going?

Jack, it's Christmas Eve.

They just stacked the trees

with gifts for their kid.

That would be you.

And now they're going off

to bed to have nightmares

about all that money they spent

trying to put a smile

on your sweet little face.

You're kidding me, right?

You brought me all the way here

to try to make me

feel guilty about getting

what I wanted for Christmas

when I was a kid?

No, Jack, that is not

why I brought you here.

[sighs]

Do you--

Do you have any idea...

how much better

things used to be?

I do.

I witnessed it

firsthand.

Christmas

used to have meaning.

It was more than just

a time for the family

together at the mall.

People were kind to one another

for no apparent reason.

And even if it was

just for one day,

people really seemed

to care about those

that were less fortunate.

Every year, Jack.

My job becomes

more and more pointless.

People get more

and more cynical.

We used to have to use

the spiritual guilt trip

once every two years

for some poor lost soul.

And now the poor lost souls

are outnumbering

the regular people.

And yes, Jack,

I have an attitude problem.

Oh, Jack!

My attitude stinks!

I'm fighting a war

that I cannot win.

And being a soldier

no longer seems worth it.

Did you forget

to take your meds?

Huh?

Is there somebody

I could call?

Come on, buddy.

Come on, get it together.

Come on, now.

Show me your magic,

and let me go home.

Show me some magic,

brother.

[laughing]

Yes! There we go.

Mwah! Ha ha!

Goodbye!

[laughing]

What'd you do?

I hope you like 1965

'cause I, personally,

I'm very fond of it.

What are you

talking about?

- Look out the window!

- Okay.

[laughing]

What am I looking for?

Aww.

Hmm.

It's show time.

I hope he's not

in his underwear.

Hmm.

Hello?

What the hell

happened here?

[dialing]

[ringing]

Hello, you've reached

the Ghost of Christmas Past.

- I can't come to the--

- [beeps]

Well, this is unusual.

[all arguing]

What do you mean,

he never came back?

I waited at the house

for almost half an hour.

They never showed.

Past is only allotted one hour

to show the target around.

He knows that.

He's done it 2,000 times.

- Oh no.

- What "Oh, no"?

Past's spectral snowflake

has been broken.

Broken? But that means--

He and the target are now

living, breathing humans

in whatever year they're in.

1965?

Oh, this isn't good.

This isn't good at all.

Okay. Well,

we don't have to worry.

Now he can use his

candy cane chronometer,

and he'll come back.

Right?

- Trevor?

- Unless he doesn't want to.

- Why wouldn't he want to?

- Well, you tell me.

You're the one who said

he's been acting over-distant.

If he doesn't get back,

there's gonna be trouble.

- What kind of trouble?

- Big trouble.

Our powers wear off

less than three hours from now.

If the target hasn't been

returned to the present by then,

then he'll be stuck

in the past, forever.

- That is trouble.

- More than you know.

Oh, if the head office

finds out we lost a target,

they'll shut down

the entire program.

Do you know

what that means?

- Yeah, we will be unemployed.

- Worse.

Time is a balance.

If Jack doesn't get back

to his own Christmas

by midnight tonight,

then that balance

will be upset.

Every Christmas he ever had

will cease to exist.

He will cease to exist.

The domino effect

could be catastrophic.

The future could change.

The world could be upended.

The entire universe

as we know it could implode!

There'll be chaos!

Th-There will be hysteria!

Oh, the humanity!

Ow.

We have to stop thinking

about the future

and start thinking

about the present.

We need to know

what's going on in the past.

How?

Send me back.

What?

Yes. Send me back.

No, no, it's too dangerous.

What, more dangerous

than the end of everything?

Maybe I should send Future.

No, nobody knows where he is.

Besides, we don't have

enough time.

It's gotta be me, Trevor.

All right.

It's up to you, then.

The life of Jack Cameron

and the Christmas Eve Program

are at stake.

Not to mention

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