Chasing Christmas Page #4

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the entire universe.

I've always wanted

to see the past.

Oh, one more thing.

I need to see your spectral.

Okay.

What did you do that for?

Past is human now.

So in order to catch him,

you'll have to be human, too.

Good luck, Present.

And if I don't see you again,

Happy Holidays.

[sighs]

What is going on?

Whoa.

It's me.

Why are you tied up?

You can see me?

Who are you?

I don't even know where

to begin to answer that.

Are you Santa Claus?

Huh?

Why are you tied up,

Santa Claus?

- I'm not Santa Claus.

- Are you one of his helpers?

My mom told me the man

at the department store

is one of his helpers.

Are you one of his helpers?

Yeah, I'm one of his helpers.

Why are you tied up?

You should go back to bed.

Did Santa tie you up?

Yeah, Santa tied me up.

Why?

Because I ate some of

his milk and cookies.

I asked Mom if we could leave

some milk and cookies,

and she said Santa

was already too fat.

She used to say

stuff like that a lot.

That's why

I have food issues.

[floorboards creak]

- Who's that?

- Oh, I think I know.

- Untie me.

- I don't know, mister.

I'll make you waffles.

I know you love waffles

with powdered sugar.

Come on, untie me.

Okay, yeah, looking good.

I got this. Okay, son,

go hide, hide, hide, hide.

Go hide, hide.

- Urrgh!

- Aah!

[Young Jack]

Who are you?

Oh.

This isn't good.

Are you Santa Claus?

No.

I'm, uh, the Tooth Fairy.

So why don't you

just go off to bed?

I wanna open my presents.

Yeah, it would

be best if you--

But I wanna open them now!

Go to bed now,

or I will come back tomorrow

and rip out all of your teeth

with a pair of pliers.

Oh, great. Now I'm

emotionally scarred for life.

Which reminds me.

Hey! Stay the heck away

from Old Man Williams!

Hey, just let it go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hold on, strange lady.

- Now, who are you again?

- Oh.

I'm the Ghost

of Christmas Present.

Then, uh, how come

you're in my past?

Well, we've had

a little situation.

But don't you worry

'cause I'm here

to fix things.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, oh, no!

What?

It's broken!

What is?

Our ride home!

That's a candy cane!

It's Christmas Eve.

We'll go get another one.

Jack, this isn't just

any candy cane.

This is a highly sensitive piece

of technologically advanced

time-travel equipment!

Oh!

Wow.

You shouldn't have sat on it.

I didn't sit on it.

Somebody tackled me!

Because I thought

you were the little dude!

Oh, do I look like

the little dude?

No.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

[sighs]

So we're stuck here.

Yes, Jack,

we are stuck here.

I mean, the only way

to get you back

to your own time is...

Past.

So we missed it.

What?

You said our time had passed.

No, not passed. Past.

- Past.

- Right!

So we missed it.

- Just follow me.

- [Jack laughs]

The Ghost of Christmas Past

still has his candy cane

chronometer.

We need to find him.

And we need wheels.

Don't do that, please.

See, it's 1965,

and nobody locks their cars.

- Really.

- Mm-hmm.

All right, I will just

hot-wire this--

No, no, no, no.

In 1965, everybody

put their keys right here.

- Really.

- Yeah.

No seatbelts

'cause it's, uh...

- 1965?

- Yeah!

- Get in.

- All right.

Well, Santa Claus

My name is Sam

American boy

That's who I am

And I'm writing a list

Trying to make a plan

Well, Santa Claus

It's Christmastime

And all year long...

[Jack]

Okay, so basically

what you're telling me is,

if we don't find

this guy by midnight,

I am stuck here forever.

- Yeah, pretty much, yeah.

- Yeah.

Don't you guys have

like a contingency plan

or escape route that we

could be taking right now?

Yes, and I'm it.

Okay, now, think, Jack.

What exactly happened?

What exactly

did he say?

Well, we were in

my parents' living room,

and he started weeping.

He started weeping and

getting weird and maudlin

and self-pitying.

Reminded me of

my crazy Aunt Shirley

when she got drunk.

Then all of a sudden,

he pulls out this

giant snowflake thing,

and he smashes it

on the fireplace.

So he did this

on purpose.

He did that on purpose,

for sure.

But why?

- Wha-- You tell me!

- Where could he have gone?

What do you mean?

You know everything, right?

No, I know everything

about the present.

- Right, and this is the past.

- Yes!

I get it.

I'm getting this thing.

- Slowly.

- Yes.

What is the first thing

that Past would do

as a human?

Probably

something strange.

[gasps]

Where's the closest place

we can go to buy cigarettes?

Well, it's Christmas Eve,

so everything is closed.

Except...

- He's here.

- Yeah.

- I can feel it.

- I can feel it, too.

Oh!

Look at these toys!

- Oh, that's cool.

- They're so simple,

yet the children seem to

love them, don't you, honey?

Because they have to use

their imaginations.

It's fun, right?

- It's fun!

- [toot]

I'm sorry. It's fun.

See how funny that is?

Look at this!

What, they're advertising

guns to children?

Oh, no! They're BB guns.

They're only BB guns.

These fire

real metal pellets?

Real, little, tiny,

tiny metal pellets.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

You just put this thing down.

You could put

somebody's eye out

with one of these things.

Step away from the guns!

Where's the manager?

I demand to speak

with the manager!

Cigarettes are on

the third floor.

I just remembered.

Let's go, let's go!

Here, son.

[Present]

Santa, keep the kids

away from the guns!

[Jack]

Yeah, Santa!

Now, these are,

in my opinion,

the closest to Cuban

you'll find.

Word has it,

President Kennedy himself

sent a box to Castro

just to show him

how we do things here

in the U.S. of A.

- Excuse me.

- One moment, little lady.

- Excuse me.

- I said one moment.

I suggest you put the reins

on your wife, pal.

Okay, I got a couple

of questions for you.

Now, I have a friend.

How tall is he?

He's about like that.

Yeah, with a green vest

and a red tie.

What's his name?

Christmas Past.

Chris Maspast.

Chris, first name--

Yeah, he walked off

about three minutes ago.

Yeah, where'd he go?

He asked me where

the hat department was,

and I told him it was

on the second floor.

Thank you so much.

You're... welcome.

[Man on P.A.]

Good evening, shoppers.

Two hours until closing.

Two hours until closing.

Merry Christmas.

Hey! Past!

There goes

jolly old St. Nick

He's gonna

make his rounds again

[continues]

Sorry!

Santa! This is the real one!

- [horn honks]

- Watch where you're going!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Go!

[driver]

What is this, a parade?

Stop! Stop!

[Jack]

Stop! We'll get him.

[panting]

Come on, come on.

Keep running.

Oh, wonderful!

Past, what are you doing?

Have you lost your mind?

Why couldn't you

just leave me be?

Just give us

the candy cane chronometer.

We'll go back to the office

and sort this out.

You know, I was really

looking forward to the '60s.

It was a great decade.

You know,

you leave me no choice.

- No, no, no, don't!

- Don't you do that!

- I'm gonna do it, yeah.

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