Chasing Christmas Page #6

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even if just

for a little while.

You cannot blame me

for that!

No, listen,

I'm gonna tackle him,

take his magic cane,

and we're going back!

No, it doesn't work

that way!

The chronometer

is set to our

individual rhythms.

It's true.

Either we all go back,

or nobody goes back.

That's right, so you

might want to listen

to my little proposal.

Now, according

to the clock

at the Bureau

of Yuletide Affairs,

we have one hour

and fifteen minutes.

That's plenty of time.

I'll make you a deal.

Give me 60 minutes

to enjoy myself.

Drink my drink,

smoke

a few cigarettes,

maybe dance a little,

and then I'll meet you

back here at midnight.

- And if we don't?

- Well, if you don't,

then I'll

pop us through time

like a pinball machine

until it's too late

for anybody.

Now, do we have a deal?

Okay, we have a deal.

Well, good.

Then I will see

you kids later.

Have a good time.

I know I will.

Well, I think

I handled that well.

Yeah, yeah,

especially the end,

where you let him

walk away from us.

Good.

I didn't have a choice.

So... what are we

gonna do till midnight?

[coughing]

Good stuff.

This is disgusting.

Yeah, yep.

And it turns out

in the future

we find that they're

actually bad for you, too.

What about this?

Oh, that's fine,

drink up.

So you can't

remember anything?

Well, I mean,

I can remember basic skills

and functions and whatnot.

You know, I remember

how to tie my shoes,

and use a computer, and...

I am surprisingly good

at kung fu. It's just...

I don't really have a sense

of life in the past.

Why did they

do that to you?

I don't know.

I guess the head office

didn't want

any one of the Ghosts

having too much power.

You know, so we can all

only remember the past,

the present,

or the future.

Well, the past

is overrated, believe me.

But you know

the present, right?

Pretty much, I mean,

the present being today.

- Mm-hmm.

You know everything?

- Yes.

I can ask you anything,

and you could answer.

- Sure.

- Where's Madonna?

In her bathroom.

Where's

my wedding ring?

In the bottom

of your sock drawer.

Where's my daughter?

She's making out

with Chip Wattingham

in the front seat

of his car.

I'm kidding.

[chuckles]

She's in the back seat.

You're pretty funny

for a dead chick.

Yeah? You're pretty handsome.

What?

What?

What'd you say?

You know,

I think it's getting

kind of busy in here.

We probably should get going.

- Really?

- Uh-huh.

Because of the giant

talking apes?

Yes, and we don't want you

bumping into yourself.

If I bump into myself,

that could change

everything and--

- Exactly.

- What was it you said

a minute ago?

- I think we should go.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- All right.

Hey, thanks a lot!

Merry Christmas!

Hey, hey, man!

What the hell is this?

[Jack]

All right, okay.

[Present]

We need a place to hide

until Past comes back.

We'll find a place. Oh!

This looks good.

How about here?

- What?

- Come on in here.

Hey, buddy!

You were headed for 2...

- 215?

- Exactly.

I'm not there anymore.

I'm down here, so hold this.

Hold this.

Thank you. Make sure

nobody bothers us, okay?

- Yeah.

- Enjoy, enjoy.

What are we doing in here?

Well, you said to find

a good place to hide,

and I'd say this is

a great place to hide.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, I don't think so.

Listen,

we still have time.

Why should Past

have all the fun?

Are you okay...

Present?

Yes. This is great.

This was a great idea.

Thanks.

You know, I can kind

of understand why Past

wanted to be human again.

Is he gonna be in trouble

when we go back?

Oh, yeah.

Are you gonna be

in trouble?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm not gonna

allow that to happen.

I'm gonna tell 'em

that you did everything

humanly possible

to get his little butt

back there,

and you'll be okay,

trust me.

You're an interesting guy,

Jack.

Thanks.

You are--

What's the word?

Perfect.

So, um, what happened

with your wife?

She tricked me.

I thought we had

a happy marriage...

for almost 20 years.

And then one day, bam.

You had no idea?

No warning sign?

No.

I mean, we had

the usual disagreements.

I worked too much.

I didn't spend

enough time with her.

She'd get really upset.

But then a few days later,

suddenly she'd get over it.

Now I know what she was

getting to get over it.

And the worst part

is the way she did it.

During my daughter's

Christmas recital.

She got up,

walked out the door,

hopped on that dentist,

and took off

out of our lives.

He wasn't

even a good dentist.

I mean, if he had

been an astronaut,

I'd understand,

but...

it's not right.

How did your daughter

handle it?

Well, obviously

better than me.

She's a strong kid.

I guess the thing...

that hurts me is

that I wasted

so many years of my life

on somebody that

obviously did not love me.

That's not what it said

in the report.

What report?

The one on you.

According to our records,

you had a better than average

marriage.

And it produced a daughter

that you love very much.

So you must've enjoyed those

18 years at least a little bit

while it was happening.

There were moments.

Maybe she was doing the best

that she could do at the time.

So why not

let the good memories

outshine the bad memories?

You don't have

memories, do ya?

No, and that's what I mean.

Don't blow it, Jack.

You know, I thought that

what we did was magic,

but this-- oh, my gosh--

this is the magic.

I mean, you still

have a chance.

Some of us don't.

Are you unhappy?

At this moment in time,

I am very happy.

That makes me

very happy, too.

To hot tubs

and time travel.

Whoa.

What?

I'm having a weird feeling.

Describe it.

I don't know.

I think I have to

go to the bathroom.

- You think?

- Well, I don't know, Jack.

I haven't been a human

in a long time.

You could've fooled me

'cause you're

really good at it.

Hold that thought.

I will.

Baby, baby, baby, hey

Ooh, yeah, hey

[disco]

It's 11:
30.

He said he'd be here

by midnight.

Yeah.

Jack?

Okay!

Come on!

[slow tempo]

Jack.

Yeah?

I'm having

the weirdest feeling.

You have to tinkle again?

No.

Just... I feel, um...

I don't remember feeling

anything like this.

It's about you.

Just... I wish

we had more time.

Well... there's no time

like the present.

I thought she

was taking a nap.

I'll be right back.

- Hey. How ya doin'?

- Hi.

Name's Vincent.

Alison.

Now, see, that's

a beautiful name.

A beautiful name

for a beautiful girl.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

So, um...

Are you here

at the lodge alone?

Yeah, sure am.

Hey, do you have a room?

Sure do.

- Really?

- Yeah, yeah, 433.

Why don't I go freshen up,

and I'll meet you there

in 10 minutes.

Yeah!

[chuckles]

Um, pardon me.

[scoffs]

On our honeymoon.

Nobody hits on

my future ex-wife!

Hey! Hey!

Come on, you guys!

You know, I'm a personal

friend of John Travolta.

Oh!

Hey, hey, Curtis.

Curtis!

Hey, it's Joey, man,

your roommate Joey.

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