Chastity Bites Page #8

but check it. My mom's, like, best friends

whack, but check it. My mom's, like,

best friends with liz now, and apparently she

my mom's, like, best friends with liz now,

and apparently she is hooked up.

With liz now, and apparently she is hooked up.

Who her baby daddy?

Is hooked up. Who her baby daddy?

Not knocked up, dumb sh*t.

Who her baby daddy? Not knocked up,

dumb sh*t. She's, like, connected.

Not knocked up, dumb sh*t.

She's, like, connected. Like, if we play along with

she's, like, connected. Like, if we play along with this,

we could be starring in

like, if we play along with this,

we could be starring in our own reality show about

this, we could be starring in our own

reality show about v.A.G. For mtv.

Our own reality show about v.A.G. For mtv.

[Squeals]

V.A.G. For mtv.

[Squeals] For reals?

[Squeals] For reals?

Like our very own

for reals?

Like our very own "jersey shore"!

Like our very own "jersey shore"!

Oh, my god. Okay.

"Jersey shore"! Oh, my god.

Okay. So, ashley's totally

oh, my god. Okay.

So, ashley's totally sammi "sweetheart," you're

so, ashley's totally sammi "sweetheart,"

you're jwoww, you're snooki, and I'm

sammi "sweetheart," you're jwoww,

you're snooki, and I'm the blast, yo.

Jwoww, you're snooki, and I'm the blast,

yo. Why the f*** am I snooki?

The blast, yo. Why the f*** am I snooki?

Listening ears, b*tches.

Why the f*** am I snooki? Listening ears, b*tches.

Y'all need to make sure your

listening ears, b*tches.

Y'all need to make sure your look is on point.

Y'all need to make sure your look is on point.

Think "slow down baby"

look is on point. Think "slow down baby" christina,

not "dirrty" xtina.

Think "slow down baby" christina,

not "dirrty" xtina. As for the rest, just follow my

christina, not "dirrty" xtina. As for the rest,

just follow my lead, as usual.

As for the rest, just follow my lead,

as usual. They want sweet, little virgins?

Lead, as usual. They want sweet,

little virgins? Then that's how we roll.

They want sweet, little virgins?

Then that's how we roll. Now, just keep your mouth and

then that's how we roll. Now, just keep your

mouth and legs shut until we're on the red

now, just keep your mouth and legs shut until

we're on the red carpet drinking that buzz.

Legs shut until we're on the red

carpet drinking that buzz. Yeah!

Carpet drinking that buzz.

Yeah! Genius, ash.

Yeah! Genius, ash.

I totally never doubted you.

Genius, ash. I totally never doubted you.

What do you want?

I totally never doubted you.

What do you want? A f***ing alma award?

What do you want?

A f***ing alma award? [Scoffs] Let's go.

What you doing here, girlie? Uh... Nothing.

Just looking for my long-form

uh... Nothing.

Just looking for my long-form birth certificate.

Just looking for my long-form birth certificate.

You seen it?

Birth certificate. You seen it?

Right. Got to go.

[Thunder rumbles] And, no,

I didn't forget you. Oh, yes. Yes.

And, no, I didn't forget you.

Oh, yes. Yes. [Cats meowing]

Oh, yes. Yes. [Cats meowing] Oh,

you're so beautiful.

[Cats meowing] Oh, you're so beautiful.

Now, now, mrs. Danvers, you stop

oh, you're so beautiful. Now, now, mrs.

Danvers, you stop terrorizing mrs. De winter.

Now, now, mrs. Danvers, you stop terrorizing mrs.

De winter. Honestly, can't we all just get

terrorizing mrs. De winter.

Honestly, can't we all just get along?

Honestly, can't we all just get along?

[Chuckles]

Along?

[Chuckles] Oh!

[Chuckles] Oh!

Mwah, mwah!

Oh! Mwah, mwah!

[Doorbell rings]

Mwah, mwah!

[Doorbell rings] What --

[doorbell rings] What -- [Thunder rumbling]

Oh. Hello.

I didn't expect to see you tonight.

I didn't expect to see you tonight.

I'm so embarrassed.

Tonight. I'm so embarrassed.

I would have tidied up a bit had

I'm so embarrassed.

I would have tidied up a bit had I known.

I would have tidied up a bit had I known.

Girls, behave yourselves.

I known. Girls, behave yourselves.

Don't mind them.

Girls, behave yourselves.

Don't mind them. [Chuckles]

Don't mind them.

[Chuckles] Just, um, make yourself

[chuckles] Just, um,

make yourself comfortable.

Just, um, make yourself comfortable.

Would you like something to

comfortable.

Would you like something to drink?

Would you like something to drink?

Coffee? Tea? Me?

Drink? Coffee?

Tea? Me? [Laughs]

Coffee? Tea? Me?

[Laughs] All right, then.

[Laughs] All right, then.

Down to business.

All right, then.

Down to business. [Sighs]

Down to business.

[Sighs] There's this paperwork from the

[sighs] There's this paperwork from the school board.

There's this paperwork from the school board.

Um...

I knew... Somehow...

From the minute I saw you, I

somehow... From the minute I saw you,

I knew there was something between

from the minute I saw you,

I knew there was something between us.

Knew there was something between us.

This is what I've been hoping

us. This is what I've been hoping

and waiting for all these years.

This is what I've been hoping and

waiting for all these years. Take me.

And waiting for all these years.

Take me. [Moaning] Take me.

Take me.

[Moaning] Take me. Oh!

[Moaning] Take me. Oh!

Oh, what are you doing?

Oh! Oh, what are you doing?

[Chuckles]

Oh, what are you doing?

[Chuckles] No! Oh!

[Chuckles] No!

Oh! No! Oh! God!

No! Oh! No! Oh!

God! [Screams]

No! Oh! God!

[Screams] [Cat screeches]

[Screams] [Cat screeches] [Cat meows]

[Cat screeches] [Cat meows] [Choking]

[Thunder crashes] At least

stripper chic seems to be over.

At least stripper chic seems to be over.

Goodbye, hiltons. Hello, palins?

To be over. Goodbye, hiltons. Hello, palins?

Told you that club was part of

goodbye, hiltons. Hello, palins? Told you that

club was part of some jesus-freak conspiracy.

Told you that club was part of some

jesus-freak conspiracy. Heads up, comrade.

Some jesus-freak conspiracy.

Heads up, comrade. Sorry about that!

Heads up, comrade.

Sorry about that! [Chuckles]

Sorry about that!

[Chuckles] Yeah.

[Chuckles] Yeah.

Nice t-shirt.

Yeah. Nice t-shirt.

Oh, uh, thanks.

Nice t-shirt. Oh, uh, thanks.

You know, it's really funny.

Oh, uh, thanks. You know,

it's really funny. Leah is really into

you know, it's really funny.

Leah is really into revolutionary politics, too.

Leah is really into revolutionary politics, too.

Wow. Cool.

Revolutionary politics, too.

Wow. Cool. Mm-hmm.

Wow. Cool. Mm-hmm.

You know, I bet you two would

mm-hmm. You know,

I bet you two would have a lot to talk about.

You know, I bet you two would have a lot to talk about.

Yeah, unfortunately, I'm more

have a lot to talk about. Yeah, unfortunately,

I'm more of a simone de beauvoir girl

yeah, unfortunately,

I'm more of a simone de beauvoir girl myself, so...

Of a simone de beauvoir girl myself,

so... "The word love has by no

myself, so... "The word love has by

no means the same sense for both

"the word love has by no means the same

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