Cheaper by the Dozen Page #8

My favorite place in the world.

Your favorite place in the world.

You said we'd be happier.

You didn't keep your promise.

I know. I'm sorry.

Mom.!

Oh, honey! Oh!

Oh, we missed you, sweetheart.

Do that again, I'm going

to have to pound you.

- But I thought I was FedEx.

- Your eccentricities and vision problems...

are genetic traits that could be attributed

to any number of the Baker ancestors.

Yeah. Without you, we wouldn't

be the 12 Bakers anymore.

We'd be, like, 11.

I figured everybody hated me like Sarah

and Lorraine hate each other.

There are times when

I want to kill Sarah...

but I'd kill for her

all the time.

Come here, cutie.

Tom? You wanna say

something? A few words?

Sure.

Beans was a good frog.

He was, uh, not like

a lot of the bad frogs...

you hear about today,

all hopped up.

He was lovable. He was almost human.

He was like, uh,

one of the family.

Except that, of course,

he was green and he ate flies.

But he was a hopper.

He hipped and he hopped.

He loved hip-hop.

Mark, why don't you- I think

you should say something.

For a long time, you were

the only person I could talk to.

That's different now.

But you're the one

who got me through.

Thanks.

I'm resigning after

the season, Shake.

Giving up the dream, huh?

Just going

with a different one.

No regrets?

If I screw up

raising my kids...

nothing I achieve

will matter much.

Thank you.

We'll make an announcement

at the end of the week.

Come on. Keep the assembly line

up here. We gotta get this done.

- Where's Dad?

- He went to the game.

Why didn't he

ask us to go?

Because... he didn't want you to be there

on the day that he quits his job.

- He's quitting his job?

- Mm-hmm.

- What would we have to do so he wouldn't quit?

- I'll give up clarinet lessons.

I'll go back to hand-me-downs.

Okay, ease up.

Everybody listen.

Dad's a big boy, and

he makes his own decisions...

and he's doing this

because it's what he wants.

In that case, I totally take back

what I said about the hand-me-downs.

I thought so. Anybody else

wanna take back their offer?

Yeah, there we go.

I guess you could say

that when Tom and I left Midland...

we had a mess of theories

about how to raise children.

We still have a mess

of children, but no theories.

Sure, 12 is still our number.

It's the number of months

my book was on the best-seller list.

It's the number ofjob offers Tom turned

down before we found one close to home.

Hike!

And each day, it's the number of times

I'm thankful there's such a thing as family.

What happened to you?

Oh, my God!

Save the eggs!

Yeah, you got room for all your big

old family in that new apartment?

- You're on camera, Steve.

- Sorry. I am.

You idiot.

Yeah, you got room in your

new apartment for that-

Battle ax

of a wife of mine?

You got-

Act angry, not grumpy.

- I really am grumpy.

- Well, that's good.

Two times?

- Two times. Ready?

- Then going outside?

Yeah. Actually, we're

almost done, so let's do it.

On your mark, get set, go.!

I don't wanna move!

I don't wanna move!

Cut. Goodjob. Okay?

I listened-

I listened the "goodest. "

I don't wanna do it anymore.

- One more time.

- Last one and you're outta here.

Cut! Cut! Cut!

Somebody help me!

Help me!

- Whoa!

- Just for the record, Mom-

Be careful, pally.

Slow down on that stuff.

You're not gonna remember a damn thing

in school if you suck 'em back like I do.

Now, on the end around

the guard pulls.

That means you, Buttler.

Whoa.

Cut.!

- Action.!

- Frankly, I'm concerned.

I go around those kids,

they start beatin' on me.

What if I get a black eye?

Frankly, I'm concerned, honey.

The kids set me on fire, they beat me.

They're abusive.

This is how I get jobs,

right here!

I'm sorry. I looked

at myself in the camera.

I'm so- good-looking.

They set me on fire!

- Sounds good to me.

- All the kids wrapped in duct tape.

Maybe we can just roll,

roll ourselves in duct tape...

and then I can just

roll you across the floor.

Together, maybe.

Ow!

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