Cheaper by the Dozen Page #3

- You have?

- Meanwhile, as to their grades...

I see no reason why children who are

well-developed mentally should be held back...

by a school system geared to those

of simply normal intelligence.

No. Of course not. But so much depends

on their ages. Now, if you'll just...

You mean mental ages,

of course.

- Bill, how old are you, son?

- Eight.

What grade does an eight-year-old

usually belong in?

- The third.

- Then I think he'd better go in the fifth.

Oh-ho, but that's impossible, Mr. Gilbreth.

Perhaps later on, if he takes tests...

By all means. I hope they'll all take

a lot of tests. It's good for them.

Meanwhile to, uh,

to illustrate my point... Frank...

what's 46 times 83?

Three thousand,

eight hundred and eighteen.

Lillian, 19 times 91.

One thousand,

seven hundred and twenty-nine.

Bill, 52 times 52.

Two thousand,

seven hundred and four.

Now, would you care to suggest

a few large numbers?

Well, I... think I'll take your

word for it, Mr. Gilbreth...

and I'll see what I can do.

It would really

expedite matters...

if you'd have the teacher of the fifth grade

step in here for a moment.

Also, while we're about it...

the teachers of the third,

fourth, sixth and seventh.

Ask Miss Billsop, Miss Jensen,

Miss Moore, Mrs. Hallbright...

and Miss Sweeney

to step in here for a moment.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Thank you, madam.

And now, while we're waiting...

perhaps it might interest you to hear

something of the home training program...

their mother and I have

worked out for the children:

Spelling games, geography quizzes,

language study...

We're learning French and German

from a Victrola.

Dad's even taught us how to take a whole bath

in the time it takes to play just one record.

- Really?

A simple matter of coordination, madam.

Like any other physical effort,

scientific bathing is...

- Yes, but how do you do it?

- Well, this seems hardly the time and place.

I doubt if you'd be interested.

Oh, but I am.

It sounds perfectly fascinating.

- Yeah. Go on. Show her, Dad.

- Yeah. Show her.

- Here.

- Well, if you insist, son.

This is really very simple.

First, you take the soap in your right hand,

apply it to the left shoulder...

run it down the top of the left arm,

up the inside of the left arm to the armpit...

then the ears... both of them, of course...

not forgetting the back of the neck...

then down the outside of the left leg,

back up the inside of the left leg...

then down the right leg,

and up.

Then at the hip,

change the soap to the left hand...

and do the same thing

on the right arm and shoulder.

After a couple of circular motions

on the midsection and back...

and some special attention

to the feet...

slide under for a rinse,

and you rise bathed.

Oh, come in, ladies. Mr. Gilbreth

is just showing me how to take a bath.

- A what?

- Good morning, ladies.

Good morning.

In our family, sickness was taboo.

Dr. Burtors car in front of our house

could mean only one thing.

- Dad!

- Yes?

- Where's the baby? Where is it?

- In her room taking her nap, of course. Why?

- We mean the latest model.

- Is it a boy or a girl?

Is what a boy or a girl?

Aw, come on, Daddy. You can't fool us.

What are we gonna name this one?

Lillie, what's got into these children?

What are they talking about?

- I can't imagine, dear.

- We wanna see the new baby.

Whatever gave you the idea

there was a new baby?

- That's Dr. Burtors

automobile outside, isn't it?

- Yes.

- And you were sick last night, werert ya?

- I had a slight headache.

And every time you're sick

there's always a baby, isn't there?

Oh, my goodness. Babies don't come just

because you're sick. I thought you knew that.

They've always come before

when you were sick.

Oh, dear.

It's up to you, Lillie. You're the psychologist.

I have some very important work to do.

I'll be in my study.

You understand, don't you?

Yes, I certainly do.

Well, first, about Dr. Burton.

He's here because he's afraid Jack has

a whooping cough, which means you children...

will have to stay

away from him.

As to babies, well,

I think it's about time we had a little talk.

Oh, no, Bill.

Don't tell me you're getting it too?

- Who's that coughing?

- Me, Dad.

Well, stop it.

I'm not gonna have an epidemic in this house.

We haven't time

for any such nonsense.

You children have been given good health,

and by jingo, it's your job to keep it.

- I don't want any excuses. You hear me?

- Yes, sir.

- All right.

- I think I better get him up to the doctor.

Yes, Lillie.

Where did that whatever-it-is come from?

- He's a beaut, isn't he, Dad?

- A beaut?

Look here, you mangy mongrel...

Go on. Get out.

Don't argue. Out! Out!

Martha, keep

that cover on.

Remember what the doctor said.

- He wants you to keep warm.

- Yes, Mother.

Here, darling.

Put this jacket around your shoulders.

Oh, thank you, Mother.

I'm going down to the kitchen

now to get your dessert...

and I'll read to you,

if you like.

- Oh, hello, Dad.

- May I come in?

- Of course, dear.

- I won't disturb anything.

It's all right.

The children have missed you.

- Oh, Frank. Not you too?

- Yes, yes. Looks like I belong up here too, Lillie.

Oh, dear.

Daddy's got the whooping cough.

- Daddy's got the whooping cough.

- You children get back in bed. Go on.

- Dr. Burton...

- Yes?

- Will you come in here a minute, please?

- Right away.

Frank, sit down, dear.

- Do you ache anywhere?

- I'll be all right, Lillie.

- In heavers name, what's the trouble now?

- It's Mr. Gilbreth.

He's coughing too.

Oh, me. How did I ever get mixed up

with this family anyhow?

Let me hear you cough.

There's nothir the matter with me.

- I was only joking.

- You were what?

Well, it just wasrt any fun

downstairs by myself, Lillie.

- I wanted to be up here

with the rest of the family.

- Very funny. Very funny.

Frank Gilbreth, I give up. Sometimes I think

you're more trouble than the children.

I'm sorry, Lillie. But all that quiet

down there makes me nervous.

Oh, really.

Tell me, Doc, how are

my Mongolians coming along?

- They'll live.

- In spite of you, you old veterinarian.

Well, I'll say one thing for you, Gilbreth.

Your children don't get sick very often...

but when they do,

they certainly mess up...

the public health statistics

of the state of New Jersey.

- How's that, Mr. Bones?

- Ordinarily, I only have a couple of cases

of whooping cough...

or measles a week, but when I have to report

11 cases in a single day, they're liable...

to quarantine the whole town of Montclair

and close every school in Essex county.

Well, at least these

are only light cases.

Pioneer stock, you know.

As far as New Jersey's concerned,

whooping cough's whooping cough.

By the way, these kids have got tonsils...

really ugly ones.

- As soon as they're over this,

they ought to come out.

- I've never had mine out.

- Maybe you should. Let's look.

- No, you don't.

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