Cheaper by the Dozen Page #4

There's nothing the matter with them.

- Oh, stop wasting my time and sit down.

- What's the point of all this?

Open your mouth.

Open your mouth.

- Say "ah."

- Ah-h-h-h.

Just as I thought.

Yours should have been out years ago.

- You're crazy.

I've never been sick a day in my life.

- Let them stay in if you want to.

You're not hurting

anyone but yourself.

But these children's tonsils

have got to come out, all but one... Martha's.

- Hers are as sound as a dollar.

- Hooray for me.

- Well, good night, girls. I'll see you tomorrow.

- Good night, Doctor.

Say, Doc, I was just thinking.

If we have to have their tonsils out,

could we do it here in the house?

- Why here?

What's the matter with a hospital?

- Well, it struck me...

if we could rig up

an operating room downstairs,

I could photograph the operations...

and study what you doctors

are doing wrong.

Then I'd be able

to show how you could eliminate

a lot of waste motions and speed things up.

Now, wait a minute. That system of yours

may be all right in factories...

And in medicine too.

Ho-ho, I've been looking for a chance like this.

- Now, not so fast. Nobody's going to...

- Oh, you're leaving, Doctor?

- Lillie, we're gonna have

the children's tonsils out.

- Oh, Frank, do we have to?

That's what this fella here says.

But it's all right. I'm gonna take movies.

- Of the operations?

- Certainly, of the operations.

Why, there's no telling how many lives

this sort of study will help save.

But doesn't it seem rather heartless,

using the children as guinea pigs?

Not at all. They'll be asleep

and won't know what's going on.

Besides, if it'll make you feel any better,

I'll let this old butcher here yank mine out too.

Yours? Well, why didn't you say so?

Now we're getting somewhere.

- Oh, Frank...

- No, don't stop him.

Let him go ahead and cut his own throat.

That's one part of the festivities

I might even enjoy.

Will you stop drooling?

By jingo, this may make you famous,

you ol' quack.

All right, May,

you can ease up a little now.

- All right. Start...

Start cranking.

Can you see it all?

Is the clock in?

Yeah, it's in.

Everything's in.

Mr. Gilbreth,

my stomach's beginning to...

I'm not interested in your internal organs.

Just keep cranking.

Dad had said, "Think of all the fun we'll have...

looking at the movies

and seeing ourselves asleep. "

But I'm afraid, to those waiting,

it was not a very consoling thought.

As much as they loved movies,

I have a feeling that that's one epic...

they'd have been

delighted to pass up.

I hear you poor kids couldn't

have any breakfast this morning.

Aw, everybody knows you can't eat

before you get operated on.

I had doughnuts for breakfast with sugar...

mmm, delicious...

and a big piece of apple pie

that was left over from last night.

You beast.

You get out of here.

Mrs. Monahan was just as sweet

as she could be.

"Why don't you have

another one, Martha?"

"Thanks, Mrs. Monahan,

I believe I will."

"Why don't you take two to three, dear?

They're so tasty."

"I really shouldn't,

Mrs. Monahan.

"But maybe while those poor kids

are waiting tonight...

I'll dedicate one

to each of them."

Mother, will you make Martha stop talking...

about what a delicious

breakfast she had?

All she's done

since she's been in here is gloat.

- Not another word about food, Martha.

Do you understand?

- I'm sorry, Mother.

I won't even mention doughnuts

and apple pie again.

- Martha!

- Nothing to it.

Anne slept through it just like a baby.

And I know we got some great movies.

Come on, Ernestine, girl. You're next.

- Don't be afraid, dear.

It'll be over in a few minutes.

- I'm not afraid, Mother, much.

A Gilbreth, afraid? Don't be ridiculous.

After all, she's her father's daughter.

What in the world is there to be afraid of?

Never heard such nonsense.

- This'll all be over in a jiffy. Go on, dear.

- Go ahead, dear.

- That's a good girl.

- I'll go up with Anne.

Everything's under control.

Let's take off the robe

and hop right up here on the table.

- Is it going to hurt?

- At your age, you won't even feel it.

That's what

I told her, Doctor.

All right, May.

Just relax, dear. I'll be

right here with you.

How about changing the lens

for this one?

I want to see exactly how his caddy

hands him those knives.

But ain't it kinda hot in here?

Couldn't we open a widow or somethir?

- Do you want this child to get pneumonia?

- But this ether...

- Never mind the ether.

Just take care of that camera.

- Ready, Doctor.

Good heavens, man, I told you

I didn't want Martha.

- You haven't got Martha. That's Ernestine.

- You sure?

- Of course I'm sure, you jackass.

- You must be mistaken.

Here. Look carefully.

There now. Isn't that Martha?

Don't you suppose I know my own children?

I tell you, that's Ernestine.

- Well, if this isn't Martha,

we've made a horrible mistake.

- We? What do you mean, we?

- What kind of a mistake?

- I know them by their tonsils.

I thought these were Martha's.

They're the only ones

that didn't have to come out.

- You mean you knocked my little girl

unconscious for no reason?

- I'm sorry, but that's about it.

I'll admit it was careless,

but you do have an uncommon lot of them...

- and they all look alike to me.

- But what do we do now?

Take them out anyhow.

They may have to come out eventually.

The worst part of an operation

is dreading it beforehand.

- Go get Martha ready.

- But she's been eating all morning.

Never mind. Go get her.

I'm not going through another day like this.

- Start grinding.

At least we'll salvage something.

Poor Martha.

It was a blow, but in she went

full of pie, doughnuts and indignation.

Frank.

- What is all this about Martha?

- This fool, Burton...

he got her mixed up with Ernestine.

- It's all his fault.

- I don't care whose fault it is.

I think it's a shame...

after letting that poor child

eat all those doughnuts for breakfast...

only to be snatched up

and brought in to be butchered.

Now, there's nothing to worry about, Lillie.

It's no worse than a mosquito bite.

Besides, it's almost over. You better wait

in the other room. Go on, dear.

There we are.

Keep grinding.

Frank, I think this whole thing...

But you're making a mountain

out of a molehill.

All it takes is the tiniest little cut

at the back of the throat.

Just to show you it's nothing,

I'll go next.

- I thought you wanted to watch your pictures.

- Oh, I'll watch, all right.

I'm only gonna take a local anesthetic.

Ho-ho, I won't miss a thing.

- But does Dr. Burton think

a local anesthetic is wise?

- That's just a lot of nonsense...

about my physical condition.

These doctors don't know

what they're talking about half the time.

I'll be in the amen corner

when they're laying him away.

Besides, I wanna get this over with

before lunch. I'm starved.

Gee, Dad, you act like

you're lookir forward to it.

Why, sure, son. There's nothing to it.

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