Cheerful Weather for the Wedding Page #3

- She's awfully tired.

- Certainly.

That academic friend of hers...

- Joseph?

- Yes, him.

L think he may try to be

troublesome.

- Unfinished business, you mean?

- Well, l don't know about that.

Aren't they old enough

to look after themselves, Hettie?

Yes, of course, Nancy dear, but it

would make me feel better all the same

if you could, just...

Yes, of course. l'll see what l can do.

You and David are

such a lovely example to Dolly.

- And we're both so very fond of you.

- That's true.

Come along. We'll get your coat.

Who is that girl?

"Fond"?

They say you can meet your future spouse

at a wedding,

but that seems incredibly unlikely

unless l marry a half-wit or a relative.

Or both.

Do you think there'll be any men in uniform

at the reception?

Look, Kitty, isn't Dolly dressed yet?

Lf l were getting married,

l'd have been ready at dawn.

Lf you were getting married,

it would be more like pistols at dawn.

L suppose

that very narrow-minded people think

that Dolly is the romantic sister,

and l'm the lumpy, sensible one.

Nobody thinks you're sensible.

Dolly is absolutely efficient

when it comes down to it.

Lmpetuous, l'll grant you,

but underneath it all,

she's 1 00% hard-boiled.

Look, can't you get her to come down?

L need to...

l'd like to wish her luck

whilst she's still an unmarried woman.

Maybe it's Mum.

She does make

living in this house unbearable.

Look what she did

with Millman and luncheon.

Sometimes l wonder if it's all an act.

What could be a better disguise

than a fussy old widow?

She is a curious person, really.

Mum, l mean.

Aren't you feeling well, Joseph?

Dear.

L had counted on you as being the one

bright spot at this awful gathering.

Whitstable?

Ls that my tortoise come back again?

Yes, miss.

L've seen him snuggling up

against the glass-house stove pipe.

He must think it's spring.

Could you take her to the kitchen

and get the girls to pack her up for me?

They can use a biscuit tin or something.

L've just the thing for that, miss.

He'll be just fine.

She'll be just fine, you mean?

He's a she, Whitstable.

- ls he really, miss?

- Yes, of course she is.

L'm going to take her to South America.

Lt's not so cold and windy down there.

My goodness.

He's lovely.

- Actually, he's a she.

- No.

She's lovely then.

A bit masculine, but lovely.

- Where did you get her?

- At a market in Cairo.

- Have you been to Cairo?

- L have.

But she's from a pet shop in Ealing.

What shall we call her?

L don't know.

How about

- Daphne?

- Daphne?

That's a name for a girl

who is fair of face and fleet of foot.

- This little one looks more like a Brunhilda.

- Brunhilda?

You know, sometimes, Dolly,

you should call things as they really are.

Dolly!

Come on.

- Did they find the ring?

- Evelyn saved the day.

Joseph spotted it first.

Anyway, good luck, old girl.

Not that l need it.

You certainly do not need it.

How very, very awful of you, Dolly.

You are ruining all the romance for me.

A bride sitting upstairs

in her bedroom swigging rum!

Out of a bottle.

And in only a few minutes,

you'll be in church!

- How could you?

- Well, you still have a lot to learn, my child.

And why have you got my glass brooch?

L've sent the whole household

looking for this.

Dear.

L'm sorry to say it, Doll,

but in some ways, it will be a good thing

when you're no longer here.

Well, that's a nice thing

to say to your sister

on the eve of her departure

for the other side of the world.

Doll, l know you are marvellously clever,

and interesting and witty.

But l do think the way you look

at certain things is absolutely beastly!

You know what l mean.

Joseph was doing it earlier.

He's downstairs saying

such stupid, awful things again.

- What did he say?

- Nothing, really.

Kitty, what was he saying?

Joseph is

one of those annoying guests

upon whose good mood

the success of a party entirely depends.

L don't know what

he's all so worked up about anyway.

Go on, Kitty,

tell us what Joseph was saying.

Very well then.

L told Joseph

that an Englishman in love lacks poetry.

That was how it started.

And they do. Englishmen do lack poetry.

L told him about that awful Robinson boy

down at Malton. Do you remember?

- No.

- You know,

how when he was driving me home

after the dance that time,

and his car packed up

at 5:
00 in the morning.

And instead of looking at the sunrise

or at me,

all he could do was grumble along

with a face black as thunder.

He kept saying,

"After tonight my name is mud in Malton!"

"My dear chap," l said to him,

"really, what does it matter if your

name is mud in a place like Malton?"

l told Joseph l envied Barbara Mackenzie

her Spanish naval officer.

Who wouldn't?

He plays to her on his ukulele

in the moonlight,

and he's not ashamed of his love for her.

L'm going to Spain next year,

by the way, Doll, if mum will let me.

- She won't let you go.

- Why not? She let you go to Albania.

Anyway, l told Joseph l thought

he'd play the ukulele beautifully,

and l could not imagine him ever being

ashamed of his love for a woman.

L'm sure he loved hearing that.

Well, l guess not, because after that,

he became quite ratty for some reason,

and he started telling me

in that lecturer's voice of his...

You must know, Kitty, that l don't at all care

for this snobbish continental talk of yours

about foreigners, love, poetry, and...

- Ukuleles.

- Sounds like he rehearsed that speech.

Wait till you hear the rest. He said,

"You must understand, Kitty, that there are

still some of us left who do not

- "appreciate that attitude in our womenfolk."

- Appreciate that attitude in our womenfolk.

- He actually used the word "womenfolk"!

- Of course he did.

Then he said, "My own aim is still

"the clean-limbed, dirty-minded,

thorough English gentleman."

And l still have hopes of being one.

- He's halfway there already.

An English gentleman is not dirty-minded!

How do you know he isn't?

- How do l know? ls Uncle Bob dirty-minded?

Was Dad dirty-minded?

Terribly, terribly.

You're drunk!

Well, l think it's perfectly disgusting!

L don't mind telling you, Evie,

but we've been treated to these comments

from Kitty every single day

for the last 1 2 months.

English gentlemen

and Spanish guitar players.

The whole house rocks with it.

Joseph likes to stir up the wasps' nest

a little with a stick

and then run away and hide.

Then of course,

the wasps fly straight upstairs

and sting innocent people.

Dolly, what's wrong?

Do you ever feel as though

you're just reading about yourself,

like it's all in a book from the lending

library to be returned when you've finished?

All that time last summer,

we were practically inseparable.

- What if...

- What if what, Doll?

What if he begged me to run off with him

by the back door, across the fields

while everyone was sitting in the church

waiting for me?

For goodness sake, what would l do?

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