Chemical Cut Page #5

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they're just the same.

They're better for you.

- That's snot.

- It's not snot.

(laughing)

- Whats so funny.

- That show, remember when you--

- No.

This is not cool.

- Well I don't feel very good.

- Why don't you feel very good?

- 'Cause I ate like nine cupcakes

'cause they were f***ing delicious.

- You wanna look like a f***ing hippo?

- No I don't wanna look like a hippo.

- Why would you eat nine cupcakes honey,

when you have a salad in front of you

why wouldn't you eat salad?

- Because cupcakes are better.

- Well why would they be better,

this is much better for you.

- Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

- Enjoy.

- Thanks, don't listen.

(speaking in a foreign language)

I don't know what that language means

I don't know that language,

speak english, I'm sorry for being rude

but please speak english

we're in America.

- I said close the f***ing

door so I won't hear you.

Thank you.

(screaming)

(crying)

(water running)

- Are you okay?

- Yah, I'm great, why?

- I don't know how to say this but,

I heard some really

weird things last night.

- What?

- Well, there was some screaming,

you and Hartley were screaming.

Did he hurt you?

- No, no no no,

that was his audition tape,

he was doing a rape scene

and wanted feedback.

- You don't have to, you know,

stick up for him,

make up excuses for him.

- Why would I stick up for him?

- I dunno just saying you can

talk to me.

- No he's so sweet.

Did I tell you about our first date?

He took me to get red velvet cupcakes,

which are my favorite kind,

and I ate like five of

them, and then he was like

do you want to come back to my place,

there's this poem that

I really wanna read you.

- [Irene] Oh sure, a

poem, you fell for that?

- I didn't fall for anything

he wanted to take me back

to read me a poem and then

he did and it was a really

good like deep inspirational

poem and like I cried,

we both cried.

And then he got really hard, you know,

and then he took his pants off,

and then he pulled his

dick out and he was like

would you please just suck it.

- Oh my God.

- Yeah, but it was like

sweet, it wasn't like creepy

at all 'cause he said

it in such a nice way.

It was like so gentle,

and so I was doing it, and it was dark,

and he was really into it

but I have a really intense

gag reflex so I threw

up all over his dick.

(laughing)

- Oh sh*t.

- Yeah.

- Really?

- And I was like Oh my god I'm so sorry

I just puked all over

your dick and he was like

it's not even a thing,

and the he just like, we just cuddled,

and he like read me poetry

all night, you know,

and like last night, I swear

to God we had sex three times

and he was just thinking

about his ex the entire time.

- How do you know?

- I could just tell I could

like see it in his eyes,

you know there's like a

psychic thing, you know,

because we're so connected.

I'm sorry I'm just like stressed out,

do you think I should call him?

- No, don't call him, you know.

- Just why hasn't he called me yet?

- Leave it alone okay!

Give ut a week.

- That's the last pair

in this size actually,

I'm surprised you got them

I thought we were sold out.

- It's actually kind of a size too small

but they're so cute.

- Yeah they're gonna

took really good on you.

Is that everything that you wanted?

- Uh, yeah.

- Okay,

(exhaling) my mom and I

believe in retail therapy.

- I guess, are you

getting the whole store?

- Yeah practically,

oh oh my god are these

Oh my god yes can I get a pair of these

in every color size eight and a half.

- These are actually last in the size

in the whole store.

- Yeah.

- Oh perfect, okay I'll take those.

- Wait Spring.

- Oh, were you gonna get those?

- Yeah.

- Oh my god I'm so sorry

is that okay though?

- Yeah, I want these.

- Oh.

Can I get them?

Is that okay, I'm sorry, I'm just like,

this is like kind of my store

and it would, I'll just I'll take them.

- [Cashier] Sure.

- No--

- Thank you for understanding

you're the best.

- You're a great friend.

- Very great friend,

she's my best friend.

- Oh, I could tell.

- I just splurge on shoes, you know,

that's the only thing I splurge on ever.

- Oh so this will be good for you,

it'll be like curbing your habit.

So it's like everything works

out for a reason, you know,

that's what I always say,

everything works out for a reason.

- And, you're sure, nothing for you?

- Yeah, I can't afford these anyway so,

I'm on a budget.

- Yeah, you're so lucky

that you can budget.

- Yeah, it's easy, you

just don't buy anything.

- Isn't this fun?

Let's do our best model faces ready?

Big smiles.

No that's too fierce.

Yeah scary, sad face,

dramatic face, gizmo face.

(laughing)

You guys are born to be celebrities.

(girls giggling)

Can I get some hugs?

Yay!

Thank you girls so much

you're so beautiful.

- Thank you, you're more beautiful.

- No I'm not, you are.

- Thanks.

- You can't say that,

you're beautifuler.

- You're beautifuler.

- You know that's not a word either.

- It's not a word, I'm

not very good with words.

(girls giggling)

You're so shy.

(coughing)

F***, I can't get it all.

Goddammit.

Yeah so I'm gonna need the

house to myself tonight,

I have to throw up in private,

I can't get it all out

when there's just like

people around listening,

no offense, I love you but like,

I just--

- I wasn't listening.

That's what you think I did?

I mean I'm sorry you think that.

- I don't know if you were listening

it doesn't matter I just

like for my own health

and well being it's better for my mind

if I can do it in private.

Hey?

- Hey.

- You should leave your stuff.

You're coming back tomorrow.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- You're right.

Yeah.

- I'm glad we met.

- Me too.

- You're like the best friend

I never had.

- Me too.

- Really?

- Yeah!

- Really?

- Hmm-Hmm.

- (exhaling) Okay.

- What's going on?

- Sorry, I don't know, I'm

just like weirdly emotional.

(sniffling)

Things that are bad are equally good.

Try to look at the

bright side of things.

- Why are you quoting Dr. Seuss?

- I don't know,

it just came into my head.

Sometimes quotes just come into my head.

I love you.

- I love you too, what's--

- I'll just miss you.

- Am I gonna see you soon?

- Yeah totally.

Like tomorrow.

(chuckling)

- Okay, alright, call

me if you need anything.

- I will.

(dramatic music)

(music intensifies)

(breathing heavy)

- Sit tight, don't let

the bed bugs bite.

(chuckling)

(dramatic music)

(buzzing)

(laughing)

Look at this puppy on top of a kitten.

(laughing)

Oh my God.

I like the little ones the best,

the little shitty ones

that are just like.

(pretends to bark)

(phone buzzing)

- What?

- I think you have bed bugs.

- Bed bugs?

I definitely don't have bed bugs,

you must've gotten them

from someone else.

Listen, I'm flying to

New York next week,

I'll FedEx you your stuff.

- You don't have my

mailing address, do you?

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