Chevalier Page #3

you make it?

The usual way. Olive oil, lemon.

The ones we caught weren't full.

You know, sea urchins are packed

with eggs at full moon.

Yes, I know.

Slipper lobsters are tasty too.

- And funny.

- How's that?

When you catch them.

That sound they make.

Beavers do that too.

You catch beavers?

No.

What about calamari?

I don't catch them.

But I do eat them, and I like them.

Know the secret to frying calamari?

No.

After you dry them, you wash

them thoroughly.

The secret is to drain the

water completely.

How, with napkins?

Napkins, paper towels,

bits of cloth. Anything.

You put them in a bag of flour

and shake it.

Don't you get flour all

over the kitchen?

I don't fry them in the kitchen.

My wife yells at me.

So where do you do it?

In the garden. With a camp stove.

Do you cook?

Not really.

But I do make a salad.

Pears wrapped in

prosciutto and arugula.

- Oh really?

- Yeah.

I cut the pears in slices,

put them in the oven,

wrap them in

prosciutto, tightly,

spread more prosciutto

around the plate,

and at very the end, right in

the middle:
arugula.

Couldn't you also put the

arugula inside the rolls?

You could. You're totally free.

And for a dressing, I use

caramelized balsamic.

- How do you caramelize it?

- At 120 C.

- Raw fish, do you eat it?

- Raw? You bet.

Mr. Nikolaou doesn't, I guess.

With Josef you never know.

Not openly, at least.

He might hide in the toilet and eat

salmon Carpaccio. Who knows.

- You've been partners a long time?

- Eleven years.

- A very particular man, isn't he.

- You said it.

How long have you worked

for the Doctor at the clinic?

Four years.

And who will take over for him?

I heard he's retiring.

You'd have to ask him.

It's a big decision.

The Doctor is smart.

I'm sure he'll choose the best

man for the job.

How old are your kids?

My daughter's 16 and

my son's 12.

I had them young.

Well, not that young.

How old are you?

Forty-five. But I don't look it.

Wouldn't you have liked to play

the field a little more?

Not at all.

The dinghy is ready for anyone who

wishes to go ashore. Thank you.

Sorry, Christos...

It's OK. Don't worry about it.

What are you looking at?

- My hair? Is it a mess?

- A little.

- Now?

- Better.

Was it a mess before, or only

now with the wind?

Only now. Inside you were fine.

Have you thought of a contest?

I have, but I'm not crazy about it and

it's making me anxious.

Do you want to tell me?

Sure. Everyone describes

his house, in detail...

square meters, floor, and address,

and then we grade it.

You're right. It's not

very interesting.

No, it's not.

Don't suggest it.

Yorgos!

Three!

One!

One is like none.

Two.

Is someone writing these down?

I did.

- Three.

- Two or three, which was it?

- One.

- Four.

Two!

Three...

three...

- Bravo, Josef.

- Seven.

Yeah, right.

I don't believe it.

Did you see it? Seven.

Three.

Josef, how many?

I've done a whole variety.

- One.

- Two, one, three.

Write it down.

- Josef?

- Four.

Three, four, two, one.

I think it's our best contest so far!

What's wrong?

You're not talking?

- What you did wasn't right.

- What?

Letting them throw my

pebbles into the water.

You asked, so I gave them to you.

You didn't say they'd be

thrown into the sea.

I trusted you.

Pebbles belong in the sea.

No. Pebbles belong to me,

not the sea.

These pebbles, anyway.

Why do you want those

pebbles anyway?

They're pebbles. We'll get more.

I wanted to make a terrarium.

A what?

- A terrarium.

- A terrarium?

Yes.

What's a terrarium?

If you knew what a terrarium was,

you wouldn't throw my

pebbles in the sea.

Will you tell me?

No. Did you tell me?

I didn't tell you.

- But I did it for you.

- Yeah, right.

Don't say yeah right.

You shouldn't become so

attached to pebbles.

Pebbles come, pebbles go.

Other pebbles show up.

When you don't expect them.

Want to throw some?

Nobody's stopping you.

Well, I'm going to throw some.

- My geometry professor

was very strict,

and I knew he wouldn't tell me

my grade on the test...

With a little more feeling!

If you don't mind.

- My geometry professor

was very strict,

and I knew he wouldn't tell me

my grade on the test...

I was scared, but I had

nothing else to lose,

as I approached his office, to

ask how I had done.

Standing outside his door, I was

trembling with fear...

OK?

Josef?

And remember:
I've seen your dick,

because you show it to us every

time you go swimming,

and it's not what you'd

call a big dick.

First of all, you know that a penis

which is not erect

can grow considerably

when it is, i.e.,

two penises where one

is smaller than the other,

when they're not erect, when

they become erect

the smaller can become the bigger.

That made no sense at all,

your syntax is sh*t and your

dick is very, very small.

I don't insult you, I'm always polite,

and I think my contest is very

fair to everyone.

I merely said that...

you alone didn't have

a morning erection.

And I think it must

mean something.

That I didn't have a morning

erection is completely irrelevant.

Maybe I'd just had a bad dream...

that you had died, let's say...

and I was sad.

Fair enough.

Anyway, we're on a tight schedule,

so I think you should get in there.

And please make sure the

focus is sharp,

otherwise we can't compare.

Press the screen and it

focuses automatically.

I know how to focus.

Very good.

OK, let's do it.

- Ready?

- Yep!

- Night had fallen,

when I arrived at

the college courtyard...

I'm telling you, it was that story.

The geometry teacher and the girl?

I couldn't imagine it.

If it was the one about the girl

whose car breaks down,

I'd have been fine.

I'm not saying you have a problem.

Maybe you were nervous, maybe...

Maybe you were embarrassed...

but you had better look into it.

Okay?

Hurry up! We're waiting for you.

Come on, get up.

Can you please tell me

what's going on?

Nothing's going on.

Want some tangerine?

- Making fun of me?

- Not at all.

You sit there and agree.

You say, Sure,

take off some of his points.

Points off from what? My cock?

I think you're overly upset.

Didn't we go together

to that apartment in Ilissia?

We did.

And when the client came to see it,

didn't I f*** her in the kitchen?

Yes or no?

I know it.

Did I get a hard-on instantly,

yes or no?

You did.

Did I get it up without her

even blowing me?

- I don't remember.

- What?

You were on the balcony,

watching us and laughing.

You're right. I remember now.

So when those guys started with

the insults and sarcasm,

why didn't you tell them to shut up?

Why didn't you tell them, stop guys,

don't make fun of Josef,

because I've seen him in Ilissia

with a beautiful erection.

I didn't tell them because

it's against the rules of the game.

What rules? There are no

rules to this game.

There are no rules to this stupid

game you came up with.

You didn't tell them because

you're ungrateful.

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