Chicago Page #6

The lady

rakin' in the chips

ls gonna be Ro xie

l'm gonna be a celebrity

That means

somebody everyone knows

They're gonna recognize

my eyes

My hair, my teeth,

my b*obs, my nose

From just some

dumb mechanic's wife

l'm gonna be Ro xie

Who says that murder's

not an art?

And who,

in case she doesn't hang

Can say she started

with a bang?

Ro xie Hart

Boys

They're gonna wait outside

in line

To get to see

- Ro xie

- Ro xie

Think of those autographs

l'll sign

''Good luck to you''

Ro xie

And l'll appear

in a lavaliere

That goes all the way

down to my waist

Here a ring, there a ring,

everywhere a ring-a-ling

But always

in the best of taste

I'm a star.

And the audience Ioves me,

and I Iove them .

And they Iove me

for Ioving them .

And I Iove them for Ioving me.

And we Iove each other.

And that's 'cause none of us got

enough Iove in our chiIdhoods.

And that's show biz. . .

. . .kid .

She's givin' up

her humdrum life

- l'm gonna be -- Sing it

- Ro xie

She made a scandal

and a start

And Sophie Tucker

will sh*t, l know

To see her name

get billed below

Ro xie Hart

I can't take it anymore.

You can't go anywhere without

hearing about that dumb tomato!

Oh , no, Mama, not you , too.

I have some bad news.

The tour has been canceIed .

What?

Your name's been

out of the papers too Iong .

AII you read about today

is that Hart kid .

She's hot.

And what am I

supposed to do, huh?

Suck up to her

Iike everybody eIse?

It couIdn't hurt.

Over my dead body.

Mind if I join you?

[ CIicking , feedback ]

MAN :

Lights out. 1 0 minutes.

Smoke?

Look what

some Johnny sent me.

TripIe-cream carameIs

aII the way from San Francisco.

I'm watching my figure.

You know, the triaI .

Hey, great mention of you

in the Trib today, huh?

You know,

there have been so many.

I just can't keep track.

Did I teII you , you are exactIy

the same size as my sister?

You'd fit into her costumes

perfectIy.

ReaIIy?

Yeah . I was thinking

with aII the pubIicity

that's piIed up between us,

and when BiIIy gets us off,

we'd be a naturaI

to do an act together.

You think so, huh?

[ CIicking , feedback ]

BANDLEADER:

Ladies and gentIemen . . .

Miss VeIma KeIIy

in an act of desperation .

My sister and l had an act

that couldn't flop

My sister and l were headed

straight for the top

My sister and l earned

a thou a week at least

Oh, yeah

But my sister

is now unfortunately deceased

l know it's sad, of course

But a fact is still a fact

And now all that remains

is the remains

Of a perfect

Double

Act

Watch this.

You have to imagine it

with two peopIe.

It's sweII with two peopIe.

First l'd

Then she'd

Then we'd

But l can't do it alone

Then she'd

Then l'd

Then we'd

But l can't do it alone

She'd say,

''What's your sister like?''

l'd say, ''Men''

She'd say,

''You're the cat's meow''

Then we'd

wow the crowd again

When she'd go

l'd go

We'd go

Then those dingdong daddies

started to roar

Whistled, stomped,

stamped on the floor

Yelling, screaming,

begging for more

And we'd say, ''Okay, fellas,

keep your socks up

'Cause you ain't seen

nothin' yet''

But l simply cannot do it

Alone

So, what do you think, huh?

Come on , you can say.

I know. You're right.

The first part's sh*t.

But the second part. . .

is reaIIy nifty.

Okay.

She'd go

l'd go

We'd go

And then those two-bit

Johnnies did it up brown

To cheer the best attraction

in town

They nearly tore

the balcony down

And we'd say, ''Okay, boys,

we're going home

But before we go, here's

a few more partin' shots''

And this we did

in perfect unison

Now you've seen me

going through it

You may think

there's nothing to it

But l simply cannot do it

Alone

So, where was the part

where you bIew her brains out?

Okay, Roxie,

I'II IeveI with you .

Oh , no, no, no.

Don't bother.

You think you're fooIing me?

You're aII washed up,

and it's me they want now.

And I'm a big star.

SingIe.

Oh , I aImost forgot.

You were in the paper

today, too. . .

in the back,

with the obituaries.

''VeIma KeIIy's triaI has been

postponed indefiniteIy.''

Seven words. Wow.

Oh . Here's a IittIe piece

of advice.

Direct from me to you .

Lay off the carameIs.

BANDLEADER:
And now, for aII you

Chicago stay-up-Iaters.

You night owIs who onIy

come aIive after dark.

We dedicate this tune.

''Chicago After Midnight.''

BILLY:
This aII took pIace

on Lakeshore Drive.

IncredibIe. IncredibIe.

AII right. Yeah .

Thanks, Tom .

They just arrested this woman

for a tripIe homicide.

ReaIIy?

Get this.

She's an heiress.

What?

AII the famiIy's in . . .

pineappIes, grapefruits,

some kind of fruit.

So anyhow, this dame,

Kitty what's-her-name. . .

she's pIaying house

on the North Side

in an apartment

with a guy named Harry.

What Harry does for a Iiving ,

no one's quite sure,

but it doesn't matter

because she's footing the biIIs.

Anyhow,

Kitty comes home tonight.

Harry's in bed ,

which is par for the course.

She goes to change.

When she returns, she notices

something rather odd .

ExtremeIy odd .

Kitty disappears for a second .

CooI as a cucumber.

When she returns,

she gentIy wakes up Harry.

[ Laughter ]

Harry says, ''What? I'm aIone.''

She says, ''AIone?

You got two other women

in bed with you .''

So, get this.

Harry says, ''Come on , doII .

You gonna beIieve what you see

or what I teII you?''

[ Laughter ]

Good night, foIks.

Give us the Iine!

Give us the Iine!

Miss Sunshine.

From the Evening Star.

I wonder if you wouIdn't mind

saying a word or two?

Sure, I'II say three.

Go to heII !

PIease direct your questions

to her counseI .

You're not my counseI ,

and I want my money back.

It's not your money.

It's your mother's money.

MARY SUNSHINE :

Are you sorry, dear?

Sure, I'm sorry.

Sorry I got caught.

-Oh , Miss Sunshine?

-Not now, Roxie.

I got a Ietter from a guy.

He says he's going on a hunger

strike untiI I'm freed .

That's nice, dear.

Miss Baxter?

Did you know

these two Iadies personaIIy?

Did I know these two Iadies?

Was that your question?

Yeah , that's my --

She's very high-spirited ,

isn't she?

Miss Baxter?

Oh , hey, Mr. FIynn !

Mr. FIynn !

-Yeah , hi , Trixie.

-It's Roxie.

Yeah , sure,

I was just kidding .

Did you get my triaI date yet?

Listen , kid . . .

I'm at the top

of your Iist, right?

Go to heII !

Boy, what a heIIion , huh?

She's a sociaIite, too.

Her mother owns

aII the pineappIes in Hawaii .

What the heII do I care

about pineappIes?

-AII right.

-Listen !

Miss Baxter wiII answer

aII of your questions.

Afterwards, I'II be happy to

give you an interview myseIf.

VELMA:

How's it feeI , kid?

J . Edgar Hoover couIdn't find

your name in the papers.

Mr. FIynn !

BILLY:
Someone open this door

immediateIy!

MARY SUNSHINE :
Oh , my God !

Roxie! What is it, dear?

Oh ! Oh , no.

Don't worry about me.

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