Choke Page #6

Then let's try a stomach tube.

I mean, that'll buy some time, right?

- What? What's the matter?

- I don't know how to tell you this.

- What?

- I made some calls.

It all checks out-

the clinic,

the specialists, even the relic.

- What are you talking about?

- The theft was a huge deal in Rome.

It was in the Vatican newspapers

and everything.

Come on! Come on!

Stop with that sh*t! Stop!

Here. You can check for yourself.

In fact, I suggest you do,

just for your own peace of mind.

You're not seriously telling me

you believe this sh*t?

I don't know what to believe.

I think it's better if we don't

see each other for a while.

What? Why?

It's not that

I don't have feelings for you.

I do.

It's just, I've seen the way

the patients look at you and-

'Cause my crazy mother's journal

says I'm the holy clone-

- Half clone.

- Ofjesus Christ?

Paige, please- please, say i-

Say it's 'cause I'm a-a pervert...

or- or a failure,

or-orjust a really, really bad lay.

But please, not over this.

- What the f***?

- [ Giggling ]

What are you doing?

Get out of here.

I'm not who you think I am, okay?

So would you all please f*** off?

- [ Gasping ]

- Get the f*** out of here!

- And he's so humble.

- I am not humble.

I'm not even good.

Would a good person do this?

- [ Squealing, Laughing ]

- Huh?

- What about this?

- [ Loud Laughing ]

- Hey!

- [ All ] Hey!

- Okay, what about this?

- [ Gasping ]

[ Cheering ]

[ Victor Narrating ]

And faster than you can say, "Jesus H. Clone'"..

I was alone... again.

[ Man ]

#How'd I arrive in a place like this #

#Red right hand

does the alligator kiss ##

[ Victor Narrating ] To reclaim my personal

booth at the cafe of diminished expectations...

all I had to do was answer

one simple question:

What would jesus not do?

Don't kiss me on the mouth.

Don't ask if you're hurting me.

And if you hear the safe word,

stop what you're doing immediately.

Do you have panty hose?

You want me to rip you in drag?

- F-For your head.

- Oh.

I need you to be a faceless attacker.

Here, you'll need this.

Whoa!jesus.

Um, couldn't I just, you know,

rough you up a little?

Mmm. No, absolutely not. The knife is

very important to my total experience.

I mean, be careful with it, 'cause if you

so much as scratch me with that thing...

I will have you in prison

before you can put your pants on.

- Anything else?

- Yes. And this is very important.

Whatever you do,

do not rape me on the bed.

The bedspread is silk. It will spot.

So rape me on the floor,

but not on the floor itself.

On a towel on the floor,

but on the wood part, not the rug.

- Got it?

- Got it.

What's the safe word?

Poodle.

##[ Classical ]

##[ Woman Singing Opera ]

- Oh, God! No!

- Yeah.

No, help me, please!

Not the bed! Not the bed!

Or the rug! Or the-

Try the towel.

- Remember? The towel?

- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Stop! Please!

- Right.

[ Crying ]

Please, you're hurting me. Stop!

Please.! Ow.! Ow.! Ow.!

- Okay.

- Did I say ""poodle''?

- No.

- No, then I'm not really hurt, you f***ing moron!

- Wait a minute. Wait! Are those my hose?

- Uh, yeah.

For Christ's sake, what kind of rapist

doesn't bring his own panty hose?

- Look, I'm sorry, but the drugstore-

- No, don't apologize!

Just demean me, you stupid sh*t!

Oh. Okay.

That's better. Now hit me.

- Do you want me to use the knife, or-

- No. Not with the-

When you hit someone with a knife,

that's stabbing. Hit me!

Ow! But not in the head,

you dumb ass!

You're gonna give me a concussion.

Lower! Lower!

How 'bout you shut the f*** up

and let me rape you my way?

- How 'bout that?

- Well, you know?

Well, if that's how you feel about it...

you might want to take your little friend there

and run along home.

Or your way's good.

We can do it your way.

Come on!

- Okay. Okay. Okay.

- [ Motor Whirring ]

Hey, wait a minute.

Wait a second. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What about me? How 'bout me?

Well, you can take care of yourself.just put

your stuff on the towel when you're done.

[ Panting, Moaning ]

- I've got to switch.

- [ Moans ]

[ Sighs ]

Mmm.

[ Moans ]

[ Grunting ]

- [ Motor Stops ]

- Hey, wait a minute.

Where did you put your-

Hey!

Poodle.

[ Screaming ]

[ Drum Stops ]

As the body doth regurgitate

spoilt meats...

so shalt the ungodly be cast

from the bosom of fair Dunsboro.

We therefore commit this body

to the earth...

to be turned once more

into corruption.

[ Slow Drum Roll Resumes ]

Victor, I-

- [ Moaning ]

- [ Woman Moaning ]

Feel like I'm not a very good sponsor.

[ Groaning Loudly ]

Oww!

[ Groans ]

F***! Oh, f***!

I'm not a lawn mower.

-jesus.

- [ Giggles ]

- Oops.

- What's the matter?

Man overboard.

What are you saying?

Are you saying-

- [ Giggling ]

- Oh. Well, it'll work its way out.

Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Good luck with that.

##[ Disco ]

- ##[ Continues ]

- Hey! You changed your hair.

Yeah, 'cause of what you said

about blondes getting skin cancer.

- Good thinkin'!

- You can never be too careful.

Can I get some nuts, please? Nuts?

How is she?

- Who cares? I wasn't that into her anyway.

- No, I-I meant your mom.

Oh. Yeah. Tell you the truth,

I wish she'd just die already.

You need to go see her, dude. And go to

a meeting. You've barely been home in days.

You're stalking a stripper,

and you're concerned about my sobriety?

No, I'm not stalking her.

It's a healthy relationship.

I love her.

[ Chuckling ]

You what?

I love her.

And...

we're moving in together.

That's nice.

##[ Continues ]

You know,

she's not as attractive as you think.

What?

You're my best friend in the whole world.

But this girl...

she's, like, the only nice thing

that's ever happened to me.

So you think you could resist the impulse

to piss all over it just this once?

Sure.

Thanks.

I just hope you're cool paying a kid's

tuition with a bunch of wrinkly ones.

Go see your mom, dude.

And start your fourth step already.

Don't you think you've suffered enough?

No.

Ira.

Ira and Tammy Hastings.

Do you love him...

Ira here?

I do.

Do you love her?

- No.

- Ira!

Okay. Yeah, I love her.

Do you know how lucky you are?

Poor Victor isn't very good

at loving people.

I'm afraid that when I'm gone...

there won't be anyone left in

the whole world who will love Victor.

[ Sighs ]

Hey.

- Uh, yeah, thanks, but-

- For what?

For, uh, lying back there.

Look, I know I overreacted before...

but the information

was a little startling at first.

Now the prospect of dating

a clone deity seems kind of neat?

If I could take it back I would.

But the thing is, I wasn't lying in there.

So if you feel anything...

you know...

remotely similar for me...

then now would be

a really good time to say so.

[ Stomach Gurgling ]

Pathetic.

What the f-

What are you doing up?

- You should be ashamed.

- What are you talking about?

Go back to bed, for God's sake.

That woman just placed her heart

in the palm of your hand...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes