Chris Brown: Welcome to My Life Page #6

I hated myself, you know,

I was thinking about suicide

and everything else.

So, it was just like, f***.

But, from there, I

said, "You know what,

I'm just gonna take

everything that could come,

my consequences for my actions

have to be dealt with."

I turned myself in the next day.

When I first met him, he was 18.

The male's brain

doesn't fully form

in impulse control

until you're 25.

About six years ago

last month I got a call

from a buddy in New

York who said,

was the morning of the

Grammys, it was a Sunday,

it was about 6:
30, and my

buddy says there's this guy,

there's an arrest

warrant for him,

L.A. P.D.'s looking for him,

his name is Chris Brown,

and the complaining

witness's name is Rihanna.

He called me, I think it

was maybe an hour or two

after it happened,

and he was, he was scared,

um, like in disbelief,

like he couldn't even believe

this was even going on.

I couldn't believe that.

But he was, you know,

he was scared.

I have been through

a lot in my life,

but that was the most

devastating thing

I've ever had to experience,

to see the hurt and

the pain on his face,

and not knowing what was

gonna happen to him.

I look at it in this,

in this really, like,

how could I be that person?

Well, the case, originally, was,

an assault with a deadly

weapon, criminal threats,

various charges like that

involving strike offenses

for the serious felonies.

He wanted to, immediately,

take responsibility,

wanted to plead guilty.

Pled guilty, didn't,

didn't argue,

didn't say, "Hey, let me

fight this case and take it

to trial," and just say

"Hey, she fought me back,"

no, I'm not, that's not

where my head was at,

and that's not where it is now,

you know, I loved her,

I wanted to protect her because

I did too much stuff to her.

Like, I did what I

did, so, it was wrong.

Explain quickly, Mark,

what he pled guilty to.

Assault, basically,

is what it is,

a felony assault charge.

The hardest person to see,

or talk about it to would be...

I would say probably my father,

you know what I'm saying,

my father and my,

my real father.

I don't want to

disappoint my father,

because he actually

was there for me.

For my mom, it was a little

bit more closer to heart,

because I seen my

mom deal with that,

you know, firsthand,

not from my father,

my biological father Clinton

Maurice Brown is a great man.

But her significant

other at the time,

my mother's significant

other, he was a monster,

animal, pure hatred, evil,

I've never hated somebody

in my life like,

if I could kill him, I would.

So, I promised my mom one day,

I said, "Look, Ma, you know,

I know you tell me not

to do like crazy sh*t

and hang with these niggas

and do what I do," I said,

"but when I get 15,

I'm gonna kill him.

Like, I'm not playing, I'm

not not joking, I'm serious.

I wanna take his life."

So, that's the kind of hatred

this guy brings from me,

and fear, and stuff like that.

So, I'm terrified of this man.

I would be at home, you know,

he blew his brains out when I

was six, but he didn't die,

he shot himself in the head,

and then he went blind and sh*t.

I was six years old, bro, like,

f***, how does a kid

deal with that sh*t?

And then, being that he's

physically impaired now,

it frustrates him more,

so he's in a depression,

so, but he takes it

out on his girl.

His girl happens to be my mom.

This is what I had

to deal with, like,

I had to hear my mom get

beat up every night.

I had to pee on myself,

like, I'm scared,

scared to even get up and

walk in the hallway,

'cause I didn't

wanna see nothing.

You know what I'm saying,

so nobody knows the fear

that they had to deal with,

and then it

transcends sometimes,

it's learned behavior.

So, me having to see my mom

look at me through that light,

I just saw him, that's

what I saw, I saw him,

I didn't see Chris, I

seen that motherf***er.

And so, that's what

ate at me, and like,

that's what killed my soul,

because I was the one

thing I was running from.

Sometimes you try to run

away from the one thing

that you don't wanna

become, and you become it.

The only person I hate

right now is him.

The only thing Chris

Brown is guilty of,

- a felony.

We don't know everything

that went down,

this is a tough one.

You know, he is

in huge trouble.

We're not gonna put up with

domestic violence as

business as usual,

and I think we should

just take this

and keep moving with it.

We're not saying I

think he should be

thrown in jail, we're saying

he should get treatment.

It was a weird, confusing

space to be in,

'cause as angry as I was,

angry and hurt and betrayed,

I just felt like...

he made that mistake

because he needed help.

The label, the

name woman-beater,

is something I would

say to somebody.

You know what I'm saying,

it scares me because that,

I would place that

judgment on somebody.

So, when people say it,

I don't get mad at them,

I'm more mad at myself,

because I feel like

I am the reflection

of what they're saying.

To have that type of

success that music brings,

people really look at

you and look to you

for inspiration, for

hope, for light,

for all of these things,

and that pressure can

sometimes be so tremendous.

You are a rock star, you

live in a world where

they want every piece of you,

because they need

to sell a story.

He has said that he

feels really bad

about what transpired,

that he's gonna

meet with his pastor,

and hope to become

a better person, there

are reports he's gone

to anger management classes.

Beside that incident, you know,

it's like a domino effect,

it brings other

things that happened,

it brings up rage and anger,

and we don't understand

why we angry,

because we're angry

because we think people

think about us in a certain way.

I'm gonna tell you

something, let me be honest.

I was disappointed,

almost felt let down,

because I said, this kid could

be the great superstar.

You say how could I be

the best in the world

and people still talk about me?

And that's just

what life is about,

overcoming emotional

quagmires, adversity,

becoming stronger

in life, you know.

If you didn't

experience any kind of

emotional conflict with

yourself or with anyone else,

under the light of this

struggle, you just crumble.

Sentenced to five years

of probation as you said,

180 days of what Judge Schnegg

calls community labor,

and he has to undergo a

domestic violence program

for one year.

The first time I

walked in the courtroom,

I was super nervous, you know.

I never even did jury

duty, so I was like,

"Man, I don't know what's

gonna happen here,

I'm not used to

this environment."

This is a guy who's gotten

kind of everything he wanted

since he was 16 years old.

But once you step into a

courtroom, you lose all control.

They wanted me to do jail time,

there was a lot of

women's rights groups

that were calling in and

demanding that I had jail time.

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