Chris Brown: Welcome to My Life Page #7

You know, I was terrified, man,

I was only 17, I think,

about to turn 18,

and I was like, man, like,

I'm about to go to jail, and

just have my life turned out,

I got out of my

situation in Virginia,

and made something of my life,

and I'm going right back?

- Like, that's how I felt.

- This is where the

process begins.

And there has been

speculation already by some

that this really will end

Chris Brown's career.

His drive, his enthusiasm,

his excitement about

everything was gone.

It's hard to go from that

admiration from the world,

to all of a sudden that

judgment from the world,

and being able to balance that,

and understand how to

maneuver through that,

that sh*t is not easy.

Being on probation

is like the hardest thing ever.

I know that was a tough time.

Any little thing can

be a violation.

I did go into a deep

depression, like I said,

for almost, like, three months.

Stayed in my room,

didn't come out,

they would bring my

food to the door,

my homies would be like,

"Come on man, what's up?"

And I'd just sleep in

bed, stay in bed all day.

Some of the greatest

artists in the world fell,

you know, from that,

and they fall to

substances and things

that just really cloud

their judgment,

cloud their ability to kind

of see their way through it.

I wasn't

sleeping, I barely ate,

I just was getting high, I

would pop a couple Xanaxes,

drink some lean, then

just be like, "I'm good,"

and be a zombie for

the rest of the day.

I remember being on video

sets and falling asleep,

cussing people out, not

knowing where I'm at, like,

and then I'd wake up

the next day, like,

"Hey, we gotta shoot the video."

They'd be like, "Dude,

we shot it yesterday. "

I'm like, "dang." So, that's

when I knew it went bad.

And I said, "Hey,

man,I'm not telling you

nothing that ain't

nobody told me,

I'm not telling you nothing

that Quincey Jones

didn't tell me or Oprah

Winfrey didn't tell me,

I'm just telling you

gotta fly away,

like, you know, do

your thing, have fun,

but just always remember

that if the people

that are around you don't

have a risk like you do,

it's probably not,

it's probably,

probably not cool."

The more light we get,

the more we have to

hide our demons.

That's pretty much a deterrent

to see who we truly are,

the light, the light

is the demon,

it's blinding you

from seeing him.

The elephant in the room

is the fact that there's

been some very tumultuous

things that Chris

has experienced in

his career, right?

Well, I'll talk about it.

Everybody has sh*t

that they go through,

but not everybody has to deal

with it in front of the world.

A loss in fans, or

a loss in revenue.

Chris Brown doesn't see either,

so likely he'll

continue on this path.

One day I just started

thinking about it.

Well, if they all hate me,

I want them to hate me

'cause they can't beat me.

A" All that bullshit...

That next week I went

into the studio,

and I said, "I don't care even

if I don't know how to write,

if they don't like my song,

I'm just gonna say

whatever I feel."

Let me just talk about

what I'm rocking with.

Then you got songs like

"Deuces" that will come out.

I Girl, yeah

I That knows just what I need

I She knows just what I mean

No bullshit.

And even throughout

that process,

I tried to get Rihanna back.

I would try to call,

and try to, like,

"Hey, what's up,

man," just like...

One time she's like,

"Hey, I got a boyfriend,

stop talking to me."

I was like, "Woah."

So I said, you know what,

"Cool, let me just be me then."

I'm putting all my records out,

the pain records, the ones that,

when I'm at my lowest

point, and it's like,

back against the wall,

nobody thinks I'm gonna come

out the underdog status.

And, you know, I got a

Grammy off of those records.

I don't know, man, I'm nervous,

I don't know what to say.

Team Breezy, man, it's

all for you, man,

all my fans back home,

I love y'all, so.

We got one. Thank you.

About that time, I was able

to meet somebody else.

Her name's Karrueche, I met her,

you know, and she kind of

got me through the times.

I was like, "You

know what, cool,"

I'm really cool with not

turning up as much.

I still, I mean, I

still did, you know,

I would only do that only

because I didn't know

how to cope with dealing

with being in love with her

and Rihanna at the same time.

What would the Chris Brown

sitting next to me right now

tell the Chris Brown

one year ago?

Um...

Make some wise

decisions, brother.

I would definitely look

at myself a year ago

and be like, "Man, like,

really, really, like,

don't take this for granted.

Don't take anything for granted,

and don't think you

untouchable, you're invincible,

because you're not."

He has to make that decision

to choose who he is,

we have to look in the

mirror sometimes of life,

and decide, do we like

who we looking at?

And I sometimes don't like

who I'm still looking at,

but I like him more than

I used to like him.

At that time, I just was trying

to mask my real feelings.

My life was just slowly going

downhill because of my fear,

you know what I'm saying,

and my insecurities,

and me not being, me

not really manning up.

So it's 2010, we've decided

that we're going to have

Chris Brown do...

the year after, the year

anniversary, Jackson tribute.

But there's one

tribute, one tribute

performance we've yet to see.

And the crowd knew

exactly who it was,

and there was this

murmur that built,

and the lights drop out, and,

Chris hit the stage.

It was so surreal, man.

I was hosting BET,

that for everyone was

just a moment in time

where it was just, Chris

was going through a thing.

And so, therefore,

it really hurt him.

It was lot of things happening,

first of all, we were giving

Michael Jackson a real,

great sendoff, a passing

of the torch, if you will.

And then he poured his

heart into it, man.

a' I'm starting with

the man in the mirror

a' If you wanna make the

world a better place

a' Take a look at yourself

and then make that

Chris Brown was there

to prove something

that night, that he

belonged on this planet,

that he belonged on stages.

No matter what you think

about Chris Brown,

when he starts to

dance and sing,

he has that light, he

has that fire that,

that lightning

rod-ness of a career.

So, I think that sobered

a lot of people up,

like, you know, you

can only do so much,

you can only give so much,

sometimes you gotta

step back a little bit

and just decompress.

Everybody's human, and

everybody makes mistakes,

and if God can give us mercy,

why can't we have

mercy on each other?

You may have heard about Chris

Brown's appearance here

on GMA on Tuesday, he and

I had a brief interview,

and then he performed a single

from his hit new album,

and it's what happened after

that performance that

unfortunately made headlines.

Chris Brown did become

very angry backstage

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