Christmas Crime Story Page #2

- No, no thanks to you.

- What's that mean?

- I hate to break it to you

but your trust ain't

gonna last forever.

- You know, you're one

of a handful of people

who believes that seven

figures won't last a lifetime.

- At the rate you spend it?

- On you.

- Oh.

You're regretting it yet?

- Course not, I love you.

- Sasha Harrington Carlisle.

Geez.

I sound like I was born with

a silver spoon up my ass.

- We talked about

this, no hyphens.

- Uh, yeah, hyphens.

Consider yourself lucky.

I was gonna keep my last name.

Taking the groom's name?

It's too f***ing patriarchal.

- You don't want my name?

- In Korea,

wives don't take their

husbands' last name.

- I didn't know we lived

in Korea, which Korea?

- The good one.

So, my David, I've been

meaning to ask you something.

- Yeah.

- This brooding photographer

sh*t is for the birds.

When are you gonna

get a real job?

- A real job.

Refresh my memory.

- I know this is a very

foreign concept to you,

but most people tend

to leave their house

for eight hours a

day, five days a week,

and they go to this magical,

faraway land called work.

And they make money.

- Is that so?

Maybe I got left out

of the loop, huh?

- David, I'm serious.

You hanging around the house

all day is kinda f***ed up

when I have to go and work.

- What's bothering you more?

That you're working

or that I'm not?

- Both.

- You wanna switch?

- No, I just wanna be equal.

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Tis the season to be jolly

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Don we now our gay apparel

David, are you listening to me?

David.

- Not really.

- Hi, I'm sorry for the delay.

I hope I didn't

keep you too long.

There you go, it's on the

house, Merry Christmas.

- Appreciate it.

- Oh, well, thank you.

Would you like

some food, dessert?

- I think we'll need

a minute or two.

- Oh, okay, just let me know.

Join the triumph of the skies

With angelic host proclaim

Christ is born in Bethlehem

Hark, the herald angels sing

Glory to the newborn King

- Good stuff, ladies.

- All right.

- So, hot chocolate?

- Yes, sounds good.

- All right, let's

get a move on.

I caught you trying to

sneak a peek earlier.

Now, what would Mrs. Claus

have to say about that?

- Well, she is the

jealous type, so--

- Got you by the balls?

- Ice grip.

- Ugh!

- So, all this?

Why do you do it?

- For the kids.

- You have kids?

- A charity.

It's just a small

way that I give back.

On the streets, kids don't

have much to look forward to

this time of year.

I'm Lena.

- Jason.

- Pleasure.

- So, got any plans

for Christmas?

Maybe besides this, obviously.

- Very little.

I'm a full blown Heeb.

- Yeah, I'm not really a

big man upstairs kinda guy.

- Just because I'm

into the Tanakh

doesn't mean I can't give you

New Testament boy some love.

- So.

You doing anything after?

- Just him.

- Ha.

- It was nice to

meet you, Jason.

And good luck with

the collection.

- David.

David, I'm not f***ing

around, please.

- Debatable.

- Bullshit.

You treat me like

your f***ing pet.

While I'm at work,

you hang around on the

sofa watching movies

or doing whatever the

f*** you do on that couch.

- I read, too, sometimes.

Besides, how would you know?

If you're at work?

- Because you're always

still watching them

when I come back.

- Oh, really?

You're really tugging at

the heartstrings here.

I mean, those starving kids

in Africa got nothing on you.

- That's not fair.

- Life is not fair.

I pay for the house, I pay

for my car, paid off your car.

The one you

handpicked, by the way.

Got you that rock you love

to flaunt so f***ing much.

And all your jewelry,

and your spa treatments,

whatever the hell they are.

And in return,

you pay the groceries.

Which I cook.

And the utilities.

Is that so tough?

Because if it is,

you're free to walk.

And with your propensity for

being the village bicycle

back in the day,

you should have no trouble

hooking up somewhere.

So don't pretend

you're Mother Teresa

and you don't give

a damn about money,

because I know you, Sasha.

And despite your

contempt for me,

I would prefer you

stay because I love you

regardless how

you feel about me.

- You sure know how to show it.

- Don't you think

I wish you loved me the

same way I loved you.

- Meaning what?

- Let's just say you

love your low cut tops

and you're getting

dolled up all the time

but you're not doing it for me.

- So you think I'm screwing

other guys behind your back?

- I just think that you

like looking your best

and I look like a waste of time.

- In a T-shirt.

- It's a heat wave.

You wanna get outta here?

You're always doing that.

- Why didn't you

park in the lot?

- 'Cause I couldn't find a spot.

- You and your old man car.

- Let's not start that again.

- And it looks really bad

when you park on the driveway,

you know?

- What, next to your Lexus?

- It's a Mercedes.

- I'm gonna pretend I

didn't blatantly hear you

dissing my car.

- Would I do that?

- Wait, wait, I've

got a present for you.

- Okay, thank you.

- It's in the trunk.

- Can we go?

Please.

- It's in the trunk.

- Come on, David, I'm sweating.

- Let's open it here.

- I'm gonna get cholera!

Standing in this

Christmas heat wave.

- Christmas heat wave.

You don't get cholera from

heat, you get it from bad water.

- Okay, I will open it, okay?

- You know, I think it's

some of my best work.

- When did you take those?

- I took them last night.

Isn't that something?

Santa came early.

Here, I thought you

weren't the intimate type

Is this one of those

it's-not-me-it's-you things

or it's-not-you-it's-me things,

whatever the f*** it is?

- How could you do that?

- How could I?

How could I?

I'm so glad you asked me that.

I mean, while you were

kissing him in the dark,

I had to open the

aperture to an f-3.5.

The ISO was a b*tch.

- David.

- But I got there--

- David, stop!

- When I told you I loved

you, it wasn't bullshit.

But you never loved me, did you?

Did you?

- Of course I did.

- Past tense.

- I still do.

- Get your hands off me.

I don't know what hurts more.

You lying with a straight face

or me wishing I

could believe you.

- Sorry, babe.

So sorry.

I've been meaning to do

this for a long time.

- You wanna kill me?

You wanna kill me?

You wanna kill me?

Okay, let's go.

- She's done for, buddy.

Snap out of it,

we got work to do.

First things first, okay?

You can't stay out here

in this heat like this.

You're gonna need a f***ing IV

to replace all the

fluids you lost.

Where you going?

All right, it's

cool, man, no hurry.

I'll stay here and keep watch.

- Lose something?

- Oh.

- Geez, what happened?

- Oh, I didn't know, I tripped.

- Tripped on what?

- Oh, it's kinda stupid, really.

Thanks.

- Yeah, sure.

Merry Christmas.

- Ugh!

- Whoa, whoa.

- Goddamn!

- You hurt?

You'll be all right.

Take it easy next time.

- There won't be a next time.

- Camera's not

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