Christmas Crime Story Page #3

the hope diamond, buddy.

You can always buy a new one.

- If I had left it there, it

would have been suspicious.

- Well, body-checking a cop

is pretty suspicious too.

Don't you think?

I don't think Sleeping Beauty

is gonna wake up

from that one, mm-mm.

- Shut the f*** up.

- Oh, testy, huh?

That's what I love

about you, Davy.

You hit all the stages,

boom, boom, boom, boom.

One after the other.

What, huh?

You should be happy.

Acceptance is the final stage.

- No more f***ing

chat, shut the f*** up!

- Why you getting

all riled up, huh?

I mean, you should

be grateful, dick.

- Oh, f***.

- We better get her out of here.

She looks so peaceful,

don't you think?

All right, let's roll.

I bet you 20 bucks

I find it first.

- I don't

even own a shovel.

- Of course you do.

It's one of those

things everyone has

stashed away somewhere.

Aha, and I'm the type of guy

who's gonna say, I told you so.

- Let's go.

- Hold on a second.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's nice.

- Are you f***ing crazy?

- Ha, hardly.

- I'm not

chopping her up.

- So, look.

We go out there, dig a

hole, we'll put her in.

- Right.

- Then, we'll cut her

into teeny, tiny pieces.

- I'm not doing

that, I told you,

I'm not cutting

her up, all right?

Jesus!

- See, this is why I hate

hanging out with you, Dave.

You never wanna have no fun.

- Being psychotic is fun to you.

- Well, here's what's psychotic.

You f***ing sitting around

all day watching action movies

and never doing

anything with your life.

- I'm happy.

- Look at you lying.

Nobody could be happy

doing what you do.

- I suppose all things

considered, it's not too bad.

- What would you do if Mommy

and Daddy were still alive

and you didn't have this

nice little nest egg?

You'd be doing the same

f***ing thing you're doing now.

Nothing, nada, ha.

- I can't believe

she did that to me.

Oh, you knew.

- What does he

have that I don't?

- Sense humor, massive cock.

Sounds like me, don't you think?

- Shut the f*** up.

- You better slow down.

You're driving a little

too f***ing fast.

- I'm not.

- You're driving too fast, okay?

See, I told you you

were driving too fast.

- F***.

- I can't f***ing believe you.

- You're distracting me.

- Oh my god.

- Shut the f*** up.

- Oh, geez.

Just be cool, man.

We're not going to jail.

- We are if he find

that f***ing body.

- I'm not going to jail,

hence, we're not

going to jail, get it?

- Don't do anything.

- Oh, trust me.

Hey, you want me to handle this?

'Cause I can play nice.

- I think you've done

enough for one night.

I don't want you

screwing this up.

- Screwing what up, huh?

- Shut up.

- You shut up.

- Turn the

vehicle off, please.

- Yes, sir.

I guess I was wrong.

The diner.

I said there wasn't

gonna be a next time.

- You know how

fast you were going?

- No.

- You could

have killed someone.

- Slow your roll,

Mr. Police Officer.

Close only counts in horseshoes,

grenades, and nuclear war.

- Something funny?

- No, sir.

- You ran a red

light while speeding

in an urban center, and

you're laughing about it.

- I'm not.

I wasn't paying attention,

I'm really, really sorry.

- Don't apologize to this prick.

Take him out so we can

get back to business.

- What do

you do with those?

- Those, just some

side work I do.

Irrigation, stuff like that.

- License

and registration.

- Oh, this must be serious.

Officer of the law,

emotion forbidden.

- What's that?

- I don't know.

- Pop the trunk, now.

- You should take him

out for your own good.

Take him out.

Take him out.

You heard him.

- Now!

- Now's not the time to ponder

your shitty life choices, okay?

All right, let's go.

- I'm sorry.

This is not working

out, you, me, us.

- Breaking up with me, Davy?

- I'm serious.

Every time I listen to

you, things turn to sh*t.

- Well, whose fault is that?

Yours or mine?

- Mine.

I don't wanna see you anymore.

I want you to go away.

- You just can't wish me

into a cornfield, Davy.

Doesn't work that way.

- But I can sure as hell try.

- You'll die without me.

- No.

Ever since the beginning,

I just wanted to

do the right thing.

I find someone who truly makes

me happy and you blow that.

You can't stand the fact

that you're not the most

important thing in my life.

I have things I want

that don't include you.

Maybe,

maybe one day

things will change.

But they won't until

you give me some space.

Just for a while, okay?

Just for a while.

Just for a while, please.

Okay.

Okay.

Goodbye, Vince.

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah,

hallelujah, hallelujah

- You're welcome.

- You're late.

- Dude, whatever.

Are you the guy or not?

I don't got time for this sh*t.

- I'm the guy.

I never shake the devil's hand.

You realize I was

about two seconds

from walking out that door?

- No chains on that booth.

- No money at yours.

- It's coming.

- Is it gonna be here sometime

between now and New Year's?

- Have faith.

- In you?

Not in your f***ing life.

So, what kept you?

- Traffic.

- A lot of traffic

on that sidewalk?

- Being in a hurry is

not a big priority to me.

- That I can work with.

- So?

Are we doing this?

- If I get my money.

So long as we're

clear on that fact.

- That's not clear for a second.

We haven't discussed a price

yet, just your startup cash.

- And?

- And how much is it?

- Does it matter?

If I told you it were a

million dollars right now,

you'd find a way.

- I don't know where

I'd find a million.

- The same place you're

gonna find 38 grand.

- Oh, wow.

That's a little higher

than I expected.

I was thinking five, maybe 10.

- You thought wrong.

My usual fee, 25.

Plus a 50% markup 'cause

I just don't like you.

Totals 38.

- I don't know if

I can swing that.

- You'll find a way.

Wouldn't wanna waste

my time or anything.

- Not if I can help it.

- See?

You're lying again.

Trust me, dishonesty

doesn't suit you.

10 minutes.

- I don't know

what's keeping him.

- Him?

- My contact.

- Okay, well, does

nebulous contact

know you're on the clock, right?

- He's gonna get you your money.

- I'm a patient person.

Tolerant, even.

But there's a big difference

between patient

with a first-timer

and a client who's

a disorganized,

- Gold digger?

- No gal pays someone

else to off their spouse

unless there's a pot of gold

at the end of the rainbow.

Just pointing that out.

- Still, it doesn't matter.

I'm your client and

you work for me.

- Not till I take

your money, I don't.

I'm walking at 6:30,

money or not, got me?

6:
21, plenty of time.

- And I prefer not to spend

it in this shithole diner.

- Sorry for the delay.

I was a little tied up.

You guys ready to order?

- Not hungry.

- We're gonna be open

for a little bit,

in case you change your mind.

- It's okay.

I suspect I'll be

leaving pretty soon.

- And you?

- Maybe later.

- Maybe later, then.

- I'm gonna head to the

little girls' room, okay?

- Good, get lost.

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