Christmas Crime Story Page #4

- You got this.

You're fronting the money,

you're taking the risk.

We're doing things my way.

I'm not gonna let

you push me around.

My money, my deal.

I demand a better deal.

I'm getting a better deal.

- Thought you fell in.

- New price, 10 grand, and

it's not up for discussion.

- What the hell

happened in there?

- I think it's fair.

- And this is your expert

opinion about these matters?

- I know what's right is right.

- There you go waving

that word around again.

- I gave you a chance

to do the right thing.

You didn't, now I have to.

- You wouldn't the right thing

if some fellow stuck

it in your G-string.

- Been checking on me?

- Hey, I don't judge.

- Can we turn on the

AC in here, please?

- It's busted.

- Of course it is.

- What?

Can't take the heat?

- What do you do with

the money anyways?

You stack it in a

safe or something?

Hang on to it for a rainy day?

- Why are you having

me waste your beloved?

- The dude is f***ing cuckoo.

- Guys are simple.

I had this job a

couple years back.

Guy wanted me to

take out his wife.

You know, whatever, standard

job, get it all the time.

This bald, lanky, Coke-bottle

glasses wearing motherf***er

would spend his whole

day sitting on his ass

playing computer games.

His wife was an

obstetrician, pretty gal.

Never made the runway,

but from what I hear,

her IQ is the 4th percentile.

She would have been going

places, not for that long.

So one day they

have an argument.

One thing leads to another

and she put the proverbial

gun to his head and says,

"You got two choices,

get a job or get out."

So, he gave me a call.

- Did you do it?

- Didn't have to.

The guy up and keeled over

the day before we

were supposed to meet.

Pulmonary embolism.

Turns out you can only sit

on your ass for so long

before life catches up with you.

- And why are you

so happy about it?

The guy died.

- Two reasons, his

death was no big loss,

and his wife kept up

her end of the bargain.

To death do them part.

I still keep tabs on

her from time to time.

She's doing better.

- Would you have done it?

- If he hadn't curled?

I think about that sometimes.

- What's your family

think of what you do?

They must be so proud.

- A lot of people

hate their jobs.

But they still do them.

I'm no different.

- He's here.

- He's not here until he's here.

Three.

Two.

Nah, you know what?

I'm not even gonna ask.

I don't care.

Go ahead, Romeo, scratch away.

- Nothing.

- I'm gonna consider

this a victory.

It's been a pleasure.

It hasn't.

- We're not done yet.

- You're entitled

to your opinion.

- Thank you, Jason.

- I like your lap dog.

He knows when to

keep his mouth shut.

- This is a big operation.

I don't know what

to tell you, Randy,

but we don't exactly need

Santas after Christmas.

- It's Randall.

Don't call me Randy.

And yeah, I get it,

but come on, Barrett.

- Look, I like

you, I always have.

But revenues are down.

You know if I had something

it would be yours,

you know that.

But there's no money.

No money, no jobs.

- I appreciate that, but--

- No buts.

That's it.

Look, if anything opens up,

you're at the top of my list.

Till then.

- So where does that leave me?

- Somewhere else.

- You know, I just,

I don't accept that.

I will do anything, anything.

I'll pick up garbage

with a pointy stick.

- Hey, I had to let go of

three maintenance workers

just last week.

- Do you remember that story

on the news a while back

about the, I don't

know, it was like,

78 people stood in line all day

for a temp job washing dishes?

- Yeah, sure.

- Guys with degrees got

passed over for that.

What chance do I have out there

with things like that going on?

- I couldn't tell ya.

But you're resourceful.

I have faith in ya.

- I can't buy food

with faith, Barrett.

- Yeah, I know.

- Fine.

I'll just knock off

a bank or something,

maybe that will keep my family

fed for a couple of weeks.

- Don't talk like that.

You don't mean that.

It's counterproductive.

You're a good man, you work

hard, you'll find a job.

- We'll see.

- Yeah, it's Barrett.

Hey, hon, no.

Yeah, no, no.

That's fine.

Yeah, no, nothing

really that important.

Hold on a sec.

Hey, just bring that outfit

back when you get a chance,

all right?

No rush, Randy.

Mm-hmm.

- You never agreed

to my condition.

- Still sore over that?

- If you're not doing

it, hand over my bag.

- Yours?

Sh*t!

You are delusional.

What constitutes yours?

I want this, so it's mine.

Why did he not go

over to get it anyway?

'Cause he sure as f***

didn't scrape it together

by his lonesome.

- Couldn't tell ya.

- Sure, just like you

don't know whether or not

you're gonna dump

your little boy toy

the second you get all

your dead bull's money.

- You're so clever, aren't you?

- See you in Lyon, I'll

bring the croissants.

- The bag stays.

- You realize there's

no going back now.

- Change the price.

- All right, 10 grand.

- Good.

I'd ask you to shake on it,

but I know how

you feel about it.

Here's to hoping we

never speak again.

- De gratia.

- Hey.

So, get any good shots?

- Couple.

- They're gonna

make you rich and famous?

- I doubt I'll be

as famous as Avedon,

but it's an interesting hobby.

- Randy!

Don't!

Dry cleaning!

- Don't call me Randy!

- I was serious, man!

You mess that up, I'll have to

send you the bill, all right?

- You know what?

You don't like what I'm doing

to your precious

little f***ing outfit?

Then you go ahead and bill me.

You bought it on clearance

at Sears, fake f***ing suit!

Don't look at me that way!

- Merry f***ing Christmas!

What is it about

this time of year

Keeps us so happy

and on a cheer

Wherever you go

there's people smiling

'Cause it's Christmastime

And we're feeling fine

Share a little

bit of magic with me

Whistle throughout the land

Christmas is a time

when the love light shines

Go on and build

that big snowman

Share a little

bit of magic with me

Whistle throughout the land

Christmas is a time

when the love light shines

Watching the snow

flakes melt in my hand

What is it about

this time of year

The firelight

warms away our fears

Sharing the songs

that ring inside us

'Cause it's Christmastime

And we're feeling fine

Share a little

bit of magic with me

Whistle throughout the land

- So your lady friend

is running late, huh?

- Yeah.

Hoping she doesn't show.

- Nervous about it?

- Can I get a glass

of orange juice?

- Sure.

I hope you don't mind me

prying, it's just my nature.

Christmas is a time

when the love light shines

Watching the snow

flakes melt in my hand

- You're a little early, Santa.

- Any chance you're hiring?

- Mm, no.

- Ever?

- Times are tough, but

I can see what I can do.

Don't run off with that

pen, that's my favorite.

You okay?

I mean, for real?

- Sure.

It's just been a

tough couple weeks.

- Yeah, I hear ya.

Well, don't rush,

take your time.

- Yeah, people keep

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes