Christmas Cupid Page #3

stuck out in the middle of

nowhere, working as a cashier

at a Pick 'n Save, while

you're at your classes?

What kind of life

would that have been?

You better get that.

I guess I better.

I know, I know. You're

startled by my good looks.

Okay. You are not

really here.

No, no. This is a figment

of my imagination,

caused by too

much stress.

Who are you trying to

convince here, you or me?

Leave me alone!

Damn. Does he

do Pilates? Yum.

Go away!

Wow! That's a nice way

to start the day.

No. I mean, yes, maybe later.

Go back to sleep.

Mmm. I can't breathe.

Honey?

That never gets old.

What do you want?

I told you. I was sent

to give you a warning.

"Change your ways,

or suffer the consequences."

Sent by who? God?

The universe?

Freaking Tom Cruise?

Yeah, I wasn't really

paying attention.

Why not?

I thought I saw

Michael Jackson.

Morning, babe.

A little early for

vodka, don't you think?

It's not mine. It's hers.

It's Caitlin's.

Yeah. He can't see me,

you know.

Look.

Uh...

It's in...

It's in honor

of Caitlin.

Doesn't seem like

she's really gone.

Oh, honey. I can't

believe it either.

She was so young

and full of life and...

Hey, coffee's ready!

The good news is, I have

decided to put you in charge

of Caitlin's

memorial service.

Yes!

Uh, so how is

that good news?

Pulling off a good funeral is like

the litmus test for a PR agent.

Yup. This could get you a

lock on that promotion.

Sure can. And since you're already

working on the premiere party,

it'll be cake.

Cake.

Besides, I only deal

with living clients.

Dead ones don't

generate revenue.

What a jerk!

Ooh! That was

kind of fun.

Don't!

Don't what?

Um...

Put your coffee cup

on the counter, please.

Wow. Okay.

I've got an early meeting,

so I'm gonna run,

but I will see you

at the office.

Okay, you've had your fun,

you've given me your warning, will

you just please go away, already?

Sorry.

Garlic? I'm a ghost,

Sloane, not a vampire.

You're a pain in the ass!

Now, get out!

Mmm, I don't think so.

Until you actually heed my

warning, you're stuck with me.

Okay, I'll heed your

warning right now.

Just tell me what

I gotta do.

Change your ways.

Change...

Change them how?

To be better.

Okay. What do you need me to do?

Specifically.

See, that's the other thing. I was in the

bathroom when they explained that part.

Tiny bladder.

This is so unfair.

You die, and I'm in hell.

Nice apartment.

Oh! Hold the

elevator, please.

Oh, sir, your briefcase!

What the...

Wait, wait.

Hey!

Morning.

Are you sure you don't want

to just wait in my office?

By myself? Yawn.

Fine. Not a word.

Really nice work, guys.

That's exactly the kind of event

that we were looking for.

So sorry I'm late,

everyone, I was

dealing with Caitlin

all morning.

We were just getting to her.

Have a seat.

Hey! Respect for

the dead, missy!

You do realize this party needs to go

on as planned, Caitlin or no Caitlin.

Yes, of course.

I'm on top of it.

Oh, really? Because you missed your

meeting with the caterers this morning.

Oh, my God.

I completely forgot.

Don't worry. I will go

call them right now.

Sit back down.

Jason already handled it.

You're welcome.

Now, even though

our client has expired

before fulfilling her

three picture deal,

she can still

generate revenue.

I remember '63...

Oh, Carl!

Your old wrinkled hands

would feel so good

on my young, firm...

Back off!

I'm so bored.

I thought we were going to be

talking about my memorial.

It's not a memorial,

it's a party.

Sloane, you have

something to add?

Well, since they're doing a

memorial service for Caitlin...

For Caitlin.

And since we're handling

the premiere party

why don't we just

combine them

to make them

one big event?

Her tragedy...

Her tragedy will become

a brilliant photo op.

That is a great idea!

You know, movie stars

love opportunities

to make the public think they

actually care about people,

and if we spin this right, we could get

every A-lister in town to show up.

What do you think, Dad?

I love it! We'll turn Caitlin's

death into a gold mine!

That's exactly what Caitlin

would have wanted.

We'll make Saturday an

all-day media extravaganza.

It will be the biggest

PR event of the year.

Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna need everyone to work

overtime between now and then, okay?

But Saturday's

Christmas.

You said we could

take the day off.

That was before I decided

I needed you to work.

But we won't get to

see our families.

Our client is dead.

Try and have

a little heart.

All right.

Let's make this happen.

Hey, Sloane.

I know you've got a lot

on your plate right now,

so after I met

with the caterers,

I confirmed the party

with all the networks.

Well, you're just wasting your

time because I already did that.

I was just waiting for them

to call me back, so...

Oh, it wasn't a waste of time.

See, Carl was getting worried,

so I figured somebody

around here needed to

stop waiting

and start doing.

Have a productive day.

Did you see the way that Jason sabotaged

me with that whole catering thing?

He was helping you.

Yeah, right.

There's only one VP slot

opening up in the new year,

and he's trying to

steal it from me.

But he better watch out because

I am going to throw the most

talked about,

star-studded event ever!

Awesome. How?

I have no idea.

Good plan.

I have three days!

Jason's right.

I'm screwed.

Sloane, do you want

to do some yoga?

Yoga?

No, I'm too stressed.

It's just a party.

It was. Now, we got to turn it into

a celebration of your entire life!

Good thing I died young.

I have to make a

career retrospective,

make blowups of the stills of all

the movies that you've been in,

find other stars to make

touching anecdotes about you,

if they even

have one.

And figure out a way to make "death

by cocktail garnish" seem dignified.

It's three days

before Christmas.

No one's in

their office.

And even we don't have direct

numbers to celebrities.

But I do.

What is this thing?

Aluminum man.

You paid money

for this?

Sloane, I'm a movie star.

Disposable income?

All right. Where did you say

I could find these keys?

Under one of those

little rocks.

Uh, yeah.

That's really helpful.

You know, I feel kind of guilty

breaking into your house like this.

Shouldn't your parents be coming

over to take care of your things?

Oh, both my parents

are dead.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, apparently

it's hereditary.

So, what's going to

happen with your stuff?

You know, maybe I should

give some of it to my charity.

Right. Your charity.

No, seriously.

...as the new spokeswoman

for Project Pearly Whites,

I am thrilled to announce

that we have already donated

over 5,000 tooth-bleaching kits

to the children of Uzbekistan.

They may be refugees, but now they

have something to smile about.

That way, my legacy will live on

in their hearts and gums forever.

Got it!

Wait. How did you...

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