Christmas Cupid Page #4

Hello? Sloane, hey.

It's Patrick.

Patrick. Hi!

Um... What's up?

You know, I know you were

pretty upset last night.

Caitlin seemed like

an awesome girl.

Aw!

I just wanted to make sure

you were doing okay.

Oh, yeah. I'm fine.

I mean, considering.

It's really sweet

of you to call.

I must have seemed like

a total lunatic last night.

Not to me, you didn't.

You still into

country line dancing?

I know this great place

in the valley.

What? Wait, wait, wait. When was I

ever into country line dancing?

Try all through college.

No. Uh-uh.

That was you.

You were into

line dancing.

I only went along with it because

I thought the boots were hot.

Okay.

Well, you know, they also have really

great tacos. You still like those?

Yes, I still like tacos.

All right.

Then how about it, huh?

Say I'll pick you up around,

I don't know, 8:
00?

You wear the sexy boots, and I'll

wear the oversized cowboy hat.

Great. I mean...

Yeah. Well, maybe.

You know, I have to

check my schedule.

Can I call you back and

then we'll, you know...

It sounds like a plan.

Oh, great.

Okay, thanks. Bye.

What was that?

What?

Why didn't you make

a date with him?

I'm dating Andrew.

Hello.

Please. Patrick is so

much better than Andrew.

You're just saying that

because he complimented you.

No. I like him

because he's funny,

he's gorgeous and

he smells like cake.

I know. He does, right?

Stop. Anything with Patrick

and I is all in the past.

I'm happy with Andrew.

But Patrick...

Look. You want me to

change my ways?

Well then, help me out with pulling off

this party and getting that promotion,

and that will change

my entire life.

Fine.

There. That ought

to do it.

I have got the phone numbers of

everyone who's anyone in Hollywood.

Now you do, too.

Now don't you feel bad for

yelling at me to go away before?

I do. I'm sorry.

You should be sorry! Sucka!

Okay, I've texted,

emailed, tweeted, and IM-ed

every big name in town.

I... Ah, that's it

for me tonight.

I'm going to go home

and get some sleep.

But it's almost midnight.

So?

I told you.

You are going to be

visited by three ghosts

at the stroke of midnight

for the next three nights.

You know, I really should

have won Best Actress.

Wait, so you mean...

You mean the crap you said in my

apartment last night was true?

What, you think I came

back from the grave

to hook you up

with Brangelina?

I am so not in the mood

to meet Casper tonight.

What? Where are we?

Why are you taking

your shoes off?

Oh, I miss the feeling of

fake grass beneath my toes.

Okay. What in the world

is going on right now?

The clock just

struck 12:
00.

Are we ready? Yes, we are!

Yes, yes, yes we do!

We got spirit,

how about you?

Oh, my God, is that...

That looks like Brad!

He was my first

boyfriend.

Well, my first

everything.

You slut!

You! Put! Out!

She! Put! Out!

Okay, but what in the world

is he be doing here?

Well, since I came here to

help you change your ways

by fixing

your love life

instead of the traditional, ordinary,

boring ghosts like they have in Dickens,

I've arranged for you to be visited by

the spirits of three ex-boyfriends.

Wait a minute.

Are you telling me that

Brad is the Ghost of

Christmas Past?

Actually, as your ex-boyfriend,

he's the Ghost of Ex-mas Past!

I have got to cheer.

Merry Ex-Mas!

All right!

That's what

I'm talking about.

Wow! Brad, I can't

believe it's really you.

Oh, my God,

are you dead?

Yes, and it's

because of you.

I guess you can die

from a broken heart.

I'm just kidding! I'm not the

actual Brad that you dated,

I'm just his spirit.

The real Brad you know

is alive and well, I swear.

So why do you

look like him?

To help you emotionally

access your past

because, to you, Brad represents

an idealized view of love.

It took me, like,

an hour to memorize that.

Since you and Brad

dated so long ago,

I thought he'd be the perfect

ex-boyfriend to show you your past.

I know you.

You're in Blood Prom!

You're the one

who got decapitated.

Sorority sister

number two.

That was the first movie

I ever did.

You were awesome

in that.

I saw your b*obs.

Congrats.

Ghost of Brad,

meet Ghost of Caitlin.

I hope you don't mind if I

tag along with you guys.

Technically, I'm not supposed to

horn in on the other ghosts' time,

but I got bored.

That's cool, you should stay.

Hang out with us.

Yeah. It'll be a blast!

Yeah, it will.

Ready to get started?

Do I have a choice?

No.

No.

Oh, my God,

that's me and my mom!

Oh, you were so cute.

What happened?

This is where

it all started.

Okay, now, sweetie.

what's the golden rule?

"It's just as easy

to marry a rich man

"as it is to marry

a poor one."

Good girl.

See, it's not really your

fault you're so shallow.

You were just taught

from a very young age.

Oh, so we're blaming all

my problems on my mother?

Well, guess what,

I'm nothing like her.

Are you kidding?

You're exactly like her.

Hey, Sloane. Can I talk

to you for a second?

Hi, Darin,

what's up?

You know the Snowflake

Formal is next week...

I know,

I can't wait.

Yeah, me neither.

Oh, are you going?

No. I mean, not yet.

I mean, I want to.

Which is why I'm here.

See, I've always

really liked you...

Oh, my God,

here comes me!

Oh, my God,

here comes Brad.

Hey, Sloane, want to

go to the dance?

I was hoping you'd ask.

Dude, you totally

crotch-blocked him.

That was sweet.

Take a picture,

it'll last longer.

Who was that guy?

So, are you going to

rent a limo?

Totally.

See that?

This was the first time

you left a guy hanging when

someone better came along.

Not the last, though.

I cannot believe

Mike finally called you!

I know!

Okay, I've been crushing

on him for, like, ever.

So I need to wear

something hot,

maybe a little bit slutty,

so that when we go out...

He'll want to stay in.

Exactly!

Yes!

Okay, what do you

have in mind?

Okay, ideally, I would

like to find something

exactly like your

worship-me dress.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

But under 10 bucks.

Oh, what?

I know. I maxed out my Visa

getting a plane ticket home,

so I am broke.

Well, luckily for you, I know a

little store called Sloane's Closet.

And I think you'll find exactly

what you want in there.

You'll let me borrow

your worship-me dress?

Although, I'm sure if

you're wearing the dress,

I'm gonna have to keep the dorm

room cleared out for the night.

Shut up.

You know, you're really

lucky you have Patrick

because he would worship you

even if you were in a paper bag.

I am pretty lucky,

aren't I?

Oh, well, speaking of

clearing out...

Hi.

Oh, hey, babe.

Hey.

Hi, Jenny.

Hi, Patrick.

Oh, how sweet. It's the

guy you dumped me for!

I dumped you because

I was going to college

and you were staying back

to work in a tollbooth.

See? Trading up.

Okay, I'm gonna go.

Bye.

Bye.

Okay, colored lights

or red lights on the tree?

Colored. And blinking.

With at least one

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