Christmas in Connecticut Page #5

Like you're on a ship,

away from everything...

...rolling soft and smooth

over the open sea.

Well, then you get to thinking

slow and calm.

Get it? That's the ocean rock.

- I never thought of that before.

- There's the horseback rock.

When you can't sit still,

you gotta be doing something...

...and you rock like this, very fast.

Then the lazy rock.

When there's something

across the room...

...and you're too lazy to get up

and get it...

...well, you just rock over

and get it.

Only chair in the world you can cross

the room without getting up.

I never know there was so much

to a rocking chair.

Won't you take off your things?

Gosh, your house is wonderful.

I got all the back copies

of the magazine and read them...

...so I'd know about you

before I got up here.

We've read all about you too.

It was swell of you to have me up here.

We're very proud to have you here.

Lizka, what's...? What's that?

The baby, of course.

Baby, so quick?

He woke up rather early.

It must be time for something.

- Could be.

- Oh, I know.

- It's time for the baby's bath.

- Is it?

- Yes. I read all about it in your articles.

- Oh, yes, it is.

They're awfully cute in the tub.

Yes, aren't they?

- Well...

- Do you mind if I watch?

Watch?

Oh, no.

- Felix.

- You stay in there. Everything is fine.

- Where did they go?

- They are going to wash the baby.

Good heavens. Both of them?

- Anything wrong?

- Wrong? Oh, no. No, nothing at all.

I'm sorry, judge. I'm afraid we'll

have to postpone the ceremony.

Oh, that's all right. Any time.

Look, judge. I make you a nice martini.

Good? Two martinis, judge.

Two Manhattans.

Two Manhattans.

Well, all set.

Maybe I shouldn't bathe him today.

It's rather cold.

Don't they have to be bathed every day?

No, no. That's the old-fashioned idea.

Oh, gosh. You're not gonna

disappoint me, are you?

Oh, no, I guess not.

- He's a cute one.

- Yes.

- What's his name?

- His name?

Robert. Robert.

Oh, that's a nice name.

Does he talk yet?

No, no.

Does he like his baths?

Oh, yes, he loves them.

I think.

Shall I...? Shall I test the water for you?

Oh, yes, please.

I always test the water.

You seem to know something

about bathing a baby.

Oh, yes. I used to bathe

my sister's kids.

You did?

Oh, sure. Lots of times.

- Really?

- It's okay.

I'm an expert.

My sister's babies got so used to me...

...they'd raise the roof

if I didn't take over at bath time.

Oh, isn't that wonderful?

- You mean you're gonna let me?

- Oh, well, if you're real careful.

Oh, sure.

Come on, skipper. Come on, skipper.

We're gonna get along great.

Yeah, yeah.

Hurry up. Here we go.

Into the drink. Yup, yup.

Oh, there we are.

Did you say the baby's name was Robert?

Yes.

No, no. Roberta.

- Soap?

- Soap, there.

- Sponge?

- Sponge.

We never use one. It isn't sanitary. Here.

Oh, it's such a relief to have

someone else do it for a change.

It gets sort of monotonous

bathing him... Her...

...day after day after day...

Hey, take it easy there, princess.

You're rocking the boat.

- Soap.

- Roberta! How naughty of you.

Here, I'll wipe it off.

There. That all right?

Over here.

- There.

- Thanks.

Oh, Roberta. She's eating the soap.

What'll I do?

- That won't hurt her. They all do it.

- Oh, really?

You'd make a wonderful father,

Mr. Jones.

You're not married yourself,

by any chance, are you?

No. The cards are stacked

against me, I guess.

Every time I meet a girl I like,

it turns out she's already married.

Oh, that's too bad.

But you would get married

if you found someone you liked...

...who wasn't married?

Well, it must be pretty nice

to have a home to come to...

...and a little lady like this.

She doesn't look like you.

Does she look like your husband?

Good heavens, no.

I knew I should regret this.

- Me also.

- Hurry. Yardley will be here at any moment.

Go into the kitchen, get the drinks

for the judge, and in the meantime...

...l'll keep him entertained.

- Are you ready yet?

- No, not quite. Just a few more minutes.

I hope it won't be long. I've gotta

get home and trim my Christmas tree.

Trim your Christmas tree, eh?

Then I'm going to hang up my stocking.

- Oh, quick! Get back in there.

- Well, look, look.

No, not now.

I'm sorry, judge, I'm sorry.

- How do you do? I'm Alexander Yardley.

- Yes, yes. How do you do?

- I'm John Sloan.

- Is Mrs. Lane in?

Mrs. Lane? You mean Mrs. Sloan.

I'm Mr. Sloan.

- Elizabeth Lane's husband?

- Yes. That's... Yes, that's right.

Elizabeth Lane's husband.

Come in, won't you?

- Thank you.

- Well, I'm...

- I'm delighted to see you, Mr. Yardley.

- The pleasure's all mine, Mr. Sloan.

It was considerate of your wife

to ask me. Where is the little lady?

Oh, she's bathing the baby,

and I think Mr. Jones is helping her.

Well, well, that's what

I call real hospitality.

Taking the poor lad

right into your domestic life.

I am deeply touched, deeply touched.

Your wife's a wonderful woman.

- Thank you. May I take these?

- Why, certainly.

And have your coat?

- Well, it's just about time to feed her.

- Feed her? Oh, yes.

Well, you do this,

and I'll go get her dinner.

Okay.

Well, princess...

...how we doing, huh?

Yeah.

Here we are.

Elizabeth, darling.

Oh, merry Christmas, Mr. Yardley.

Merry Christmas, my dear Mrs. Lane.

Or rather, Mrs. Sloan.

It's a great privilege, a great privilege.

I have been admiring your charming room.

It's exactly as you described it. But...

Where is the spinning wheel?

- The spinning wheel?

- Oh, yes, the spinning wheel.

- You wrote about it last month.

- Yes, it's...

Oh, it's out being repaired.

You know how antiques are.

Oh, yes, of course.

But what a delightful room.

Such a magnificent fireplace.

I like a good, generous fireplace.

- Makes a room so friendly and warm.

- Yes, indeed.

Yes, I specialize in fireplaces,

Mr. Yardley.

I will never allow any of my clients

to plan without one.

But we don't depend entirely

on the fireplace to warm the house.

- No?

- Oh, no, no. I should say not.

No, we have unit heat, and each

heating pipe has a triple-wall jacket...

...and all the outside walls

are double insulated.

- How interesting.

- Yes. It is. Isn't it?

Well, here we are, Mommy.

All dressed and ready for chow.

Mr. Yardley, this is Mr. Jones.

Mighty proud to meet you, Jones.

- Thank you very much, sir.

- And this is my husband.

- How do you do?

- How do you do?

- It's a mighty fine baby you have, Mr. Lane.

- Sloan is the name.

Well, well, what a cherub.

Oh, there, there.

That's no way to treat a stranger.

I'll take it. I'll have Nora feed it tonight.

Lizka, he looks good on you.

Better than a mink coat, even.

- Felix, how I need one of those.

- No, no, no, no. For the judge.

Oh, Mr. Yardley, this is my uncle Felix.

Merry Christmas. Same to you.

Oh, and how very thoughtful of you, sir.

Excuse me, dear.

Speaking of fireplaces, Mr. Yardley...

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