Christmas in Connecticut Page #6

...l'd like to show you

a little ingenious thing I've invented.

- I brought you other one with two cherries.

- Thank you very much...

...but I can't wait. I've gotta get home

and trim my Christmas tree.

- I tell them you come back later.

- Why, yes. Of course. I don't live very far.

Just a little ways down the road.

They can call me.

- Here. Here's my card.

- That's very nice, very nice.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

This way, please.

Come, come, come, come, come.

Out the window?

Oh, a shortcut, huh?

- Why, thank you.

- Don't mention it. It's a pleasure.

Merry Christmas.

Mothproof closets, filtered ventilation

and indirect lighting.

I've introduced all modern conveniences,

without sacrificing the traditionals.

Splendid, splendid. And I suppose

Elizabeth contributed her ideas.

Elizabeth? Oh, yes.

No, no. I should say not.

I'm the architect.

I never allow anyone

to interfere with my plans.

- Oh, Felix?

- Yes?

- Everything okay?

- Hunky-dunky.

Now I go to the kitchen and make a

wonderful dinner, like you never had before.

But I thought Mrs. Sloan

was going to cook the dinner.

Uncle Felix is going to help me.

Actually, I've taught him

everything he knows.

And he always uses my recipes.

Don't you?

He thought it'd be nice to relieve me in the

kitchen so I'd have time with my guests.

That's very thoughtful of him.

But if you'll forgive my saying so...

...I won't feel the same as if you

had cooked it, Mrs. Sloan.

Believe me, you will feel much better.

Nice voice, that boy.

Yes.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Don't stop.

American Housekeeping,

that's our competitor.

They imitate us in all departments.

Format, layout and contributors.

Now they've instituted a Betty Kane

column, a complete steal on Elizabeth Lane.

Imitation is the sincerest flattery.

That is not all.

Betty Kane is going to have a baby.

- No.

- Yes, sir.

- We've got to nip it in the bud.

- The baby?

I'll tell you how we can kill

two birds with one stone.

- Murder.

- My dear sir.

Last May, our circulation

jumped 200,000.

Think of it, 200,000 new readers

with one issue.

- Do you know why?

- I can't imagine. Another brandy?

Thank you.

Because your wife had a baby.

She did? I mean, we did?

Twenty-three pages

of new advertisements, all baby food.

Her fan mail went up 100 percent.

A hundred percent. Think of it.

Other new mothers all over

the country were interested.

That is the key of my success

in the magazine field.

Human interest, home appeal.

Do you follow me?

- Yes. Go ahead. It's very interesting.

- One baby, 200,000.

Two babies, 400,000.

Babies boost circulation.

Now, Betty Kane is going to have

her baby in September.

We can steal their thunder

and boost circulation at the same time...

...if we beat her to it.

- Beat her to it?

- Have another baby, Sloan.

Have another baby. Any hopes?

Mr. Yardley, Elizabeth's

a very busy woman.

And having babies to boost

your circulation takes time.

Take all the time you need, my dear sir,

all the time you need.

Well, thank you.

- Yes, Nora?

- Telephone for you, Mr. Sloan.

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Yardley.

Hello? Oh, hello, judge.

Yes, I'm glad you called.

What? Fifteen minutes? Oh, my goodness.

Yes, indeed. Absolutely. All right.

Well, I'll arrange everything.

Okay. Goodbye.

Well, my children, I guess it's bedtime.

We retire early on the farm.

Come along, Elizabeth.

John, it's Christmas Eve.

The judge will be here in 15 minutes.

I'm just about ready to turn in.

Nothing like a good dinner

to make a man sleepy.

I'm very grateful to you

for your hospitality, Mrs. Sloan.

- You're welcome.

- I'll just turn out the lights, dear.

- Good night, everybody.

- Good night.

Good night, Mr. Yardley.

I hope you sleep well.

I shall in that

fine old colonial four-poster.

Good night, Mrs. Sloan.

Good night, Jones.

Good night, Mr. Yardley.

Well, good night, Mrs. Sloan.

Good night, Mr. Jones.

Good night, Nora.

Good night.

Well, of all the brazen...

Right in front of me very eyes.

Well, I arranged that very

neatly, didn't I, dear?

Yes, you did.

And to think that in 15 minutes

we shall be man and wife.

Come.

Nora, where are you going?

Mr. Sloan, I've been working

for you five years...

...and never did I believe that you'd be

the kind of a man that...

Of course, I'm not blaming you entirely.

It's the woman that leads

the man astray.

- What are you talking about?

- I'm quitting.

Christmas or no Christmas, I'm quitting.

You can't leave.

We need you as a witness.

The judge will be here in a few moments

to perform the ceremony.

Oh, saints of mercy,

what have I been saying at all?

Oh, Miss Lane, I didn't mean it.

I apologize.

Oh, glory be, I could bite

me wicked tongue out, so I could.

Never mind, Nora. It's all right.

Bless your heart. I might've known

you weren't the kind that would...

- But it's just that I...

- Oh, forget it, Nora.

Thank you, miss.

I'm sure 'tis all the luck in the world...

...I do be wishing you both.

- Thanks.

Well, I'll go and take

me things off now.

- Judge.

- Hello.

- Mighty nice of you to come back again.

- Not at all, Sloan, not at all.

My conscience wouldn't let me rest

until you two were married.

Good evening, Miss Lane.

Good evening.

Come along, Elizabeth.

The judge hasn't much time.

Well, come on, dear.

Let's go into the den.

It's more private there.

Look out. Quick, someone's coming.

Come on, quick.

Hello.

Well, how did you get down here?

Down the back stairs.

I'm still catching up

with my nourishment.

Have a drumstick.

Don't mind if I do.

Nice cold Chablis.

Nothing like it with a drumstick.

How about it?

I wish I could. A good bender

might make me feel better.

I suppose an experience like yours

leaves a fellow wobbly, eh?

Mr. Yardley...

...do you think Mrs. Sloan

is happy with her husband?

Why, certainly.

He's a nice, sensible chap...

...steady, conscientious, successful.

Yeah, I guess that kind

does make a good husband.

Indubitably, my boy, indubitably.

A fine couple.

- What's he doing now?

- I don't know. He's still in the kitchen.

- I hear voices.

- We can't wait any longer.

Let's get on with the ceremony.

What about witnesses?

- Yes, we must have witnesses.

- I'll get Felix and Nora.

All right, dear. But hurry, hurry.

- Skimmed milk for six weeks...

...you don't know how wonderful

it is to be able...

...to come downstairs and raid an icebox.

- You're telling me?

- I've been on a diet of creamed turnip fluff.

- Why were they picking on you?

- Doctor says I'm too fat.

- Can you imagine that?

I began feeling better the minute

I stopped paying any attention to him.

Mrs. Sloan can certainly roast a chicken.

Cold chicken is my weakness.

- Have some more chicken, sir?

- Thank you.

Oh, hello.

Caught us red-handed, didn't you?

Not at all. I'm glad you feel at home.

- How about a wing?

- No, thank you. I couldn't eat a thing.

- A glass of wine, perhaps?

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