Christmas With The Kranks Page #3

---

-Hold on.

-"Skipping Christmas."

-Yep.

"The home of Mr. and Mrs. Luther Krank

is rather dark this Christmas.

"While their neighbors on Hemlock Street

are decorating and preparing for Santa...

"the Kranks are skipping Christmas.

"They're preparing for a cruise,

according to unnamed sources.

"No tree, no lights,

and no Frosty up on the roof...

"and the only house on Hemlock

to keep Frosty in the basement."

-How do they know where Frosty is?

-They have spies everywhere.

"Hemlock, a frequent winner

in The Gazette Street Decoration Contest...

"finished a disappointing sixth this year.

"'I hope they're satisfied now,'

complained one unidentified neighbor.

"'A rotten display of selfishness,'

said another."

-Who said that?

-Could've been anybody.

How dare they!

What a bunch of losers.

You know what?

You know, I don't think I'm coming back

from this cruise.

Attagirl. Two more days

and we're out of here.

Two more, baby.

Jerks.

-Chocolate milk?

-Sure.

That's mine.

-Regular.

-Sorry I'm late.

Hey. What's wrong?

It's Bev Scheel.

-Could you cover for me?

-Sure.

-What happened?

-She went for a checkup yesterday.

The cancer's back for the third time.

-Has it spread?

-They think so.

That's awful.

This could be her last Christmas.

Sweetheart.

Well, if it isn't old Scrooge himself.

How do you think this photographer

got this shot?

-What photographer?

-The one that took this photograph.

-That one.

-Yeah, that one.

He climbed up.

-On your roof?

-Yeah.

-Why did you do that?

-I don't know.

He said he wanted to get a shot

of the whole street.

At least you're consistent.

I try to be, old man.

-Stop that.

-Stop what?

Stop calling me "old man."

You're, like, 10 years older than me.

-Am I?

-Yeah.

-Prove it.

-Walt.

I just heard about Bev. I am so sorry.

How's she doing?

Remarkably well. In good spirits.

Decorating the house, baking cookies.

Sure. If there's anything we can do,

let me know.

Thanks. I really appreciate that.

They're here for Frosty.

No.

-I'll get it.

-Thank you.

-Good evening, Mr. Krank.

-Good evening, officers.

It's that time of year again.

Your Police Benevolent Association's

out there raising money for the community.

That's great.

You know, Toys for Tots, and we deliver

gift baskets for the underprivileged.

And ice skating for handicapped kids.

Every year, we deliver presents

for the elderly at the nursing homes...

and, of course, our war veterans.

Our big moneymaker is our calendar...

and you buy one every year, so here we are.

We don't need a calendar this year.

What a jerk.

He said he didn't need one.

Thank you for your contribution.

Merry Christmas.

Yeah, Merry Christmas. Good luck with it.

-Merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas.

We're from St. Maria's Lutheran Church

out caroling. Are those folks home?

Yes, they are.

-Are they Jewish?

-No.

-Buddhist or anything?

-No, none of that.

They're just trying

to avoid Christmas this year.

-Do what?

-You heard me. He's kind of weird.

Skipping Christmas so he can

save his money for a cruise.

No.

I think some Christmas cheer

would do them good.

-Really?

-Why don't you go ahead?

All righty then.

Drop.

Down!

Go!

This is fun.

Christmas carolers

right out next to our junipers.

How lovely.

It's not lovely. They're trespassing.

Somebody set us up.

-They're not trespassing.

-Yes, they are.

They're on our property.

They weren't invited.

Somebody told them to come.

Scheel or Frohmeyer.

-Christmas carolers are not trespassers.

-I know what I'm talking about here.

-Why don't you have them arrested, then?

-I just may do that.

Call your friends

down at the police department.

-That's funny.

-Not too late to buy a calendar.

This isn't a joke. This is military.

This is SEAL stuff.

I saw it on Discovery Channel.

Come on.

Just sit right here. Here you go. Right here.

There. That's perfect.

Quietest room in the house.

No one can find us down here.

Free Frosty! Free Frosty!

Merry Christmas, Mrs. Krank.

Luther!

"Every Who down in Who-ville

liked Christmas a lot.

"But the Grinch who lived

just north of Who-ville did not.

"The Grinch hated Christmas,

the whole Christmas season.

"Now, please don't ask why,

no one quite knows the reason.

"It could be his head

wasn't screwed on just right.

"It could be, perhaps,

that his shoes were too tight.

"But I think

that the most likely reason of all...

"may have been that his heart

was two sizes too small."

Luther, your face.

-What about it?

-It's like it's frozen or something.

This?

I got a BOTOX injection today.

BOTOX treatment.

They take a big needle

and they inject it into your forehead.

It freezes your face like this.

I read it in a health magazine.

-How long are you gonna be like this?

-This is temporary.

And then you got all your wrinkles are gone.

-You should try this.

-You ought to get your money back.

-I can't live like this anymore.

-What?

We can't go out.

Everywhere we go,

people are whispering behind our backs.

I can't go home. It's too depressing.

I mean, there's no tree and no lights

and no music.

I can't talk to you.

-You're just consumed with yourself.

-That's not true.

-Look how far you've gone.

-Amazing.

-Turning our lawn into an ice rink.

-I can't feel anything.

Somebody could've broken

their leg or their neck.

-You could've put a caroler in the hospital.

-And that would be a bad thing?

I'm kidding.

I know this has been tough on you.

But in just one day, 24 hours,

we'll be on that trip.

And it's all gonna be better. I promise.

I don't know.

Do you think that Blair

will even think about Christmas?

Probably not.

I mean, she's in the rainforest...

and around people who worship trees...

and eat bark and frogs and that sort of stuff.

-You gonna wear that?

-Absolutely.

Nice.

Free Frosty!

I know this is you, Spike. Goodbye.

-Again? How many times is that?

-About five or six times.

Wish I had a snappy comeback

for that smart guy.

-Who cares?

-You're right.

The islands are calling.

-Free Frosty! Free--

-Goodbye, Spike.

-You're a genius.

-Thank you.

-All right, Frosty's dead.

-What? Dad, is that you?

-Wait a minute. Blair?

-Yeah.

Hi. No, that was a joke.

I thought that was somebody from work.

Your mom's getting on the other line,

then we have something fun to tell you.

-Blair.

-Hi, Mommy.

Hi, honey. It's Mommy.

How are you? Where are you?

I'm in Miami,

and I'm coming home for Christmas.

-What?

-Are you guys surprised?

-I'm stunned.

-Surprised.

-We landed about an hour ago.

-That's great!

-What do you mean "we"?

-I have another wonderful surprise.

-Yeah? What is it?

-I'm with Enrique.

-What's a rique?

-Enrique.

He's a doctor. We went to Brown together.

You guys met him a couple of times.

At my dorms and at my graduation.

-Of course.

-I don't remember.

He's Peruvian.

-Great. A Communist.

-Honey!

-Sometimes we called him Rick.

-Rick?

The guy that you went down there

Rate this script:4.5 / 2 votes