Christmas With The Kranks Page #4

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to shack up with.

He lived in a separate hut, Dad.

Hut schmut. I want to see pictures

to prove that.

We've been friends for years.

And he's just so wonderful.

We fell in love while working together...

and he's asked me to marry him.

What?

And I really want to.

Honey!

Enrique has always gone home

for the holidays, so he's...

never celebrated Christmas

in America. And he's so excited.

I told him all about Christmas there.

The tree, the decorations...

Frosty up on the roof. Everything.

Is it snowing, Daddy?

You know,

Enrique has never seen a white Christmas.

No, but I sense a storm coming.

Okay, when do you land?

When do you get in?

-We land at 8:
03.

-Tonight?

Yes, tonight. Just in time

for our big Christmas Eve party.

You are having the party, aren't you, Mom?

Of course we are.

Great! Mom, you are going to love Enrique.

He wants to have a houseful of kids.

Honey!

Oh, Mom, I can't wait to be home.

Pretty neat surprise?

I am speechless!

And your father is probably overwhelmed.

Great. I love you, Mommy.

I love you too, honey. Safe flight.

Okay, I'll see you here.

-She should've called sooner.

-But she didn't.

Why did you tell her

we're having that party?

Because we are.

I need my vest.

I don't know who's coming to the party

or what they're gonna eat...

but we're having a party.

What about our trip?

Don't even start with me.

This was all your stupid idea.

Stupid idea?

Five minutes ago, I was a genius.

-Now you're an idiot.

-How does one call change so much?

Don't dwell on the past, Island Boy,

we're having a party.

Cheese, wine and Blairey's favorite:

hickory honey ham.

-Who's coming to this party?

-I haven't gotten that far yet.

-You're in charge of the tree.

-We don't have one.

Get one and put it up.

Then you will get your little brown butt

down to the basement and put up Frosty.

-No!

-Yes!

We are going to perform

a little Christmas miracle.

If we pull it off,

Blairey is never gonna know...

about your stupid, ridiculous,

childish scheme...

of skipping Christmas.

I'm sorry about this little ugly bush.

-Merry Christmas.

-It is, isn't it?

-Duke Scanlon.

-Hi, Duke.

The same guy who brought you...

that beautiful Canadian blue spruce

a few weeks back.

Okay, great! Merry Christmas to you.

I need another blue spruce just like that.

I really need a tree right now.

What do you got left?

Just one.

You know what? I like it. I'll take that one.

-Really?

-Yeah. How much is it?

-$75.

-It says $15 right there.

-Yeah. Supply and demand.

-That's kind of a rip-off, isn't it?

The Scouts could sure use

your $75 donation for their camporee.

What do you guys say I give you $25?

$75. Take it or leave it.

Yours?

-Hey, Wes.

-Hey, Luther. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you, too, man.

I'm in a little bit of a bind.

I got to be at my in-laws' by 5:00.

I should've left two hours ago.

Let me give you a hand.

This won't take long.

Listen to me. My plans have changed.

I got a call from Blair.

She's coming home tonight.

-What about the cruise?

-I don't know.

-I can't find a Christmas tree, though.

-So?

Can I borrow yours?

-Wes, we got to go.

-Be right there, T.

-You want my tree?

-Yeah.

I can get it back in your house

before you return.

-That's ridiculous.

-But I don't have a choice.

Everyone else needs their tree

tonight and tomorrow.

-You're serious, aren't you?

-Dead serious.

-Trish wouldn't like it.

-Trish doesn't have to know.

-Hey, Trish!

-Hi, Luther.

-Honey, we got to go.

-He's just saying Merry Christmas.

Please.

You break one ornament, we're both dead.

I will leave it just like I found it.

I appreciate this, I really do.

-This is funny, you know?

-Why am I not laughing?

Free Frosty! Free Frosty!

-Got to go.

-Thanks.

Guys! Fellas.

Guys, I'm sitting right over here.

-Scatter!

-Go!

-Wait.

-Run!

Wait, come here.

I just want to talk to you, Spike.

-Let me go!

-Bad little elf.

-Stop squirming around.

-Get off!

-Come on.

-Don't hit me.

It was a joke.

The Frosty sign, the phone calls.

I know. I'm not gonna hurt you,

I'm not gonna hit you.

But you do owe me.

-All I got is $20.

-I don't want your money.

I need a little help.

That is one huge tree.

It reminds me of this tree my dad got once--

That's interesting. Here's the plan.

Put the real delicate ones on the sofa.

-Is this against the law?

-Of course not. Just don't break anything.

Spike!

-Nothing valuable.

-What's it say on there?

"Baby's first Christmas."

Perfect!

-Hello?

-Hey, Walt. Ned here.

-Merry Christmas, Ned.

-Merry Christmas, Walt.

Say, I'm watching the Trogdons' house.

It appears as if Krank has lost his mind.

-How's that?

-He's stealing their Christmas tree.

Hello. Excuse me, I am looking for a ham.

A hickory honey ham.

If there are any left, they'll be back there.

Thank you very much. Merry Christmas.

Excuse me.

Happy holidays.

-Are you sure this isn't illegal?

-Are you a cop? Come on.

-Can I buy your ham?

-Pardon?

Your ham, it's the last one.

And my daughter, Blair, is coming home

all the way from Peru...

and hickory honey hams

are her absolute favorite.

-And I'd like to buy it from you.

-No, it's not for sale.

But she's in the Peace Corps.

And I'd be willing to pay anything

above sticker price.

No, we're not interested.

You know, it's never too early

to start thinking about putting away...

a little something

for your child's college education.

You got it?

Come around here.

I want you to steer, I'll hold the back.

Ready? Come around the back.

Spike!

-Hello, Mr. Krank.

-Hey, fellas.

Where you going with that tree?

Spike and I are just taking it to my house.

Spike?

Yeah, the kid. Spike.

Did he just run that way? No? That's weird.

-Is this an imaginary friend?

-No.

Merry Christmas!

Stop!

Should've bought a calendar.

Gonna need it where you're going.

What do you want?

It's me, Spike Frohmeyer.

You know, Vic's kid.

Yeah.

If he says Trogdon loaned him the tree,

then he's telling the truth.

Here's the key. It's not a burglary.

Key.

Scram, Krank.

Thanks, Spike. I was kind of scared in there.

You'll be all right.

Try to relax, will you, Luther?

Get the tree.

-What happened?

-Unload the car.

-What's wrong?

-Nobody's coming.

I've called everybody we know,

they're all busy.

-We'll have to invite the neighbors.

-Over my dead body.

-How's the tree?

-Well....

It's a disaster.

Take it or leave it.

Blue icicles and a Chicago Bear ornament?

Popcorn. Those aren't mine.

-Smoked trout.

-Better than frozen pizza.

What happened to the hickory honey ham?

Never say "hickory honey ham" again.

Hello. Blair! Hi, honey!

I'd like to talk to her

to send her back to Peru.

You're in Atlanta? Wow.

We're just busy cooking away here,

getting ready for the party.

Of course I'm making caramel cream pie,

your favorite.

We'll be there at 8:00 to pick you up.

I can't wait to see you, too. I love you. Bye.

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