Circus Kane Page #2

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Hello, piggy, piggy, piggy, let's play.

Classic Kane, it's

classic freakin' Kane!

Wait you've seen this one before?

Oh my God, yes I've seen this before.

This guy is like king of

the traveling horror show.

Oh please don't tell me that none of

you have ever seen his shows before?

Nope.

Nope.

Um, no.

I mean I've heard him

mentioned by a few older

shlock horror directors as inspiration when

I used to act, but never actually myself.

Oh my God, I thought I recognized you.

You're the scream queen.

You were in Night Terrors.

Guilty.

Yeah yeah that is you.

I did a review on that movie.

Movie sucked but you were okay I guess.

No, you were amazing, trust me.

From the bottom of my

heart you were amazing.

Oh I worship you.

So we were all selected

from our fan bases?

That's viral marketing at it's finest.

He just wants us post about him.

Who here doesn't have a

sh*t ton of followers.

Raise your hands if you don't.

My Instagram's lit as f***.

See what I mean.

No no, he's right, we were all picked

because we're influential

in the horror community.

He just wants to get everybody

hyped about his return.

I've known about Kane for years.

I even have his old comic book,

Circus Kane's Lurking Terrors.

God, I love that comic book.

Dude tell me you still

have it, is it mint?

No what happened was

I was off doing my thing

and my Momma she went and sold it.

You let your Mom sell your comic book.

Don't talk about my momma.

There was that song about him, right?

That Clown Killers single, Burn in...

Insane, yes that's it.

It was college, helped me study.

Hey wait a minute, what

are you doing here, Einstein?

We all have some sort of reference

to Kane, what's your deal?

Thank you, medium-sized Ed,

actually the reason I'm here is 'cause I'm not

scared as sh*t so I know I'm gonna win.

Also I need the money

because I owe some people.

Who doesn't need $250,000?

You know what, all I care about

is getting my poster signed.

Once he signs them they're

gonna be worth like,

a hundred times what I paid for them.

Why is that, you plan on killing him?

Dude, I'm not the killer,

Kane's the killer.

Oh sh*t, he killed somebody? / For real?

Yeah I think I read something about him

having some pretty bad legal problems.

Yeah, if you want to call legal problems

burning a man to death,

then he had legal problems.

Seriously, what are you talking about?

Damn.

That's like the song.

The burning man, that's right.

Yeah you guys know the song, right?

This is the ballad of Balthazar Kane

Who burned to a crisp

now he's gone insane

Killer of love by Valentine's name

Burnt, to a jail to

live out his shame

Born of the madness due to the pain

Back from the dead

to play out his game

Run little children

when you hear his name

'Cause there's nowhere to hide

From Circus Kane

That was it.

Wow, that was wonderful.

Out now!

So this is it? / Yeah.

How long was I out for?

I don't know, I was asleep too.

I think everyone was.

They gassed us.

They what?

I think they gassed us.

Don't be ridiculous.

Move! Stairs, now! /

I saw the green gas.

Lay off the drugs, punk.

There must be no one around for miles.

I guess it's all just a

part of the experience huh?

Kane couldn't have picked

a more perfect place.

It's huge, this place is rad.

Creepy.

Talking about the house or the way

Big Ed's been looking at you?

This was totally worth being drugged,

or gassed or whatever he did to us.

Welcome one, welcome all, to the

new and improved Circus Kane.

Enter, if you dare.

Sure thing, Lurch.

Into the haunted mansion we go.

I don't like the way this looks.

Let's do this.

All right.

Are you ready?

The circus is about to begin.

This is gonna be the

easiest money I ever made.

What the f***?

Hey, where did they go?

Good luck.

Look inside to see your fate.

You think it's a two-way mirror?

No, it's too old for that.

That was nothing, guys.

I've seen that gag a hundred times.

Hey, are you okay?

Yeah I'm fine.

Yo, can I have one of those?

You don't want one of these,

this is medicine.

I've got a bad heart.

What, did you do a little

too much blow there, Big Ed?

I just wasn't expecting

a jump scare that's all.

Who comes to a haunted house

not expecting jump scares?

I'm here to face my fears.

Shall we?

Lead the way.

Ooh that was so scary.

They're gonna have to

do way better than that

or we're all going home

with 250 large, cha-ching.

In my bank account.

Hawaii here I come.

I bet you Big Ed doesn't

make it 20 more minutes.

Yo yo yo yo yo, I was just faking my

heart condition to psyche you out, OB.

Yo yo yo don't sh*t your

pants and die, old man.

I'm hungry, when do we eat?

Figures.

I'm a growing boy.

No you're not.

Now this is getting interesting.

These photos are horrific.

I think you mean "awesome."

It's like they're just meat.

Aren't we all?

This is gonna look great on my site.

Huh, that's interesting,

I have cell service.

It doesn't exactly fit the whole

abandoned haunted house clich, does it?

I'm telling you man,

it's all for promotion.

You think? / Yeah.

Isn't he full of surprises?

Hello, my marvelous little

martyrs and my little piggies.

Let's get this slaughterhouse

officially started!

But, before we begin,

I would have something

to remember you by

or should I say, to

identify the corpse with.

Now if you'll notice, in the corners of

all the rooms you'll see these red lights.

These, my little piggies,

are cameras that are there

to record every delicious

moment of your demise.

I'll broadcast these

videos to all of your fans

and to all of your followers

after your journey has ended.

So, your descent into madness and

hell can be shared with the world.

I would like you to

share on social media,

to all of your little parasites

for all the world to see...

I told you guys, you see?

Yeah yeah we get it

dude, shut up already.

The Circus Kane!

And your roles as my disciples

of pleasure and pain.

If you're too weak and you can't

take the heat just ask for mercy

with the words, Balthazar Kane,

you win again!

And you are free to leave...

Big Ed never taps out.

You go home empty-handed.

But if you make it all the way though,

you go home $250,000 richer!

Now, I doubt that any

of you will make it

all the way through, and I am quite

confident in what I have in store for you.

This mansion has been in

my family for generations,

and it contains the

vengeful dead of centuries.

And all of it is wired from

top to bottom with cameras

so that you'll never,

ever be truly alone.

Now, as you travel through

the lost shadows of my home,

you may bump into my little

friends here and there.

But...

Let courage be your muse.

And explore at your own peril.

And I promise you nothing less than

the most terrifying night of

you're miserable, little lives.

Release your inner monsters inside

and let darkness be your guide.

Brr, zoinks.

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