City Slickers

Toro! Toro! Toro!

Toro! Toro! Toro!

- Whose idea was this, anyway?

- They're gaining on us.

Andale! Andale!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Whoa!

He's after me!

Phil!

- Whoa!

- Whoa!

Jesus!

Ed!

Go, Mitch!

Stay, bull. Stay, bull.

Stay, bull!

Stop following me!

Please!

Does he know what he's doing?

Has he any idea what he's doing?

Because I can't talk to him.

Ow.

Relax.

He's doing a beautiful job.

Sir. El doctor.

Hello!

Don't sew up anything that's

supposed to remain open, OK?

Si.

- What, are you taking pictures, Phil?

- Are you kiddin'? This is a Kodak moment. Now, smile.

Oh, good.

Blind him with the flash.

Phil, let the man keep

what's left of his dignity, please.

- "Dignity." This is all your fault, Ed.

- My fault?

- You're a macho lunatic. Phil and I are sheep.

- We're not sheep.

- We do every stupid thing he asks!

- I didn't make you run.

No, it was a 2,000lb rampaging animal

spraying bull snot all over Spain.

That's what made me run.

You made me stand in front of it.

Come on, guys.

Group shot.

I got a big "I told you so"

coming from Barbara.

Maybe she won't notice.

- Honey, want a pillow? It's a long flight.

- No, thanks.

Come on, it's not that bad.

I look like your mother.

Here comes Mr Bull.

Kim, baby, do you want

the aisle or the window seat?

- Whatever you want makes me happy.

- I don't care.

Good, then take the window.

I wanna talk to Mitch.

- Be right back.

- Miss me.

Admit it, pal.

You had fun.

No. Scuba diving is fun.

I mean that's normal. People do that.

Baseball fantasy camp, until Phil

threw up on Willie Mays, was fabulous.

- I was nervous. He was my idol.

- I'll never forget Willie's face.

"Say, hey. That's lunch on me."

- Phil. I'm standing.

- Yes, dear.

Can't wait to get out of this country.

Maybe it's just me, but I think our little

adventures lately are becoming... stupid.

What did you call them?

- "Desperate attempt

to cling to your youth."

- Yeah, that.

- That's bullshit.

- Bullshit? Ed, have you noticed...

...the older you get,

the younger your girlfriends get?

Soon, you'll be dating sperm.

- I'm back.

- OK. I have just one more thing to say.

- Target parachute jumping.

- Ed!

Now, it's a smaller parachute,

but you're travelling twice as fast.

Great! When they find your body,

they can bury it in a sucrets box.

- Phil said he'd go.

- Phil wants to die.

If you were married to that,

you'd wanna die too.

He's pretending to be asleep

so he doesn't have to talk to her.

It's a couple of little jumps from a plane.

And then what? We go on safari, only

the animals have guns and they hunt us?

- Forget about it.

- It's never enough for you, Ed.

- I'm reading.

- When's it ever gonna be enough?

Hi, Mom.

It's september 8th, 1952.

We're driving back from

your Aunt Marsha. My water breaks.

Your father jumps the divider

of the sawmill River parkway...

...and races me to Doctors' Hospital and...

...at 5.16, out you came.

Ohh...

Happy birthday, darling.

- Here's your father.

- Hello, boy. Happy birthday.

- Hi, Dad, how are you?

- I'm losing feeling in my left leg.

- Here's your mother.

- Don't worry. He's fine.

So, what are you gonna

do now, birthday boy?

I thought I'd lie here another three

and a half hours, and then go to work.

- Is Barbara with you?

- No, she's working the streets.

She has her breakfast with her pimp.

She'll be in around 7.30.

- Hi, Mom.

- Give my boy a kiss.

I can't believe my baby's 39 years old.

Bye, Mom.

Oh, bye.

Angel, birthday boy.

Happy birthday.

Well, at least she said my age in years.

Usually she uses months,

like I'm still an infant.

"How's Mitch?"

"Oh, good. He's 468 months today."

Wow.

I look a year older.

Do I look a year older to you?

Honey, at 5.15,

everybody looks a year older.

- Do you know what I found yesterday?

- Hm?

- Hair in my ear.

- Mitch.

I'm losing hair where I want hair,

and getting one where it shouldn't be hair.

I found four big fat ones on my back.

I'm starting to look like the fly.

That's it. I'm cancelling

your birthday party.

- Why?

- Cos your birthdays depress you.

- No, they don't.

- Oh, Mitch.

On your 30th birthday,

you said you couldn't see.

On your 34th birthday,

you forgot my name for an hour.

Last year, when I asked you

what you wanted...

...you said a CAT scan.

- I had a headache.

- This year, let's just let it pass.

- I wanna see my friends.

- All right.

But I don't want people coming over here

thinking they're in a Bergman film.

"You've met my husband, Mr Death?"

- I'll be good.

- Yeah?

Cos I don't need you

any worse than you've been.

- Wait a second. What does that mean?

- Nothing.

"Nothing."

Great.

Got a minute?

Hi. Only if a few minutes.

I have career day at Danny's school.

Yeah, it'll just take a second.

What is it?

Pizza Guy, Pizza Guy

Come on down to Pizza Guy

Be a happy, happy fella

Have some sauce and mozzarella

At Pizza Guy

- So?

- So.

So, it's stupid.

It's annoying.

- It makes people change the station.

- I didn't write it.

You bought it. You put it on the air

three times a night in a prime time.

People are having accidents.

You used to go out and get advertising.

You hustled.

You were creative.

Something bad came in, you fixed it.

You rewrote it.

You worked with it.

My God, we used to make fun of guys

who bought crap like this.

What's going on with you?

Did you ever reach a point

in your life where you think...

..."This is the best I'm ever gonna

look, the best I'm ever gonna feel...

...the best I'm ever gonna do,

and it ain't that great"?

- Happy birthday.

- Thank you.

Look, I'm the station manager.

I'm responsible... for the quality

of work here at the station...

...so, until further notice, I shall

personally approve all the new spots.

What? I can't make a deal

without checking with you first?

Just till you get back on track.

So we're doing this job

on 60th and 3rd...

...big friggin' ballbreaker

of a job, right?

We got the area roped off so

that some schmuck don't walk in...

...and take a wreckin' ball

between the eyes.

All of a sudden, this woman, with the big,

dark glasses, the Bloomingdale's bags...

...she starts walkin' through the ropes.

I yelled down at her "Hey, you

can't go there, you stupid b*tch!"

Suddenly, this big steam fitting bursts...

...and this enormous goddamn crane

crashes right down on her legs...

...and she's screaming "My legs! My legs!"

And I say "No sh*t, your legs. You got

a 2,000lb goddamn crane on 'em."

Now, do you know how, in an emergency,

you can get superhuman strength?

I reach down and I lift this crane...

...and Ernesto's able

to slide her out from under...

...and the doctors were

able to save her legs!

So the moral is... don't walk

where you're not supposed to walk...

...because there may not be somebody

with superhuman strength to save you.

And don't do drugs.

That's it.

Thank you, Mr Morelli.

That was... very descriptive.

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